Walkin’ the Dog

We hope everyone had a great Fourth of July holiday and enjoyed the mid-season break. I was all ready to blog about the ever-so-present “Christmas in July” theme this week. I had it all mapped out in my head. All PW wants for Christmas is for Lip Gloss and Big Donkey to kiss and make up. As I’ve stated countless times in the past, the Portuguese people are peaceful folk. It pains me to witness the tension in the hot, humid air each week. I was prepared to blog about how we all know that Big Donkey did not mean all those things he reportedly said about the GCCGL “not being fun” any more. That the league has “lost its edge” and blaming much of it towards Lip Gloss after the much-publicized Barleycorn’s Blowup of August of 2017. I was ready to present data that would prove, without question, that Syndrome spiked Lip Gloss’ Cosmopolitan which inadvertently led to LG over-reacting to BD’s complaints about the handicap system causing a chain reaction of events that has led to two of GCCGL’s more popular members not speaking one syllable to each other in almost two years. Let me be clear, it was not Syndrome’s intent to fracture the once tight, GCCGL family. Or maybe it was, who the hell knows. I think he just wanted to pants LG in front of the cute waitress, but I could be wrong. My sources for this story aren’t exactly credible. I was ready to dedicate this week’s blog to this story, but then something happened.

As everyone knows, a bunch of the GCCGL members normally head out to Barleycorn’s after each round for wings and beer. YES, that’s the same Barleycorn’s where the famous Barleycorn’s Blowup took place. As Syndrome was recruiting members for the post-round gettogether, Potter replied that he would not be joining the festivities this week because he was “dog sitting”. Really? “Dog sitting”? Potter, you would have been better off saying anything else other than that. You could have said that you had to go home to because you forgot to prep your honey yogurt cucumber mud mask to prevent those unsightly Crowe’s feet around your eyes or that you needed to soak your feet in a nice Epsom salt bath, wrap them up with some plastic wrap and a warm towel for 10 minutes and then gently rub them with a pumice stone for another 5 minutes. The skin should flake off like Ally Sheedy’s dandruff in the Breakfast Club. You could have literally said any of these things but you didn’t. You went with “dog sitting”.

Of course, this whopper of an excuse did not get past Syndrome. This started a wave of texts on Friday morning that, quite honestly, took a turn for the worse. It seems that there is a small fraction of the GCCGL population that whole-heartedly believes that Potter is deliberately hiding something. The question is, “What is that something?”. This was the subject of a barrage of Friday morning texts. As you can imagine with this eclectic group of crazy individuals in this God-forsaken league of ours, the theories ran rampant and ranged from the “plausible” to the “ridiculous” and then comically bordered on the ludicrous and absurd. I can’t share the contents of those texts. As a matter of fact, I deleted the entire chain and then for good measure, I flushed my phone down the toilet.  Despite requests for proof of this alleged “dog” that Potter was supposedly sitting, no pictures surfaced. Whatever the reason was for Potter not going out this week, we can all agree that there was NO DOG. To make matters worse, the following note was found in Potter’s black leather men’s European carry-all.

This post is going a little long and heading in the wrong direction so let’s get to some golf, shall we? I want to first give props to LG and this week’s Kreyling Korner. I loved the “Ugly American” story, absolutely loved it! Great job KK! It made me snort out loud. I read it while I was “baking brownies”, just before I flushed my phone down the toilet. Pink Ball, otherwise known as, “the C/D player’s worst nightmare” was another success. There were 5 Pink Balls lost on the Pioneer front! I think that is some sort of record. I don’t know if it was the pressure of the pink ball or that you just couldn’t see those damn pink balls in the rough. Why don’t we just play “Green Ball” and turn the round into an Easter Egg hunt? Geez-us….. Cup Cupcake, do something about those balls next year will ya? The last group wound up letting a twosome play through, which NEVER happens, because we could not find Goldie’s pink ball drive, which by the way was a BEAUTIFUL DRIVE down the right side which is exactly where you want to be. But we looked for a long time and couldn’t find that darn pink ball. Personally, I think the twosome playing #1 picked up the ball. I approached them and asked them, but they denied it. By the way, what the hell is a twosome doing playing Hole #1 of the Pioneer at 8:30 in the evening? Friends of yours Potter? PW kept taking the flag stick with him. At one point, he literally carried the flag stick to his golf cart and began jamming it in his 25-year-old GCC golf bag wondering why it wasn’t fitting… I’m an idiot.

The results of the Pink Ball Scramble were as follows:

The CTP winners were Boot Boy (A/B) and no one (C/D). How embarrassing. It is almost impossible for at least one (C/D) player to not  hit the green but it seems like it happens every year. We just suck. I’m including myself in that category. Not only did I not hit the green, I lost my ball! At least it wasn’t the pink ball. I pulled it long and left towards the trees and never found it. Ugh. We continue on the Pioneer front this week. If you can’t make it, please give one of our subs a chance to play. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!

The Portuguese Warrior – GCCGL co-commissioner