Kreyling Korner – Week #9 – July 9, 2020
THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK
George and Matt decided to kiss their sisters last week. That results in another L for old Lip-Gloss dropping my overall record to 2-4. For those keeping score at home that’s a 4-week losing skid…ouch! Renewed hope comes with week 9 and the US Open format. Ha – I did use the word hope with US Open week.
Week 9 MOW – George “Portuguese Warrior” Almeida vs. Mike “Swiper” Ethridge – for those of you that read the old PW’s week 8 blog post, that he conveniently remembered to send today, you’ll note the Founder of the GCCGL suggested I was reporting fake news for quoting facts about his individual match play record. The blog reads, “They believe everything they read and hear and for Lip Gloss to spout this kind of nonsense without any vetting or fact checking is just reckless and negligent.” Really George – so your record through week 8 isn’t 1-3-1 with an average of 4.5 points a match? You know how I fact checked that – I LOOKED AT THE SCORING SPREADSHEET THAT’S SENT TO THE LEAGUE EACH WEEK. Oh…It’s also posted on the website. George went on to say, “the fact is that QPC sits atop of the league standing because they have won all three special events this season.” He then spewed subjective crap about how all QPC’s special event wins were full team efforts. My foot! Say what you want to build your confidence George – your team wins were because of Mike Harris. Plain and simple. My particular favorite argument was on the Stableford – “Bid Donkey NEVER had to put until the last hole.” Oh really? Could it be because he was throwing darts on the approach shot? Congrats on making all your 4- foot putts George.
PW said other crap about the Florida Scramble and Pot-Luck and how great he is, but I don’t feel like going on and on anymore with this rubbish. You think you are playing well, then here is your chance Big-Boy. You get the spotlight, on US Open week, against the hottest player in the league. Ethridge comes into tonight 5-0, averaging 6.9 points a match (*insert sophomoric giggle here*), and 3 low nets. He sits atop the win percentage and money leader boards and is only one point out of the lead for points leader.
GLOSSY PREDICTION – Hmmmm…so who am I going to pick? Maybe I should check facts? Oh wait, I already did when I rehashed them above. Let me summarize them again – George has sucked; Ethridge has been awesome. On top of that – George has to give Ethridge 4 strokes. I don’t care if we have to play from the back tees, or play the ball down, or hole all putts. This is my STONECOLD lock of the year. Swiper wins 7-3.
THE KREYLING KORNER
Everyone knows it’s US Open week and this is definitely one of my favorite events of the year. I feel like the rest of the league loves it too so it seems like a great week to do another GCCGL roundtable. This week’s participants – Peter “Goldie” Goldenberg, Nick “Potter” Duer and Jeff “Cap” Capannari.
Week 9 brings with it US Open week. Give me your pick on who plays best and on who plays the worst this week and why.
Goldie – My initial thought was Mike Harris but given that Cook pussed out and decided that taking a good family beat down was less fun than a trip to the lake, BD’s motivation is now gone. So with the Big Donkey out of the picture, my vote goes to none other than Kurt Kreyling, for no other reason other than to just jinx him.
As far as who plays the worst, I think I have to go against the betting lines from the past 6 weeks and go with none other than the man who has won low net 4 times already, Mike Etheridge. US Open week is the great equalizer!!
Potter – Best and worst can be a relative term. I’ll take the question to mean how tonight’s performances will compare to what they would normally do on the back of Willows. I’m a stats guy. I have extensive stats going back over a decade for the league. The easy answer on worst would be Etheridge. His averages on the back of Willows are by far his worst. But he has shown a ton of improvement this year and I think that carries over this week. What do the stats say? It’s Bedell. On average he’s 9 strokes worse on the back of Willows during US Open week than he is on a normal week.
As far as best goes – there are actually three people who have the same average on US Open week as they do on a standard Willows back night, Rayburn, Cap and Serkan. Cap struggled last Friday, so he’s out. Rayburn has been incredibly consistent this year, but I think the trend is in Serkan’s favor. He’s been driving the ball better than ever and I think this is his week.
Cap – US Open week seems to bring out the worse in all of us. Last year scores ranged from 41-79 (net 34-52). I think I must give my best nod to Big Donkey. He has been playing lights out golf this year. Big Donkey is killing his drives and throwing darts with his approach shots. If he can zone in on his putts he is bound to have another solid round. When you talk about best, I think you almost have to take handicap out of the equation and Mike “Big Donkey” Harris will have the lowest gross score and potentially A/B low net US Open week.
As for worst this week, I would be lying if my name wasn’t in the running. My driver has been all over the place, short game ok, 3 putts across the board, Par 3’s might as well be Par 5’s and I could go on and on, but we know from Kreyling’s MOW it’s never good to bet on yourself or your team. As much I would like to say it will be Pete just for s***s, I’m going to go with Mr. Ethridge. Mikes HC is down 8 strokes from US Open last year and 4 strokes from his last appearance on Willows back 4 weeks ago. Let’s face it he has been playing much better, but I think the lower HC and US Open rules on Willow’s back get the best of him. This is the one week other C/D’s have a shot at winning low net.
Bryson DeChambeu won last week’s Rocket Mortgage classic and berated a cameraman in the process (read about it if you haven’t). It’s well documented that in the offseason he was completed dedicated to bulking up and basically turned himself into the incredible hulk. Dude says he drinks like 8 protein shakes a day. Anyway, it’s paying off as he is straight bombing the golf ball and racking up top-10s and wins in the process. Obviously, Bryson would be a great pick to win Wrestle Mania of the PGA tour. My question to you is this – if the GCCGL had a Wrestle Mania, who wins and why? Bonus – give your winner a wrestling nickname.
Goldie – I thought really hard about the Wrestlemania question and I think it comes down to two contenders. Troy “King Kong” Bachman and Andy “Death Row” Crowe.
Troy is the obvious choice as he is the size of a professional wrestler to start with and has the immediate advantage, with his only drawback being that he is the nicest guy in the world, and probably wouldn’t want to hurt his opponent.
Making the case for Death Row Crowe, or DRC, despite his puny, shop at Gap Kids stature, his scrappiness could overcome his obvious physical shortcomings. Also, in playing golf with him last weekend, I found out that he used to backyard wrestle with his idiot high school buddies under the DRC nickname, so experience could tip the scales in his favor.
Potter – I think the answer to this one is obvious. It’s Andy Crowe. He’s quick on his feet, works out all the time, he’d be tough to catch. Hell – he even looks like Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka. He’d seal the deal by body slamming Bachmann just like Hulk Hogan did to Andre the Giant.
Cap – I have seen this and it is pretty crazy. Good timing I suppose given COVID, at first we couldn’t even golf so what else was there to do than stuff our face (with protein in his case). I have fallen victim to the COVID 10 (luckily not the COVID 15 like some or COVID 19 like patient zero). Unfortunately, mine was not muscle and as described earlier, I have not seen the same positive golf results as DeChambeu.
In regards to the GCCGL Wrestle Mania, I think the obvious champion is Dixon Plainview’s team captain, Troy Gobstopper Bachman. Also known as T-Box in the wresting world. No explanation needed.
Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.
