2014 – Week 11
Man what a day we had weather-wise this past Thursday! It is rare when on a summer day in Cincinnati you don’t come close to breaking 80 degrees all day. It was actually considerably cooler as the evening went on. As expected, we had a few no-shows this week being so close to the holiday weekend but still a great turnout. We had 21 of 24 golfers show up thanks to four subs. A big thanks to Mike Bush, Jeff Rozell, Nate Berkley and we even had a Paul Eaglin sighting.
I was awaken early Friday morning around 7am by the sound of some moron firing up a chainsaw. Really? Did he really need to start this project at 7am? On July 4th? That’s just downright inconsiderate don’t you think? It’s no different than the guy mowing his lawn at the break of dawn on a weekend morning. You know that guy, we all know that guy. You’ve heard of Captain Obvious from the Hotels.com commercials right? Well this guy is Captain Oblivious. The spelling is very close and they both sound similar but they are polar opposites of each other. Let me explain. Captain Obvious is the kind of guy who is always self-aware and clearly understands his/her surroundings and wouldn’t have to think about whether his actions may potentially be creating uncomfortable situations for others around him. Captain Obvious is a cool dude. Captain Oblivious, on the other hand, is the kind of guy who walks into a men’s room with 6 empty urinals to choose from and snuggles right up next to the one you’re using and then proceeds to chat about how the coffee goes right through him. Captain Oblivious is the person who posts a picture of her brand new shiny Hello Kitty credit card on Twitter. Nice….all we would need now is the Hello Kitty security code. Captain Oblivious unfortunately is the same individual who pulls out crisp apples and celery sticks and starts stuffing their pie hole in a crowded movie theater during the most important part of the movie while their 3 month old colicky infant serenades the entire theater with loud, high pitched screeching cries because they’ve been sitting in a soiled diaper for 2 ½ hours. This person also owns the moniker of Captain Obnoxious. Captain Obvious would never have put his or herself in that position. Why? It’s obvious.
At any rate, I got up, made some coffee, let the dog out and watched this idiot fumble with this chainsaw fantasizing the whole time that he’d drop the thing and cut off his big toe or any other appendages. At least I might get a couple of more hours of sleep. It was very annoying but not as annoying as the relentless mocking and joking about how nice we needed to be to each other by some GCCGL members. It was a clear indication of the disapproval of last week’s blog by some members. That’s OK, I’m a big boy. At first there were some funny jokes which got some laughs but the act quickly ran out of material and it got stale. The jokes were being recycled at every hole. I think I heard the same exact joke three times. It was hard to witness really, kind of like watching a comedian bomb on stage. It was a good effort guys and I think the majority of folks found it amusing for the first ten minutes but then got bored. Here’s a little piece of advice; know when to stop and always leave them wanting more, otherwise it stops being funny.
If you want funny, I’ll give you funny. Last week’s Kreyling Korner was funny. My drive on #9 was funny. I’m giving it too much credit calling it a drive. My swing looked more like an old man stabbing at his steak. The ball scooted no more than a few inches off the ground through the trees to the left of the tee box. That’s right. Not the trees or the crap 100 yards out to the left, I’m talking about the trees right next to the tee box. I almost hit the ball BEHIND me! I wish I was exaggerating but unfortunately I’m not. I’ve never been there before but as Kurt and I were looking for that pathetic excuse of a drive, we noticed it is pretty open as long as the ball doesn’t reach the weeds. Regrettably it must have since we could not find it. My only shot was to take the fairway completely out of play (no problem there) and hit an iron over the trees to about 100 yards short and left of the green. I managed to do that but still was no match for Silent H. Do you want some more funny? How about Bleaker emailing his team the day of league play and stating that he was not playing due to a soccer injury. He didn’t have a sub. LG would have none of that and flat out told him, “If you can stand and swing your arms, you’re playing!” Because Bleaker had not planned to play, he did not bring any golf attire with him to work. As luck would have it, it was “Jeans Day” so he shows up wearing his slim fit jeans and wing tips. Did anyone take a picture? Give the kid credit, he rented a cart and put up a score of 40! Still not funny enough for you? Well guess who he was playing against? Snoodles. Poor Snoodles, he can’t catch a break. Everyone he plays winds up shooting well under their HC. This is the second time in three weeks he was supposed to face the card but instead winds up scrambling just to win a couple of points.
There were a lot of refreshments waiting for everyone at the 19th hole this week. Several pitchers were purchased. The libations were so plentiful that it took the majority of folks staying to well past 9 pm to drink all of it. I don’t think anyone even went out to BW’s afterwards. So to those who purchased the refreshments, the GCCGL offers our sincere thank you!
The standings continue to fluctuate dramatically every week. The first place team, Schmuck Dynasty, took a beating from Carrier to the Hole and Duer (26-14). The funny thing about that team match was that CTTHAD didn’t have a single member participate. They fielded three subs and a no-show and still crushed the first place team. They were led by Jeff Rozell who stole 8.5 points from the card. Morning Wood defeated Balls and Dolls (25.5 – 14.5). MW currently sits in 3rd place. They were led by Big Donkey and sub Mike Bush who both grabbed 7.5 points. The downward spiral continued for Das Boots are Made for Golfing as they lost again, this time to the Putt Pirates (22 -18). The Pirates were led by Bleaker who managed 7.5 points in those lucky jeans. Less than 10 points separate the top four teams with 7 weeks left in the season. It is anyone’s championship.
The winners of the low net were Paul Eaglin and Mike Harris (A/B) both scored a low net of 30 and John Rayburn (C/D) who turned in a low net score of 33. Congratulations to the winners! We have a major announcement this week. The Kenton County golf course has cancelled the re-sodding of the Willows fairways. Therefore we WILL NOT be playing the Fox Run course the next two weeks. We will stay on what would have been our normal schedule which is the back nine of the Willows. We hope to see everyone on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL founder and co-commissioner
