2020 – Week Nine

Talk about a bad day for PW. It started with the forecast of HOT and HUMID. That’s a bad combination for the Portuguese people. I don’t know if many of you know this, but the Portuguese have an extra sweat gland located at the top of their skulls that secrete and extra 10% of fluid than the rest of the population. Normally, this is not a big deal as the extra fluid is sponged up by the human head of hair. However, when your completely bald, this creates a problem for folks like PW. On hole #15, PW went searching for his ball in the trees to the left and navigating through the thick forest of pines, sweat began pouring into my eyes (yea that’s it). This temporarily blinded me causing me to crash into a rather large, low hanging tree branch. Instead of pressing the brake, I continued on, snapping off the branch and eventually coming to a stop several feet after impact. Stunned and confused, my vision blurred, I staggered out of the cart. My hands were covered in sap and there was debris everywhere. It was at that moment, I noticed a large, round shadow of a beast coming towards me. I couldn’t make it out because my eyeglasses were knocked off by the abnormally large tree branch. At first, I thought it was a deer, but it was too fat to be a deer. I didn’t know they had black bear in this part of the US, so I immediately went for my pitching wedge for protection (I can’t hit that club anyway). This was ONE FAT bear. As I braced myself for a confrontation, the beast pulled an iPhone from his ass and started taking pictures? Oh, it was Syndrome, not some stupid bear. As Syndrome stood there laughing at PW’s misery and taking pictures, I began looking for my hat and eyeglasses. After I used all my strength to un-wedge the branch from my cart, I found my hat (unharmed) and my eyeglasses laying on the ground, crushed. PULVERISED! I almost poked my eye out! The rest of the hole consisted of PW making one bad decision after another. If that wasn’t bad enough, then my golf bag comes flying off my cart on hole #18 after the round. Once again, instead of helping poor PW, the cameras came out and started snapping away. I wouldn’t expect anything less from this league. Here are some pics commemorating the debacle.

I was in a rush to complete the GCCGL blog last week and I realized I hadn’t even mentioned Cletus getting struck by a golf ball (on the fly) by Patient Zero. This is another specialty of PW’s (the art of getting hit by golf balls). I’ve been hit so many times, I’ve lost count. Getting hit by golf balls is no joke. It can cause serious injury. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And then it’s just fun. Fortunately, Cletus came away relatively unscathed but here are some pics of his war scars. Not for nothin’ Cletus, but we need to get you some sun old man. Those legs are looking a little pasty. 

The US Open Rules event lived up to it’s reputation once again producing several higher than usual scores in the 60’s, 50’s and high 40’s from some of our best A Players. What is it about this event that brings the worst out of us? Who knows.

The standings are in a state of flux. We have yet another leader (I think the third team out of five that have experienced a taste of first place). The big winners this week were Cupcake Exotics with 24 points. They were led by Cupcake who managed 8 points. Gout My Fairway 2.0 also had a good week grabbing 22.5 points. They were led by Syndrome who took 6.5 points. China Virus moved into first place after a 22 point week. They were led by Swiper who stole 7.5 points. With the season officially halfway complete, only 17 points separate all five teams. This could be one of the most contested GCCGL races in history if this keeps up.

Quote of the week goes to Han Solo after scoring a bogey and losing the hole to Cupcake he stated, “I’ll take a stress-free bogey over a scrambling par any day of the week.” Really? I think the time has come for Han Solo to come out to Barley Corn’s and talk with the league elders about the fundamental goal of golf. I think it might help.

The low net winners were (A/B) Roller with a low net 36 and (C/D) Syndrome with a low net 33. Congratulations to the winners! We get back to regular match play this week on the Pioneer front. The schedule is set! I hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!

PW – GCCGL co–commissioner