2023 – Week 17
Some might argue the Stableford scramble seems like a whole lot work for nothin’. But I disagree. This year’s event lacked last year’s controversy but there was still a 14 point difference between the scramble winner and loser. There was also a 9 point difference between the current 1st place and 2nd place teams. Picking up 9 points in one week at this stage of the season is HUGE! That could be the difference between drinking champagne out of Snoodles’ golf shoe or wiping your tears using Ollie’s crusted old golf towel. Why Ollie’s towel is “crusty” is a story for another blog.
Is anyone else getting tired of Cletus’ retirement? The man has nothing to do all day but think of ways to stir shit up in the GCCGL. We need to get Cletus a hobby for f***’s sake. I heard Word Jumbles are an excellent way to stave off brain rot. Granted, we might be a little too deep in the ballgame to help Cletus, but we gotta do something. The old man has been complaining about losing to Tally since way back on week 3. Tally’s HC was probably higher than it should have been because he hadn’t entered 5 scores into the handicap system yet. Typically the commissioner’s office Head of Handicaps Division would adjust the HC and potentially the match based on the most recent score for the new player. It is a difficult and complicated process that requires an absolute unbiased approach with pinpoint precision and decisiveness. Since the recalculation would have only adjusted the score by a 1/2 point in Cletus’ favor, the HOHD decided not to adjust the score.
Cletus, being so concerned about this 1/2 point affecting his team’s chances in winning the 2023 GCCGL Championship, decided to stir up some crap this week, once again complaining that the score should be adjusted immediately! The Head of the Handicap division, co-comissioner Cupcake, presented Cletus with a similar scenario from just a couple of weeks ago where a new sub, Jon Ruther, who played without an established handicap on behalf of Goldenberg. After plugging ½ his GHIN index (16.8 / 2 = 8.4) into our handicap program it said he was a 10 on Willows Back, which he used in his round against Gosney (Roller). He shot a 50, net 39. After adding his official league score into the HC program, it said he should have been playing as a 13 on Willows Back. Now, if we were to give him the full HC he was entitled to, as Cletus would suggest, he would have won the match 5.5 to 4.5 instead of losing the match 3.5 to 6.5 costing Cletus’ team 2 full points adjusted to 1.5 points after giving Cletus his precious 1/2 point back from May. Personally, I think an example needs to be made and the points should be adjusted. This might teach the old man a lesson to stay out of league affairs once and for all, especially if his team loses the GCCGL Championship by 1.5 points.
In other news, there appears to be some in-team fighting on the Meat-Balls team. Apparently while they were discussing the hitting order, GCCGL rookie, Jason Winkler, said something to his teammate Cap in confidence after the Pink Ball scramble about how poorly their A Player, Nixon, played and how he couldn’t handle the pressure of hitting last. Ouch. Well Cap, who apparently is not known for keeping secrets, went and told Nixon all about it. As team Meat-Balls were standing around trying to agree on their hitting order, Nixon, a.k.a, “Patient Zero”, brings it up and rightfully takes offense. Well, this angered Winkler who then rightfully started yelling at Cap for being a snitch!
And where was Meat Morell during all this? I heard he confided with another GCCGL member that he wished he could have been traded before the trading deadline and stated, and I quote, “Why do you think I have the lowest attendance rate of my team? Because I can’t stand those guys!” All those who witnessed this event have asked to remain anonymous and stated that the arguing went on until it was time for them to tee off.
My questions to team Meat-Balls are this:
Nixon, are you going to take that shit?
Winkler, are you going to let Cap sell you out like that?
Cap, are you really going to let a GCCGL rookie call you a snitch and tarnish your credibility?
All this is music to the Courtesy Tap-Ins team who are trying to pull off an unprecedented climb out of the GCCGL cellar and finish in 3rd place (in the money). This is where Meat-Balls currently sits. It’s the race within the race. The hope is that the obvious hatred and lack of trust between the Meat-Balls team members will cause the team to crumble down the stretch and collapse.
This is like just like the time when Crowe told Cupcake that Kreyling’s playlist sucked. Cupcake then went and told Lipgloss who became incredibly offended. Kreyling then confronted Crowe who got really mad at Cupcake for telling Lipgloss. Crowe’s exact words to Cupcake on the green was “I thought that was an A B conversation dude!” Speaking of playlists, Leininger really does have a pretty good mix of tunes on his playlist, especially for someone under 40. He might not be able to take a joke but he has good taste in music. Finally, there was only one Eagle all night and it was a solo eagle by super-sub Brady on hole #8. Nice!
The big winners this week were Return of the Cletus who earned 33 points (6 birdies and 3 pars) and Dude Where’s My par? and Courtesty Tap-Ins who both had 29 points each. The sole closest-to-the-pin winner was PW (C/D). That’s right. Not one (A/B) or (C/D) player hit the green. When co-commissioner Cupcake showed me the proximity markers with my name as the only name on there, it was a nice 5 seconds. I think there should be special dispensation for being the only one out of 24 golfers to hit the green. I think PW should get the (A/B) portion of the pot. No? Congratulations to the winner! We are back to match play this week. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
The Portuguese Warrior – GCCGL co-commissioner
