2020 – Week Five

I’m sitting here alone in front of my computer. It’s pitch dark outside and I’m gathering my thoughts for this week’s GCCGL blog. I’ve been wide awake since 2AM, maybe earlier. It’s my fault. I blame only myself. By now, most of the GCCGL members know about the affliction that PW suffers from when drinking alcohol too late in the evening. I’m not going to go into it again in detail other than to say I should not have gone out to Barley Corns. And I certainly should not have kept drinking beer past 8pm.

So much happened last night but in typical fashion, I forgot most of it. I did remember that we had a great crowd show up at Barley Corns again. We squeezed 10 folks around a table for 8. So much for social distancing. But then Lip Gloss and Danielle showed up and we were suddenly over the COVID limit of 10 people per group. Dang! That prompted Couzin’ Joe to get up and join LG and Danielle at a separate table, the “kid’s table” as it was later referred to the rest of the night. I, for one, was very disappointed. I was looking forward to finally getting Lip Gloss and Big Donkey at the same table and working things out. I was prepared to mediate the whole thing. Syndrome would have been instigating and pushing all kinds of buttons on both sides. Couzin Joe would have been spouting out “facts as he remembered it” 2 ½ years ago. Potter and The Politician would have been the voices of reason (that tells you a lot right there). The Assassin would have been on his second order of Grouper Fingers. Goldie and Snoodles would have been arguing about why Goldie wasn’t going on the Vegas trip. And Danielle would have been questioning her decision making and wondering why in the hell she came to Barley Corns with this motley crew in the first place. There would have been a lot of yelling, cursing, blaming at first but it would have ended with fist bumps and hugs and maybe even a few tears. Snoodles is a very sensitive person. It would have been beautiful. If only KK had not driven like an 80-year-old grandma and gotten to the restaurant a couple of minutes earlier, you could have been reading about a historic reunion between two of the most beloved GCCGL members in the league. But instead, you get stuck with this.

I know many of you tuned into this week’s blog post hoping to get some juicy tidbits about the round between PW and The Assassin, but I just don’t have the time or energy. Besides, I can sum up the entire thing in one word, “gamesmanship”.  It became obvious to me around 10pm Thursday evening that The Assassin did not understand the meaning of this word because he was still talking about the round 4 hours after it ended and still seemed quite unnerved about the whole thing. Gamesmanship is “the art of winning games by using various ploys and tactics to gain a psychological advantage”. That is what the whole fuss was about. PW was in the midst of a good ‘ol fashioned beatdown of monumental proportions. By hole #15, I think I only had 1.5 points and things were going from bad to worse. It was obvious to me that I had to turn things around quickly and it wasn’t going to be with my golf game. So, I pulled a page out of the Cletus handbook, “Hidden Secrets to Hillbilly Head Games”, available on Amazon and hard cover only. It was my only option.

The turning point came on hole #15, when The Assassin made me tap in a 1-foot putt to squeeze out a ½ point. I’m going on record as stating, I would have done the same thing. You gotta make your opponent tap those in when points are on the line. But I stored that seemly insignificant moment into the memory bank and began plotting my comeback. On #16, I was in deep trouble again.  What a shock.  As I’m hacking my way to the green in (5), the whole time I’m thinking about what it will be like sleeping in my SUV because there’s no way the wife is letting me back in the house after learning of this shellacking. So, I 2-putt for a 7 and head off to the side of the green with Syndrome and Cap while The Assassin is lining up his putt. He hit a great drive but got snookered by some trees and had his own problems getting to the green but he was laying 5, about 4 feet from the pin about to win the hole when I began mumbling to Syndrome and Cap about how I would have “given” him this putt if only he hadn’t made me putt the 1-footer on #15. I purposely said it just loud enough for him to hear me. He took the bait. He starts engaging with me while he’s lining up his putt. He misses the putt and is now approximately 4.5 feet away from the hole. From the angle I was standing, it looked like a tap in, but I’m old and half blind so what do I know. Now I tell him outright (no mumbling this time), “I definitely would give you THIS putt but…..you know…..YOU made me putt a 1-footer so….”. Once again, he’s 100% engaged and he’s really taking his time lining up these putts. He misses the comebacker and loses the hole outright. Ouch that hurt, 3-putt from four feet.

Cletus Handbook – 1
The Assassin – 0

From there, I wound up winning #17 and would have won #18 if not for a lip-out putt. In the end The Assassin defeated PW 5.5 – 4.5, fair and square. But it could have been much, much worse. For the record, I like The Assassin. We have a lot in common. He’s from South Carolina. I love South Carolina. If that’s not kindred spirits, I don’t know what is. A lot of folks don’t know this but I was the one who encouraged The Assassin to join the league when he first moved to Cincinnati. He had heard some unsavory rumors about a “good old boys club” and the league being impossible to get into. I told him that was all fake news propaganda spouted by the corrupt media to discredit this fine institution of ours. I put my arm around the kid (this was pre-COVID) and told him about a time when a young 20-something Portuguese man moved from the beaches of New Jersey to Cincinnati. I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t understand the culture or speak the language. I was scared that I had made a huge mistake. So, I decided to form the GCCGL to make new friends and to learn the ways of the native Kentuckians and neighboring Ohioans. This pep-talk was enough to encourage the young Assassin to join the GCCGL.  He then he promptly picked PW to be on his GCCGL team, Wrath of SerKhan, where we won a GCCGL Championship together and the rest is history. So, there you have it. That’s the whole story. It’s the truth. No hard feelings Serkan, I’m still a big fan!

The BIG winners this week were China Virus who took 25.5 points! They were led by Potter and Couzin’ Joe who both took 7 points. Dixon Plainview continue their undefeated ways nabbing another 22 points. They were led by Goldie who won 7 points.

The low net winners were (A/B) Potter with a low net 31 and (C/D) Cupcake with a low net 35. Congratulations to the winners! This week is the Stableford Scramble on the Pioneer front. This could be a pivotal week in the standings as everyone is bunched together and this is the only event where the number of points a team can make is unlimited! Good luck to everyone.  Also, I will not be available next weekend so I’m looking for a guest blogger for next week’s blog. The schedule is set! I hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!

PW – GCCGL co–commissioner