KREYLING KORNER – WEEK 16 – 08-06-15

THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK

It’s battle golf week and the putter is in play. GREATEST WEEK EVER! Let’s have some MOW…

A/B Group – Ed “Big Ed” Petryk vs. Nick “Potter Duer” – I have to admit, when pouring over these matches, this one didn’t immediately jump off the page. But after reviewing the historical record, I was shocked that Ed is 1-4 all-time against Nick. Nothing against Nick at all, but I thought these two are pretty evenly matched. Ed hits the ball a long way, and Nick has a sweet iron game. – the perfect balance that would normally make this one exciting. Lots of unknowns tonight – who is a better “mudder,” who putts better without a putter, who drinks more (these guys drink…right)? I think this all comes down to who loses their putter first. Glossy Prediction – Ed claims his second career victory against Potter tonight 6.5-3.5.

C/D Group – Allen “Cletus” Bloomhuff and John “Syndrome” Rayburn – yeah I know it was the MOW in week 2, but how can it not be a MOW every time these two match up? I mean both these guys kind of suck when they have all their clubs in the bag. Imagine how bad this is going to get when they start taking them from each other. Mix in the fact that Bloomhuff still maintains a perfect record against Syndrome at 5-0 and it gets even better! Glossy prediction #1 – Allen is still dead to me after losing to Tucker (my stone cold lock of the year if you recall), so there is no way I’m picking him. This is Rayburn’s week – I think he wins the first hole, takes Allen’s putter and never looks back. Syndrome wins 7-3. Glossy prediction #2 – these two look terrible soaking wet…I just threw up in my mouth a little.

THE KREYLING KORNER

Kreyling Korner is back! I figured what better way to ring in battle golf than with some funny golf jokes. I’ve actually been collecting some of these for a while – and this week feels as good as any to share them with the league. These are some of my favorites – but feel free to add any to the comment section as you see fit.

Joke #1:

A guy walks up to some slow golfers and hands them a card that says, “I am a deaf-mute. Can I play through?” “Bug off,” they tell him. “You can wait just the same as anybody else.” On the next hole, a ball flies at the group and hits one of the slow golfers hard. Doubled over in pain on the ground, the guy looks back at the tee and sees the deaf guy. He’s got his driver in one hand, and the other hand is holding up four fingers.

Joke #2:

A guy gets up at dawn on a Saturday morning and heads for the golf course as usual. But it’s cold and raining, so halfway to the club, he gives up and returns home, where he takes off his clothes, climbs back into bed and snuggles up against his wife. “It’s freezing out there,” he says. “Yeah,” his wife answers sleepily. “Can you believe my stupid husband is playing golf?”

Joke #3 (fitting for tonight):

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

Joke #4:

A man who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for 10 years sees a speck on the horizon. “It’s too small to be a ship,” he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer, he rules out the possibility of it being a small boat, then a raft. Suddenly, a gorgeous blonde woman emerges from the surf wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years!” he says. She unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, “Man, is that ever good!” Then she asks him, “How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” Trembling, he replies, “Ten years!”

She unzips a waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens it, takes a long swig, and says, “That’s fantastic!” Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper down the front of her suit, looks at him seductively, and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?” The man, with tears in his eyes, replies, “Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.