Cookin' the books
Week 16 – August 12, 2012
Preface
This GCCGL moment exemplifies what can happen when you give too much power to the wrong people. It was possibly the single most controversial moment in GCCGL history.
Oh my…..I’m fired up this week. The proverbial pot of controversy has reared its ugly head and it has gotten my Portuguese blood pumping. But first, we had an absolutely gorgeous day this week and of course it contributed to another week of perfect attendance. Once again we had another 5 subs fill in, Berkley, Cerreta, Hausfeld, Dominik and all the way from Willimantic a special appearance from Brian “Chops” Lonneman. Thanks to all!
First there was Watergate, a big enough scandal to take down Nixon. Who can forget Spygate involving the New England Patriots videotaping the Jets defensive signals during a 2007 NFL game. And what about Nipplegate when Justin Timberlake revealed Janet Jackson’s nipple during the halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVIII. Finally, let us not forget Monicagate better known as Zippergate named after Monica Lewinsky who had an “inappropriate relationship” with the then-U.S. President Bill Clinton. None of those have anything on what took place this week behind closed doors at the GCCGL commissioner’s office.
Welcome to “Weneedtomakeupsomepointsquickbeforetheseasonendsgate” or as I call it the Stoogesgate. It’s opened up the “Floodgate” of controversy. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, the original Commish, there was a controversy brewing all week between the two other commissioners (Cupcake and Cletus). Secret lunches, late night dinners and closed door meetings happening right under my nose all week and I knew nothing about it until minutes before tee time! After I found out what all the fuss was about, there was good reason not to include me. You see, the team affected in the most negative way was MY team, Sphincter Says What?. The scandal has to do with some new rule that has conspicuously been added this season after 17 years of the GCCGL. Every new sub who hasn’t posted a score now sets his/her handicap the first time they play. Evidently when someone tells you their handicap is X, it’s no longer good enough for 2 of the 3 commissioners. According to commissioner Cupcake, this was not done for some rounds way back on week 10, SIX Weeks ago! HELLLO! Doesn’t anyone else think this just a little suspicious? The first question that pops to mind right away is why in the world are these two Yahoos investigating dozens and dozens of score cards from several weeks ago in the first place? I mean seriously, it’s going to be Labor Day weekend in a few weeks. I know I’m so freakin’ busy these days that I can’t see straight but here we have a couple of “motivated” boneheads searching every single scorecard, inspecting every little detail and scrutinizing every single hole of every single round from every single match until they hit the MOTHERLOAD! Bingo! They find “something” from way back in June! JUNE for God’s sake! I can only imaging the scene……..
The frantic sound of a 5 digit dial on a speaker phone.
Cupcake: “Cletus, I think I found something”.
Cletus: “Really? What?”
Cupcake: (whisper) “Can’t talk on the phone, come over right away”
Cletus: “Already turning the corner to your office”
Cupcake: “Close the door. Got a possible discrepancy on 6/30/11. This could be BIG!”
Cletus: “Wow, this IS big. This gets my team an additional 5 points!”
Cupcake: “Yep and the best part is it subtracts 4.5 points from Sphincter, putting my team in first place!”
Cletus: “You done good Cupcake…..real good….did you notify Big Donkey”
Cupcake: “Yep. He’s putting together the finishing touches on his “3-Peat” speech”
Some laughter, celebrational high fives and three hours later they get back to work.
Click the Official GCCGL Audit Report to view the injustice portrayed upon this once proud institution.
If this isn’t how it went down, you can bet it was pretty close to it. These guys give a whole new meaning to “cookin’ the books”. I for one declare shenanigans (defined as: secret or dishonest activity or maneuvering)! How else can you describe this pathetic abuse of power in an attempt to manipulate the standings? I can not condone this activity, therefore I’m afraid after 17 years of creating, running and building this league into the premiere golf league of N. KY, I am stepping down as co-commissioner at the end of the season.
Gotcha……..I had you didn’t I……Come on man….I love this league. You can’t get rid of me that easy. Besides, if I let twiddly tee and twiddly dumber run this league, it will fold in two years. Guaranteed. If this week’s blog doesn’t inspire some comments, then nothing will.
T.W.I.G.
Former GCCGL member Lonneman made an appearance this week. He had no clubs (borrowed them from his Dad), no golf shoes, no golf balls and no golf attire. Way to prepare yourself there Brian. Chops played with a pink ball throughout most of his round. He then proceeded to almost decapitate Meyer and Berkley after an errant tee shot on #6. He sliced a low liner to the right as Meyer and Berkley were walking up towards the green. He just stood there, saying nothing. You could here a pin drop….until I yelled out FORE! I think I saved a life maybe two last night. It feels good. Syndrome had an estimated 30 – 35 footer, downhill chip for par on #5 and then drove the green on the very next hole and tapped in for birdie! Who was he playing against? You guessed it, me. You suck Syndrome. Big Donkey decided he’d do a little “landscaping” on the #6 green after three-putting. I believe that little “divot” caused my putt to fall short. You suck Donkey. I’m sorry, if it seems like I’m coming accross a little angry it’s because………………I am.
It was a huge week in the standings (and I don’t mean because of the “audit”). The Handi-Capped took 25 points to open up a huge lead all of a sudden with only two weeks to go. Gunga Galunga, obviously inspired by Meyer’s email pleading for them to pull themselves out of the basement, grabbed 25.5 points to close within 10 points of the 4th place team. The Cletard Rollers, one of the beneficiaries of Stoogesgate, managed a solid 21.5 points and have moved within striking distance of 2nd place. The Heywoods finished with 17 points while the big story is the complete collapse of Sphincter who barely managed double-digits and scored only 11 points! I certainly didn’t do anything to help the cause. Two more weeks to go!
Finally, it’s that time of year again for the annual Swing FORE A Cure Golf Classic on Friday, September 2nd. As many of you know, our own GCCGL sub Zach McNeil has type 1 juvenile diabetes. He and his family have been putting on this wonderful event for a great cause for many years and the GCCGL and other GCC associates have been involved for all those years. Please consider asking your fellow associates, friends and family to join us this year. If you can not make it, please consider a donation to the JDRF. Visit the Team Zachary website for more information. We stay on the front side of the Pioneer for week 17. Check out the poll. Good luck to all and as always hit em’ straight!
George Almeida, GCCGL Co-Commissioner…….for now…
