KREYLING KORNER – WEEK #18 – 08/20/15
THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK
It’s hard to believe but week 18 marks the last week of match play. I can’t speak for the members who have been around forever, but for me the 20th year of the GCCGL has been the best yet. Perhaps my favorite development of the 2015 season is the wrath of the MOW jinx…so without further ado (for what it’s worth I have no shame).
A/B Group – Kurt “Lip-Gloss” Kreyling VS. Danny “Snoodles” Roller – there will be no statistical analysis or historical match-up evaluation in determining the winner this week. Primarily because Cupcake was off most of this week and he hasn’t sent me anything. Regardless, I’m putting this MOW jinx to the test, and what better way to do that than to pick against yourself. I have to give Snoodles a stroke tonight, but I still think he beats me. In fact, I think he crushes me. I have zero chance tonight. I will lose at a minimum of 7-3, maybe worse, maybe the first 10-0 loss in the history of the GCCGL. That should just about do it – like I said…I have no shame.
C/D Group – George “the Portuguese Warrior” Almeida VS. John “Syndrome” Rayburn – I have written the word Portuguese a minimum of 25 times this year…and I still can’t spell it. Anyway, many of you may think this is an interesting pick. Not if you look at the standings – the Massholes (4th place) are 13.5 points ahead of Back in Black (5th place). If my team has any shot of coming in the money (which we really don’t) we need the Massholes to fall and fall hard. With that said, I think tonight is George’s night. The humidity is supposed to drop off and the temperature will be in the lower 70s. That translates to George losing two gallons of fluid in sweat versus three. I think his increased hydration levels help him and he wins 6-4. Good luck tonight George. I mean it – good luck.
THE KREYLING KORNER
We are running out of weeks and everyone in the league seems to enjoy product endorsements. Here are a few more.
Joe “Cousin Joe” Cook – Do it Yourself – Vasectomy Kit
Joe and his wife just welcomed baby cook number 3 to the world a few weeks ago. Congrats to him and his wife! But 3 is enough…and if you aren’t careful, you could end up reproducing like retired GCCGL member Chris Meyer (or worse…Rayburn). What better product for Joe to endorse than a do it yourself Vasectomy kit. No hassles of waiting in doctor’s offices, humiliating exams or actual medical equipment. A scissors, stapler, and a few band aids are all you need. And it all can be done in the comfort of your own home!
Mike “Big Donkey” Harris – Suspenders
Big Donkey is the best golfer in the league – and I don’t think that is debatable. Mike is also the worst at keeping his pants up. He’s a big guy…and when you generate that much swing speed, sometimes your pants fall down. Mike notoriously fixes his trousers about every other hole…maybe it’s time to wear some suspenders. Everyone knows the secret to a smooth swing is keeping your pants firmly above your waist. And look at all those color options – this could be the next fashion trend in golf!
Seth “Knee Pee” Brooks – The UroClub
Seth has trouble peeing in wide open spaces, and the UROClub is designed for discrete, yet sanitary, urgent relief (at least that is what the website says). The website goes on to say “The UroClub is leak proof, easy to clean and no more embarrassing moments.” MATCH. MADE. IN. HEAVEN. Seriously though – who actually designed a fake golf club to pee in? I’m dying to know how many of these things are actually sold. And, I want to know what happened to guys just peeing behind a tree? America is getting soft (pun intended)!
Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.
