Kreyling Korner – Week #7 – 06/02/16
THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK
No clever intro this week (or not so clever intro depending on your opinion of Kreyling Korner) – let’s just get after it.
A/B Group – Ed “Big Ed” Petryk vs. Danny “Snoodles” Roller. What a week 7 matchup! The overall record for these two stand at 4-4. Both of these men are currently 3 -1 on the season. Both of these men are in the running for overall points winner early in the 2016 season. That’s about where the similarities end. Big Ed has long been revered for his ability to overpower a golf course; Snoodles has a putter that’s so hot it makes chickens lay hard boiled eggs. It is worth noting that Danny, according to his own recollection, has gone an incredibly long amount of holes without topping a drive. Just a few weeks ago Ed birdied the last three holes on the Pioneer front 9 to beat Tucker in a heartbreaker – obviously he has to be putting pretty well to make this happen. Glossy Prediction: Honestly, I want to call this one a tie because I really don’t know who to pick. I think I’m going with Ed simply because this is his HOF season, 5.5-4.5.
C/D Group – George “Portuguese Warrior” Almeida vs. John “Syndrome” Rayburn. I have been writing the word Portuguese for at least three years now….and I still never spell it right. Anyway, I’m a little shocked that Rayburn owns this career match-up 4-1-1 over the PW (see what I did there…PW so I don’t have to write the word Portuguese). Even last year when Almeida had a career year on his way to a points title, Rayburn beat him in their only match-up. Much like Big Ed and Snoodles above, both PW and Syndrome are 3-1 in 2016. Glossy Prediction: I’m not picking George after his week 5 assessment of our team, which you can read HERE! I believe his exact quote was this “They’re 22.5 points out of first place AND they have Lip Gloss as their “A-Player”.” Bite me George….Rayburn is going to that beat the last remaining follicles off of your shiny dome…you lose 7-3.
THE KREYLING KORNER
Some of the newer members in the league might not know this, but the Kreyling Korner basically started as a result of weekly fashion tips. The GCCGL is a lot of things…one thing it is not, fashion forward. We have people that wear jeans (Cletus), jorts (Oliver), and ankle socks worn by members under the age of 45 (Mitch). For those of you confused, anklet socks extend roughly two inches over the top part of your shoe. They are never to be worn by anyone under the age of 45. People under 45 should wear “no-show” socks.
This week’s survey was near and dear to my heart. Who is the worst dressed golfer in the GCCGL? The league has spoken and in a landslide voted George Almeida is the worst dressed (79% of the votes) and Mike Tucker is the second worst dressed (71% of the votes). Can’t say I argue with these two receiving the most votes. George still buys cargo shorts. Seriously, I haven’t seen cargo shorts being sold in at least 5 years. Yet, in a conversation we had last week, he claims he was wearing a new pair. Don’t even get me started on the turtlenecks he wears, or his green windbreaker he’s had since 1974. Can someone please buy this man a white belt already? And Tucker – how many different patterns can you try to match? Seriously – if you have a pattern on your shirt, maybe go with solid color shorts versus more plaid. And for the love of God can you lose the orange hat? We can already hear you all over the course. The orange hat just acts like a blinking light on top of a radio tower…a constant reminder to low flying aircraft and obstacle is there.
This week was also marked “Say Something Nice Day.” Cupcake asked the league to say something nice about the fellow members, below are the best responses.
George Almeida – He may be short, but that stop him from being bald, or an all-around nice guy.
Troy Bachmann – He was only trying to help the child who fell in the moat.
Allen Bloomhuff – Who cares? It’s not like he plays anymore.
Seth Brooks – Seth seems like a guy I’d be ok with taking my daughter on a date…but I know better.
Joe Carrier – Thanks for being an ass all the time.
Joe Cook – He treats us better than his cousin.
Nick Duer – He does have great form.
Joe Eiser – You are the best 10 handicap golfer I have ever seen.
Pete Goldenberg – He’s never hit me with a thrown club.
Mike Harris – Gave me all his baseball cards when I was 10, which I then traded for a blades of Steel Nintendo game.
Kurt Kreyling – Nice winning percentage….Love, the League
Oliver Livermore – He’s a great role model for Tucker.
Mike Morell – Probably a great guy once I met him.
Jason Nill – He’s the Dick Cheney of the golf league.
Ed Petryk – His attendance rate has really improved since the year I drafted him.
John Rayburn – Best parenting philosophies of anyone in the league.
Brian Roddy – The Politician 2.0.
Danny Roller – No one knows more about girls high school basketball…no one.
John Schemmel – His snap chat in Curacao was on point!
Adam Schott – I really love the way you smile…Love, Mitch
Justin Seiter – Due to the “Legend” stature, he is every woman’s dream!
Mitch Smith – He’s really good at screwing up at golf when it matters.
Mike Tucker – His outfits make Jesper Parnivik do a double take.
Brian Turnwald – Christ, that kid can golf…best player in the league.
Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.
