2015 – Week 4

By far the best week we’ve had from a weather perspective thus far. Not too cold, not too hot. This all led to another perfect week of attendance thanks to a whopping four substitutes filling in this week. A big thanks to Tucker, Knechtges, Bush and Reinersman. Despite the overcast skies, we finished with enough daylight and there were no delays on the tee.

Before I begin, just a quick administrative announcement from the GCCGL league office. We have added additional services to the 24 x 7 GCCGL hot line at 859.572.8994. We are very excited to have added a pet pooper scooper service, landscaping and (men-only) massages to our ever-growing list of amenities available to our members. I plead with you, please take advantage of these perks.

I’m sitting here on a somewhat damp but otherwise beautiful early Saturday morning in the greater Cincinnati area, a hot cup of Hazelnet Caramel Macchiato coffee with just a pinch of whipped cream to my right and some GCC work to my left…. yes, I’m working and blogging at the same time. I never cease to amaze myself how awesome I truly am. I know what you’re thinking, what a wimp that Almeida is, drinking a sissy flavored coffee instead of taking it black like a man. It’s true, I love me some of that designer coffee almost as much as co-commissioner Cupcake likes flexing in front of the men’s locker room mirror for hours before match play and co-commissioner Lip Gloss’ love of shopping for trendy Neiman Marcus socks to match his Salvatore Ferragamo belts.

At any rate, unlike last week where there was absolutely bupkis to talk about, this week was the Pot Luck event which always stirs the pot just a wee bit more vigorously. Ever since the GCCGL changed the format in 2013 so that A/B is matched up with C/D, it has created some interesting match-ups. This year was no exception. For my money, one of the more interesting match-ups was the shortest GCCGL member, Golf Angel, versus the tallest member, Big Ed. The old adage “Good things come in little packages”, certainly rang true this week as Golf Angel defeated Big Ed (6.5 – 3.5). Then there was Goldie vs Szylakowski. Goldie was giving up 17 strokes! It proved to be too much to overcome as Gregg pummeled Goldie (6.5 – 3.5). For the first time in history, we had a player who got thrashed pretty good AND still won the low net prize (tied)! Finally, there was the match between fellow co-commissioners, LG and Cupcake. It was one of the MOW’s. As usual, LG was WAY OFF on this one! Cupcake whipped up on a run-down but fashionable Lip Gloss (8 – 2). LG was also off the mark on the other MOW between JJ and Brooks. Has he hit on any of his MOW picks yet this season?

It was an extra lively gallery with a feeding-frenzy mentality this week. It was like watching a group of sharks toying with a little baby seal before going in for the kill. Anyone and everyone who breathed was a target. Your best defense was to stand there very still, taking in short, quiet breaths while making no sudden movements and certainly no eye contact. The ring leader of the sharks was of course, Syndrome who if I had to compare to a type of shark, I’d have to go with the Prickly Dogfish Shark. It’s a curious species with a humped and compressed body and a chubby almost cartoon-like appearance. That pretty much describes Syndrome to a tee. Cletus, on the other hand, most certainly reminds me of the Goblin Shark. Have you seen this hideous monstrosity? Despite the similarities in appearance, that’s not what makes this shark like Cletus. This species has been rumored to have been around since the pre-historic days (like Cletus) and still remains an enigma. I ask you, how much do we REALLY know about Cletus? As for myself, I wouldn’t classify myself as one of the sharks but during my “shark” research, I came across the Portuguese Dogfish Shark, which is so similar to the Portuguese Warrior, I might actually be related to it. I mean, it looks just like me and if I’m being honest, it’s a little better looking. This species is a slow-growing shark with a stocky build and brownish skin. AND….it doesn’t speak Portuguese just like me! OK, I’m getting goose bumps now. I feel as if I should invite this thing to our next Thanksgiving get-together.

OK, somehow I’ve gotten way off topic. Anyway, as for the gallery material, unfortunately much of it was not suited for a family-oriented blog such as this one but there were a few nuggets that we were able to extract. Apparently the word-of-the-day was “protein”. Lickert hates her nickname “Albatross” and Tucker’s new nickname is “Radio”. Many of the newbie members are not caught up on GCCGL History such as how “Snoodles” got his nickname and other significant milestones. As you know, substitute opportunities have been down this season but trust me, that will change SOON. This has led to the development of a new GCCGL affliction called S.A.D. (Substitute Acute Depression). This occurs when the sub finally gets the call to substitute in the GCCGL and within a 24 hours period goes from a state of euphoric to a deep depression after getting schooled by a veteran GCCGL member. It’s been a common occurrence this season. There have been only 7 subs this season and they’ve amassed a feeble 1-5-1 record and only 26 points (that’s an average of less than 4 points per match play). Therefore, if you see a sub roaming the hallways of GCC with a glazed looked in their eyes and a coffee stain on their shirt, give ’em a hug and tell them that everything will be OK. They will get a second chance to sub and redeem themselves. Thank you.

Finally, another interesting tidbit of statistical information is how each group of players has fared in the Pot Luck event since the rules change in 2013. Check it out.

The big winners this week were Roller and Duer Again who won a GCCGL record 30 points this week! They were led by the old magic wand wielder, Potter, who grabbed 8.5 points. RADA have catapulted all the way into 2nd place. Daddy Day Care had a pretty good week too collecting another 25.5 points. They were led once again by Cletus who won another 7.5 points. The Massholes finished in the top three with 18.5 points. They were led by PW (that’s me), who got lucky and took 8 points. The big losers were Three Men and an Ollie who managed a paltry 13 points. This was not the worst showing in GCCGL history as that distinction goes to last year’s team of Balls and Dolls with 12 points.

The low net winners for (A/B) were Goldie, Bleaker and J.J. with a low net of 37 while Cupcake (C/D) took the money with a low net of 33. Congratulations to the winners! We move to the friendly confines of the Pioneer course for the next four weeks. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner

Disclaimer: All comparisons and/or references that could be misconstrued as insensitive or just downright mean are fictitious and made purely for the sole entertainment value of our members. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.