PW Under Attack!
Another week has come and gone in the 2018 GCCGL season and the Portuguese Warrior finds himself on the defensive once again. I’m under attack from all co-commissioners (current and former). And now they’re trying to turn the rest of the league against me with suggestive targeted surveys and cruel and callous KK blog postings. It’s all a distraction to deflect the attention away from their own faults and inadequacies. PW is angry my friends and I’m here to set the record straight.
Let’s start with the guy who was voted “most likely to kill you in your sleep” in High School, co-commissioner Cupcake. I know this is starting to sound like a broken record, but once again CC was wrong in his assessment regarding the GCCGL team with the worst start and spouted off more fake news during his weekly survey. Let me ask all of you this simple question, shouldn’t the “true” measure of a bad start be determined by the distance between said team and first place? Am I wrong? What “boy genius” failed to realize is that bad starts are relative. If the Reds started with only 10 wins but are just 4 or 5 games out of first place, is that worse than if they had 15 wins but are 11 or 12 games out of first place? Of course not. I thought you were a numbers guy CC. I’m tempted to call you a moron but that would be an insult to all morons of the world so I digress. In fact, there were three other teams that were farther behind in the standings on WK3 than CWM (see below). That is not to say CWM won’t ultimately finish as the worst team in GCCGL history. If they continue at their current pace, they will blow by the worst team in GCCGL history (Birdies, Eagles and a Crowe) who, by the way, was in 1st place on week 3 last season before they started their decent and finish 155 points behind. Is it even mathematically possible for a team to finish 200 points behind first place? Catalina Wine Mixer just might give it a run.
Is it me or has Lip Gloss gotten a bit more brazen lately in his weekly KK blog posts? I have to admit Lip Gloss, after reading the last couple of your KK blogs, I’ve become really jealous …….of people who don’t know you! I’ve tried to explain my side to you but lately I’ve had more intelligent conversations with my dog. How about the nerve of Lip Gloss calling out Crowe for his 0-for-13 GCCGL career? In Lip Gloss’ first 7 seasons, he’s managed an impressive zero GCCGL championships, three 3rd place finishes and a whopping .449 winning PCT. Not exactly a picture of perfection there huh LG? I don’t know about you but if I were on team Putter Face that history doesn’t exactly ooze confidence that LG can lead his team to the promised land.
And then there’s Cletus. As many of you read on this week’s Kreyling Korner, the little vein in PW’s forehead was throbbing pretty damn hard after he found four opened, partially filled cans of Miller Light at the bottom of his golf bag this week. I admit, I’ve neglected my golf clubs but I actually did plan on cleaning them this week as well as my golf bag so you can image my reaction as I opened the back of my SUV and started to pull my golf bag out and a foul pool of liquid started pouring out of the bottom of my bag all over the inside of my car and several of my club grips. At this point, I knew I was had! At first, because of my ongoing feud with co-commissioner Cupcake, I had allowed my judgment to be temporarily clouded and texted Cupcake to give him the chance to “admit” that he executed this despicable prank on an innocent member of the Portuguese community. He denied it and I immediately moved on to the next obvious perpetrator, Cletus. Oh Cletus, what can I say? I thought we were friends. You know you’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard, don’t you? I should have known all along it was Cletus. Let’s face it, the man is a few beers short of a six pack. The battery isn’t fully charged. The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. The gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train….isn’t coming. You know what I mean? Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Did you know, if you stand really close to him and be super quiet, you can hear the ocean? It’s true.
You know who the big winners are in these times of chaos? Folks like Snoodles, Ollie and Syndrome. Hell, I can’t remember the last good Squirts lashing on this blog. Keep hiding in the shadows for now fellas, it will all be over someday soon and then you’ll long for those sweet and peaceful days of anonymity.
Some potential new nicknames were floated around this week. A potential nickname for Crowe, “Cleveland”, was thrown out in reference to the Cleveland Browns and their infamous winless 2017 season. Cruel? Perhaps. But I don’t pick the nicknames. They just sort of happen. Crowe is a good kid with a sweet swing and will most definitely get a “W” this season. Another nickname that got thrown around this week was “Captain Hairy” for Capannari. This one happened by accident as Cletus was introducing Cap to Golf Angel. The Golf Angel misunderstood Cletus’ pronunciation of “Capannari” as “Captain Hairy”. Boom….instant nickname. This is what happens when you have a hillbilly attempt to speak Italian. Sorry Cap. If the league is OK with these names, then it will be done.
In other news, Mr. X struck again. This time, he made coffee come out my nose! I wish we could share the latest survey comments but the customer agreement we signed with the web hosting company prohibits us from posting X-rated material on this blog. They host those kinds of sites on special web servers. A crack investigation has been launched to find the identity of Mr. X. Not because we want to punish him, but because we want to hire him a ghost writer for the blog. We can’t divulge everything about the case but I can share a few things with you. The latest survey comments were posted between 8:00 – 8:02 PM on Wednesday, May 9th from a mobile phone in southern Ohio on the AT&T network. OK, maybe that is everything, but the noose is tightening Mr. X whoever you are! There is so much more to talk about like El Hefe’s drive hitting the gray tees, the GCC fan in the mystery blue BMW yelling sweet nothings about the company or perhaps the GCCGL’s golf play and of course the play of Catalina Wine Mixer, but I promised myself to make the blogs shorter this season and I’m sticking to that promise. Quality over quantity. We’ll leave you with a picture of Marge’s drive on #8 on the Willows front nine. He salvaged a double-bogue. Not bad considering he was in another zip code after that drive.
Click for larger view
The big winners this week were The Hackstreet Boys who whipped Putter Face (24.5 – 15.5) dropping Putter Face out of first place. They were led by The Politician who nabbed 7 points against The Senator’s card. Donkey’s Disciples moved into first place after beating Catalina Wine Mixer (23 – 17). They were led by Ollie who took 9 points. It was a battle between The Process and Ballers…Schott Callers but The Process narrowly defeated them (20.5 – 19.5). They were led by Fusting (6 points), who still has no nickname. No Syndrome, we can’t go with your suggested nickname! The low net winners were Goldie and Snoodles (A/B) with a low net of (33) and the Portuguese Warrior (C/D) with a low net of (32). Congratulations to the winners!
We continue match play and move over to the Willows back nine for the next two weeks. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL co-commissioner
