Kreyling Korner – Week #6 – 05/23/2019

THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK   

No MOW because it’s the Stableford Scramble this week.  I will, however, update the overall MOW record.  Potter with the L and Bedell got a last-minute sub (which means the match gets tossed) bringing my overall MOW record to 1-4.  I have no idea what my historical record is for picking MOWs but it cannot be better than a 30% winning percentage.  The thing is, I’m really trying to make educated picks.  Is it the MOW jinx or I’m just that bad…I can’t tell anymore. 

THE KREYLING KORNER

Not much time for Kreyling Korner this week!  I’ll use this week for some new golf jokes.

Joke # 1

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. “I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it,” the nun said.

“When did you use this awful language?” the Mother Superior asks.

Answered the nun: “Well, I was golfing and hit this fabulous drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground only 100 yards from the tee.”

“Is that when you cursed?”

“No, Mother Superior,” says the nun. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”

“Is that when you swore?” asks the Mother Superior.

“Well, no,” says the nun. “As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is that when you swore?” asks the amazed elder nun.

“No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear then?” asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole.”

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, “You missed the &!#&%#%! putt, didn’t you?”

Joke # 2

James and his friend Tom were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four ball, better ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

James stood on the 10th tee having hooked his previous three tee shots, and to no one’s surprise he hooked his drive again. When he found his ball, it was right up against one of the greenskeepers buildings. His wife advised him to hit the shot through a narrow gap between the side of the building and some branches.

“I can’t do that,” James said. “Look how narrow that gap is!” But his wife was persistent in urging him on, and she persuaded James to attempt the risky shot.

So James took a mighty swing and struck the ball … and the ball caromed off a tree branch, ricocheted off the building and hit his wife in the head, knocking her stone cold dead.

A week after the funeral, James and another friend, Ashley, were having a round. James teed up the ball on No. 10 and hit the exact shot he had hit a week before.

He found his ball in the same spot, and once again his partner advised him to hit through the gap.

“No way,” James said. “I can’t hit that shot.”

“Why not?” Ashley asked him.

“Well,” James replied, “you know what happened last time.”

“No, I don’t,” said Ashley. “What happened?”

“Well, last time I tried that shot,” James said, “I made a double bogey!”

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.