2020 – Week Two
I woke up last Thursday morning, rolled out of bed, slipped my feet into my bacteria infested slippers, made a cup of Folgers Vanilla Biscotti coffee mixed with two tablespoons of fat-free Nestle Hazelnut Coffee Mate and sat down in front of my computer. It was early, around 6:30AM so I decided to check the GCCGL website and l was ecstatic to find out that I was an 8 handicap this year! Me….PW….an EIGHT handicap! After 54 years in this god-forsaken world, I have finally joined the ranks of the elite golfers in the GCCGL. This brought a tear to my eye as I took a bite of my lightly toasted avocado whole wheat grain toast. I must admit, this was a great 10 second moment until I realized, I’M NOT AN 8! We have a saying in my country, “You can put a tuxedo on a mongoose, but it’s still a mongoose”. Look…..I have no idea what’s going on with this whole world handicap system, and quite frankly I don’t care. But when PW goes from a borderline D Player to a legit B Player overnight, that might be your first indication that something is a little off. Nonetheless, co-commissioner’s Cupcake and Lip Gloss know what they are doing. They’re basically running this league now anyway. I’m just a short, bald, figurehead who’s only responsibility is to summarize a few thoughts once a week and post it to the GCCGL blog. And let’s face it, I can’t even do that right. I’m sitting in front of my computer writing about vanilla biscotti and mongooses! But I digress.
What a beautiful sight it was to witness everyone hanging around the 19th hole, drinking and socializing. It felt good, it felt right. Speaking of the number 19……Did you know that the “19” in COVID19 stands for the average number of pounds Americans gained during the pandemic? It’s true. Let’s be honest, all this quarantine crap hasn’t done any of us any favors. As I was observing everyone after the round, it was obvious that more than a few of us are maximizing the elasticity of the waist bands holding up our golf shorts. I’m not saying we all got fat, I’m just saying many of us might have put on a “couple” of extra pounds. That’s all.
Let’s give it up for Lip Gloss and his new roundtable discussion on this past week’s Kreyling’s Korner. OK, it might have been a little long but nonetheless, it was entertaining. However, I completely disagree with KK’s assessment of PW in last week’s MOW.
No WAY I’m one of the most likable guys in this league! Everything else was accurate.
The BIG winners this week were Dixon Plainview who nabbed 25.5 points! They were led by Meat and Gobstopper who both took 8 points. PW took a good old-fashioned shellacking bringing shame and humiliation to my family. As if this wasn’t bad enough, Mrs. PW just about kicked me out of the house after learning about The Assassin’s haircut. It was a bad day all around for yours truly. Gout My Fairway 2.0 took 22.5 points as they were led by The Politician who grabbed 7.5 points. The rest of the teams finished under 20 points so they deserve no ink.
In keeping with the whole “fat-theme”, I thought we’d leave you with a short compilation of one of my favorite comedians of all-time, Rodney Dangerfield. It’s short but sweet. They don’t make ’em like this anymore. Not sure Rodney would have been as successful as he was back then in today’s political correctness world we live in. Disclaimer: If you are easily offended, please do not watch this video. Enjoy.
The low net winners were Meat (A/B) with a low net 35 and Han Solo (C/D) with a low net 33. Congratulations to the winners! We finally received the new course ratings from the clubhouse and they’ve been entered into the new world handicap system. The new ratings and new tee locations actually DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the overall player handicap. For example, I went from giving two strokes to actually getting 1 stroke! What in the holy hell kind of scheme is Cupcake and Lip Gloss cooking this season? We play on the Pioneer back this week. The schedule is set! I hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
PW – GCCGL co–commissioner
