Kreyling Korner – Week 20 – 08-30-18
THE LIP-SMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK
Both Schott and Almeida win in week #19 on my “official” MOW picks. My “unofficial” MOW picks had Lip-Gloss with a W and Roddy with an L. Speaking of the Roddy L – Ollie, I swear if you don’t learn how to add a scorecard after a round I’m going to lose my mind. Seriously, you have been in this league since 2002. How have you not figured out a system to quickly add points during a 9 hole round? This is like the 4th week in a row you have said one thing on the 9th hole and when the scores come out the next day I see my team loses another point to DD because you can’t add. Sure – I’m bitter. Your inability to perform 3rd grade math cost my team a point and that point all but sunk our chances for a championship. Whatever, good season – buy a calculator and put it in your bag. Anyway, I’m adding the unofficial results brining my 2018 overall record to 11-20.
THE KREYLING KORNER
As most of the GCCGL knows, the Glossy One will be leaving General Cable…or Prysmian, whatever the hell we are called anymore. Anyway, after August 30, I will no longer run into GCCGL members in the halls where we talk incessantly about current week’s matchups, the previous weeks controversy and/or relive all the bad shots we hit the night before. Let’s admit it, if you are a member of the GCCGL work productivity on Thursdays and Fridays drops significantly from the last Thursday in April until Labor Day weekend. And I don’t think any of us would have it any other way.
What does any of this have to do with Kreyling Korner? Well, I don’t know what the future holds for me and the GCCGL. I’m optimistic I will still be able to play in the 2019 season, but my future as a co-commissioner is up in the air at best. Which could also mean, Kreyling Korner may no longer continue. This brings me to my week 20 topic – my top 5 moments from my time in the GCCGL.
5. Back in Black hijinks
This is my 8th year in the GCCGL and I’ve been on some bad teams. One of those bad teams was in 2015. We started the year with a lot of optimism – the team 3 Men and an Ollie consisted of Kreyling, Cook, Justin Seiter, and Ollie. We looked good on paper. Unfortunately, we had to play actual golf and pretty early in the season we were out of the running for a championship, and for coming in the money for that matter. Of course, I didn’t want to give up hope. And I had recently saw an interview with Phil Mickelson in which he said he wears black when he wants to be aggressive on a golf course. He went on about the psychological effects of the color black and how it gives people confidence blah, blah, blah. Naturally I decided to send my team a motivational email stating – we aren’t out of this and I’m wearing black for the next team event because Phil does. What I didn’t expect, the rest of my team followed suit – if you need proof here is the picture:
I actually took this one step further. I brought a speaker that night and blared Back in Black by AC/DC on the first tee. Needless to say none of it helped. The best thing that came out of the Back in Black email is that we changed our team name to – Back in Black. Other than that, we sucked that year (particularly me) and ended up coming in fifth. But the actual best part of this story is what happened the week after. Unbeknownst to anyone on my team, a prank was kept secret in the halls of General Cable. When our team showed up to Kenton County Golf Course, the entire league minus the actual Back in Black team was wearing…you guessed it – black. It was really funny and I’m still impressed to this day it was kept secret. Here is another picture for proof:
4. Cupcake and Lip-Gloss’ continual argument of who destroyed our chances of winning a championship in 2012
Like I said above, I’ve been on some bad teams throughout the years in the GCCGL. But, I’ve also been on some good teams too. In 2012, AMBD was one of those teams (funniest team name ever that cannot be printed). This team was made up of Kreyling, Meyer, Nill and Livermore. I have to give credit where credit is due – the only reason we had a chance that year was because of the stellar play of Cupcake and Ollie. Nill went 8-6 that year with 77 points; Ollie went 9-5 with 80 points. We headed into the final scramble of the year only 1 stroke out of first place. That’s where the arguing starts.
That year there was a sub that played in the GCCGL by the name of Jeff Rozzel. Jeff only subbed in the league for a couple years and the way he became a sub was actually kind of funny. Early in the 2012 season, the last groups were running out of daylight because play was slow (slow play has been a trend in the GCCGL for what seems like forever). Jeff had come out for a casual evening round and unfortunately had been place behind our league. As the last group was waiting to tee off on their 9th hole, the invited Jeff to join their group so he could finish. Boom – Mr. Rozzel was a sub.
Jeff was a pretty good golfer (a 6 handicap), so when Meyer needed a sub for the end of the year scramble we gobbled Rozell up. We gained a player who was 2 strokes better in handicap and we are 1 point out of first place. This championship is ours to lose….right? Here’s the thing – Jeff didn’t drink. If anyone’s played golf with Cupcake and I – well, we drink. And chances are, if you play with us, you’re going to drink. We don’t force it – we just enjoy adult beverages with compadres. Jeff, our super sub, fell victim to this. On I think it was hole 2 Jason looks at Jeff and says, “You want a beer?”
Silence fell over the air, birds stopped chirping, bees stopped buzzing, the potty mouths of the GCCGL actually shut up…how was Rozell going to answer this question? Of course, he said “sure – I’ll take a beer.” And after he had his first beer, which I think he drank in about 37 seconds he says – “I don’t normally drink.” So he was offered another….and another…and another. About 6 beers deep, our shots out of a championship were out the window. We might have used 1 of Jeff’s shots the entire round. We finished the scramble in 4th place and actually moved back to 3rd overall on the season. Now, I’ll admit, I offered Jeff a beer or two – but Jason gave him the majority.
The last point about 2012, Cupcake likes to claim the reason we lost the championship actually is due to the week before the scramble. He likes to point out in week 16 we decided to play in a driving rain storm. He claims it was MY decision. But what he doesn’t realize, I wasn’t a co-commissioner in 2012 and the decision was made by himself, PW and Cletus. A point that is well documented in this blog post: Raining Cats and Dogs.
3. Worst. Handshake. Ever. And subsequent triple bogey.
The year was 2017. The all commissioner team had been established all thanks to an old man’s wish. Cletus tried to retire from the league after the 2016 season, but we managed to talk him into one more year in 2017. He agreed based on one condition – he got to hand pick his team. And he picks an all commissioner team: Kreyling, Nill, Cletus and PW. Surprisingly, we didn’t do as bad as everyone thought, finishing in 3rd place. The highlight of the season had to be Dropping Deuces (our team name) terrible, unbelievably bad, worst in the history of the world attempt at a high five on hole 3 of the Stableford Scramble. I could tell the story, but George captured it so perfectly in his blog post (Terrible High Five). The only thing I really remember is having the flag in one hand, my putter under my arm, four guys flailing like baby chickens and me thinking of Ricky Bobby’s Quote from Talladega Nights – “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”.
The funny part that no one really remembers is what happened on the 4th hole after this poor excuse of a team celebration. We come to the 4th tee of the Willows front nine laughing from the handshake and feeling pretty good about our first birdie of the day. I don’t remember what happened next, but our best tee shot left us about 225 to the pin. And yes, we had to carry the water. The only two people on our team that really had a legitimate chance at clearing the lake were Jason and myself. And the chances of that happening were slim to none.
We doomed from the start on this shot. At first George and Allen AGREED to lay up. So, they walked back to their carts to get different clubs (carts were on the path that night). Jason and I make very poor attempts to hit it close…both in the water. Here comes Allen and right behind him is George. Allen has a 3 wood in his hand. Jason and I look at each other and say, “what are you doing?” Without batting and eye Allen says, “I’m going for it.” Cupcake and I just shook our heads as we both knew this is the dumbest play in the world. If Allen hits his driver perfectly it might go 230! Why does he think he can actually hit a 3 wood off the deck over water? I’d love to leave you in suspense….but he didn’t come close. I think he barely made the water. And one point we were hoping it ended up short and we could use it as a lay-up. Nope rolled into the pond. 3 shots…3 balls in the water.
The Portuguese Warrior is up next. We measured that it was about 160 yards to the water, all downhill. So, he’s going to hit something 120. George is making the smart move and laying up. We will be fine! Makes his swing…perfect contact…ball flys way up in the air…and Just. Keeps. Sailing. Ball number 4, directly in the water. We all look at George and ask – “what the hell did you hit?” 7 iron! A 7 iron 120 yards downhill? Might have overclubbed there. Anyway, lots of laughing and some more terrible shots and putts occurred. When all was said and done we walked off the green with a triple bogey 7. The only triple bogey ever recorded in a scramble event in the history of the GCCGL.
2. Rayburn and the runaway cart
There are very few moments in life that you can look back on and legitimately laugh. I mean sure, funny things occur and you can’t help but smile when you reminisce. But the truly funny moments make you laugh out loud when you think about them. That’s exactly what I do, every single time I think about Rayburn…almost running into Bleaker with a golf cart….swirving last minute….jumping his cart over the cart path on the 9th hole on the Willows front nine….falling out of the cart and belly flopping down the hill…as his runaway golf cart rolls with just enough speed to make it on to the green. Just typing that cracks me up. I’ve been writing a lot this week, and this is another moment George captured wonderfully. Do yourselves a favor and give it a read yourself. It’s hard not to laugh…especially if you were there. Runaway Cart
1. Kreyling Korner
I took over as co-commissioner in this league in 2013. In an attempt to make the weekly tee-time email a little more exciting, I decided to pick a Match of the Week. From there, I added fashion tips…most of which are still being violated today. George still wears cargo shorts; too many of the young members of the league (under 30) do not understand the concept of “no-show” socks; Ollie’s jean shorts; the disappearance of white belts – oh the horror! Little did I know the founder of the GCCGL would actually give me a section on the blog. I’ve looked back at all the crap I’ve written since then….and it’s mostly that, crap. But there is a lot of it! Most of it are the same jokes regurgitated in some new way (you try coming up with material for a 20-week season), however there were a few gems. Some of my personal favorites – my reaction to being voted the least trust-worthy co-commissioner, creating a some league terms – the league affect and MOW jinx – the “warm-up” songs I gave to every member of the league, product endorsements (Danny Roller and pepper spray – HA!). The list goes on. I know I pissed some members off, but I also hope I made some people laugh. If that’s the case, I’d say Kreyling Korner was pretty successful. Hell, maybe none of you read it and I just wasted my time.
Members of the GCCGL, thank you for the memories! I’m hopeful I can remain co-commissioner and member of the GCCGL in 2019, but if not, it’s been a hell of a ride – even if I never won a championship!
Until next year (or maybe not) – fairways and greens my friends.
