KREYLING KORNER – WEEK #7 – 06-04-15

THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK

I’m changing things up – each week there will be two MOWs.  One from the A/B group and one from the C/D group.  I usually talk about two matches anyway…why not have two MOWs?  It’s the Kreyling Korner fools…I’ll do what I want.

A/B Group – I don’t want to do it, because it’s kind of embarrassing, but this week’s A/B MOW is Pete “Goldie” Goldenberg versus Co-Commissioner Lip-Gloss.  Listen, I’ve never beat Pete – he is 5-0 against me all time.  I just don’t have good luck against the guy.  Case in point – two years ago he drove his ball straight for a bunker.  Low and behold, a rake was sitting outside the bunker (and yes rakes are supposed to be in the bunker) that stopped his ball.  What did he do with his next shot…chipped in for eagle.  I’m picking Pete in this one 6-4.  Do I really think that’s what is going to happen…or am I playing into the MOW jinx?

C/D Group – you have to give the C/D MOW to Almeida vs. Livermore.  Almeida has Ollie’s number with an overall series record of 5-3.  This one is tough to call.  I’ll tell you one thing – Ollie had some extra swagger in his step last week.  I think the all black outfits gave him confidence we haven’t seen in him since he climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Maybe he wears all black again this week and continues the dominance?  Unfortunately, I don’t think a black outfit will help this week…George wins this one in a nail biter 5.5 – 4.5.  Again, Ollie is on my team…reverse MOW jinx?

THE KREYLING KORNER

It should come as a shock to no one that most GCCGL members do whatever they can to gain advantages against their competition.  I believe the old NASCAR saying goes “if you ain’t cheating you ain’t trying.”  But, I cannot lie – the “bending of the rules” has got a little out of control this year.  From day one there have been discussions of members only entering high scores, score cards being altered when turned into the commissioners’ office, or score cards simply being misplaced.

With all the rampant violations of ethics and integrity in the 2015 season, I figured we would play a little quote association…cheater style.

Isn’t it fun to go out on the golf course and lie in the sun.

We’ll start easy here – this quote has Cletus all over it.  He has been linked to so much scandal, the handicap system has been nicknamed the Cletus Handicap System.  The reason – the stupid system doesn’t move.  You can shoot 3 rounds in the 50s…nothing.  However, it always seems that Cletus shoots 2 to 3 strokes under his handicap each week.  Hmmmmm?

Now – let’s look at this season.  This butt-head actually turned in a score card he cut with scissors before the season started.  Seriously…he cut the score card so only one person in the group would have a score to enter.  Who does that?

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. 

This one may shock you – but this quote is associated with George “The Portugese Warrior” Almeida.  I know, he comes across all jolly and pleasant…a lot like Santa Clause if you will.  But don’t let that laugh that makes his belly jiggle like a bowl full of jelly fool you.  This man is as diabolical as they come.

Last weekend George played 18 holes with Cletus.  The old man must have worn off on George because when I walked into the building on Monday morning I was handed a score card…again altered.  This one had only one score cut out (the other two members of the threesome turned in their scores).  Who’s score was missing?  You quessed it – the warrior.

If all this stuff wasn’t bad enough, this morning there was a letter on my desk.  The letter contained the cut score from George Almeida…and was signed “a Concerned GCCGL Member.”  That’s an understatement – we are all concerned.  If you can’t trust the founder of the GCCGL, who can you trust?

You know the old rule, he who has the fastest cart, never has to play a bad lie. 

Now I know what all of you are thinking – this quote will be associated with a member that normally rides each week.  You, my friend, would be wrong.  We need to address why Pete Goldenberg walks so fast.  Really – the guy sprints to his ball after each shot.  But his walk is even faster when his shot is offline.  Why do you have to get to your ball before everyone else Pete?  I’m not saying you are doing anything wrong…but I’m not saying you are doing everything right either…

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.