2016 – Week 1
It didn’t look good as we all huddled near the clubhouse and watched the rain pouring down. There was even a rumble of thunder, a lightning strike or two and the horn went off warning golfers to take cover. All this happened right around the time we were supposed to be teeing off. But once again, as other leagues were turning in their receipts for rain checks, the GCCGL were heading out to the tee box. It wound up being a decent evening with not as much as a drop of rain during our round and all six teams finished with enough daylight. We had perfect attendance thanks to four subs, Miller, Junker, Harmeling and …….Cunningham?
There were several GCCGL rookies playing this week and someone mentioned that they seemed a little timid and perhaps a little reserved. That’s understandable. This league can be a little unorthodox to say the least but that’s what makes it so great. To make matters worse, they’re still trying to figure out who everybody is based on everyone’s nicknames. Seriously, these kids are still trying to figure out what a “Cletus” is, never mind who Big Donkey, Gobstopper a.k.a Grimace, Lip Gloss, Cupcake and Syndrome are. It’s hard to keep track of who is who with other nicknames like the Portuguese Warrior, Cousin Joe, Goldie, Ollie, Potter, Knee Pee, Prince Albert, Snoodles, The Legend, Gorton Fisherman, Scratch, Boot Boy, Big Ed, Hollywood and Radio a.k.a Squints or whatever nickname of the week Tucker gets tagged with. Heck, we even had a Keebler sighting this week. I haven’t even gotten to the substitute’s nicknames. At any rate, let’s give the new kids on the block some slack as they get accustomed to this whacked out league. My advice to all the newbies, keep your head down, mouth shut and try not to make any sudden movements, especially on the 19th hole. And remember, you don’t choose your nickname, the nickname chooses you.
You want proof that this league is ….ahem….“unconventional”? Check out the first ever, on-the-green gallery shot. Really? The victims this time were Gamblers Fallacy. Not sure who had a worse night, them or the Reds who lost 16-0 and got no-hit.
Click for larger view
Click for larger view
What is it about this league and the relationship with the Kenton County Golf Course cart jockeys? The animosity between Syndrome and the cart guys is palpable and well known throughout the golf leagues in the region. But now they have a new person to hate. As I was returning my cart, I noticed Squints nose-to-nose with an 80 year old man yelling at each other about the carts. In all fairness, the cart jockey was out of line asking for the carts to be returned as Laying 8 was still on the putting green. Anyway, out of the corner of my eye I could have sworn I saw the Q-Tip slapping Squint’s 1990’s orange Tiger Woods hat off his noggin, putting him in a headlock and digging his old, decrepit, bony arthritic knuckles into Tucker’s skull giving him a noogie. But I could be mistaken. I stayed out of that dispute and walked into another between Big Donkey and Lip Gloss near the 18th green. Something to do with a perceived unfairness by Big Donkey regarding this season’s draft order. It was too much for me to handle on the first day of the season so I turned around and headed to Wings and Rings with Syndrome. The Portuguese are a peaceful people. We avoid conflict like delegates avoid Trump. My two cents regarding this matter is that the draft order can’t be all that rigged against BD. I mean, the man has 7 GCCGL Championships under his belt. I’m just saying….
Let’s get to the results. Co-commissioner Lip Gloss took another blow in an impromptu survey sent out by Mr. “Most Trustworthy” co-commissioner Cupcake. Oh….you were expecting the results of the Florida Scramble? No worries, that’s up next but I felt it was important to briefly discuss the latest survey results. LG portrays himself as an impervious, thick-skinned co-commissioner, but he has feelings too you know. Behind that callous, cold persona of his, lies a sensitive, delicate yet complex man who just wants to be accepted by his GCCGL peers. So the next time you see KK, whether it’s in the halls of the building, on the golf course or in the health and beauty section at Dillard’s, give him a hug and tell him that he is wanted and appreciated. Or you can leave him a nice comment below. Yes, I’m still fishing for folks to start leaving comments on this blog!
There was a three-way tie for first place in the Florida Scramble between, Protein for Peffercorn, Three Men and a Sub and the Massholes…..um I mean Grandpa’s Cough Medicine. GCM is basically a repeat of last year’s Massholes team but with a much better team name! All three teams finished -2. Coming in 4th place, the early season favorite, Prince Albert Syndrome with a -1. Not only did they not win the scramble, they had ONE job to do which was to grab the proximity markers for the CTP and they couldn’t handle that. Laying 8 couldn’t break par and finished +1 alone in 5th place. Bringing up the rear was Gamblers Fallacy at an unimpressive +2.
The winners of the Closest-to-the-pin competition were (A/B) Ed Petryk and (C/D) Joe Carrier. Congratulations to the winners! Checkout the latest segment of the Prince Albert Chronicles. Not sure how long this will last but it can only add to the overall entertainment factor that we strive for here at the GCCGL. We stay on the Willows back nine next week for the first match play of the season. If you can’t make it, please get a sub. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
