2015 – Opening Day

It’s almost here! The start of the 20^th anniversary season of the GCCGL! We have a lot to talk about so let’s start with the 2015 GCCGL predictions. The word around northern Kentucky is that the 2015 campaign is predicted to split into a league of the “haves” and “have nots”. Most experts are predicting that the following three teams will be fighting for the GCCGL Championship in late August.

Roller and Duer Again (1)
The Offensive Line (2)
Three Men and an Ollie (3)

While the rest of the league serves as the bottom feeders. That leaves the following three teams competing for the scraps left behind by the elite:

Daddy Day Care (4)
Massholes (5)
The Big Bang Theory (6)

I’m hearing things like “Roller and Duer is a lock! The rest of the league shouldn’t even bother showing up”. “The Offensive Line is going to steam roll over anyone in their way”. And that the “Big Bang Theory may not win a single team match all season”! Now, I can’t reveal the sources of these comments but I can assure you that there has been a lot of chatter amongst the GCCGL members.  Who am I to decide what’s true and what’s false. I just report what my little pigeons tell me. Who do you think are the favorites and who do you think will be eliminated from contention by the end of April? Tweet us @TheRealGCCGL!

An early season controversy is already brewing and we haven’t even officially started. Can you guess who’s right smack in the middle of it? You guessed it……Cletus! The old man has been organizing weekend foursomes for the last couple of weeks at the Willows course. The first week, he turned in the cards for all four golfers. The scores were pretty high considering it was the first time out for everyone, the course was soaking wet and it was cart path only. However, last Saturday was the nicest day of the year.  Consequently, the scores were significantly better. But in typical Cletus fashion, he didn’t turn in the score cards! As a matter of fact, there was only one score turned in; that of Mike Tucker’s. The other golfers on the score card were conspicuously CUT OUT! That’s right, the commissioner’s office was given a quarter of a scorecard by Mr. Bloomhuff. He actually used a scissor to cut out everyone’s score except Tucker’s. Really? The reason behind all the scissors action was because Cletus, Rayburn and some others posted decent scores and chose NOT to turn those in in order to keep their handicaps as inflated as possible heading into the season. As the infamous Jackie Chiles would say, “That’s downright lewd, lascivious, salacious and outrageous!” I agree Jackie! It’s preposterous!

Now, in all fairness, Cletus is claiming that he forgot his scorecard in the cart. Dementia is a serious condition and its onset can occur suddenly and without warning. We’ve all witnessed glimpses of this in Cletus’ behavior the last couple of years. However, given the past shenanigans of this elderly, crafty hillbilly from the backwoods of the Commonwealth, you can see why there would be some skepticism. Despite his best efforts, Cletus slipped up. He emailed both his front and back nine scores to the commissioner’s office while he was bragging about how great he played! For that matter, so did Syndrome! Syndrome texted me both his scores as he was drinking cold Labatts at BW’s in order to get a rise out of me but failed to realize that he was inadvertently turning in his scores!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Karma is real. The next time you boys don’t want your scores posted to the GCCGL Handicap database, try to refrain from texting and emailing them to GCCGL commissioners or anyone else who has a horse in the race.

Let’s talk HOF for a little while. The votes are in! Despite a piss poor voting rate of 50%, we have our inaugural inductees to the 2015 GCCGL Hall of Fame.

Jason Nill – for HOF and Lifetime Achievement

• 2^nd all-time on the career earnings list ($752.12)
• 1^st (tied) for all-time number of GCCGL championships (6)
• 4^th all-time career wins (76)
• 2^nd all-time career points (973)
• 21^st all-time career winning PCT (.529)
• 3^rd all-time career games (154)
• Long time GCCGL treasurer, statistician, co-commissioner and league enforcer

Cupcake is well deserving of this honor. His GCCGL statistics cannot be questioned. His teams win championships. His service in the GCCGL commissioner’s office has transformed this league into the premier golf league in the Southeast. He is the ONLY one who knows how to update the GCCGL “morning after” stats spreadsheet. No one else can figure it out! He owns one of the hardest swings in the league and is always prepared for each match and he hardly ever runs out of beer during a round.

Allen Bloomhuff – for HOF and Lifetime Achievement

• 1^st all-time on the career earnings list ($843.87)
• 2^nd (tied) for all-time number of GCCGL championships (4)
• 1^st all-time career wins (87)
• 3^rd all-time career points (938.5)
• 16^th all-time career winning PCT (.540)
• 1^st all-time career games (173)
• Former GCCGL co-commissioner, handicap czar, tee time planner and league prankster

Cletus is well deserving of this honor. His GCCGL statistics are even more impressive than that of co-commissioner Cupcake except for the GCCGL championships. His service in the GCCGL commissioner’s office is legendary and rife with controversy. His Cletus Handicap system has been adopted throughout other Appalachian beer leagues. His antics and tomfooleries have provided countless entertainment blog material. Cletus was also known to keep everyone honest with his side bets which later on morphed into the GCCGL blog’s Cletus Tally.

George Almeida – for HOF and Lifetime Achievement

• 5^th all-time on the career earnings list ($589.79)
• 3^rd (tied) for all-time number of GCCGL championships (3)
• 2^nd all-time career wins (84)
• 1^st all-time career points (1,102.5)
• 13^th all-time career winning PCT (.558)
• 2^nd all-time career games (164)
• GCCGL founder and co-commissioner, GCCGL website administrator and blogger

Despite my objections, my fellow co-commissioners voted 2-1 thus allowing me this prestigious honor. Twenty years ago at the ripe young age of 29, I took it upon myself to find a tee time at a local golf course within 20 minutes of the office. Back then, this was no easy task. League tee-times were like gold. Kenton County was the last course I called and by chance they had just received a cancellation that same day for the 6:07pm Thursday tee-time! It was fate. I immediately booked it without having so much as a plan. I had 1 other committed golfer and no idea how to organize, never mind run a golf league. After all, I has just begun learning the game myself. Somehow I managed to scrap up 14 other golfers and a handful of subs (maybe less than a handful). We started with a spreadsheet that kept all the scores, statistics and handicaps. I handled all the handicaps, statistics, tee-times, rules, website, money and anything else that had to do with the league for the first 5-6 years until it got to be too much for one person. That is when Jason Nill and Allen Bloomhuff offered their help and I immediately accepted. The rest is history.

The weather will be a bit cold this Thursday but we will be playing golf! We open the season with the traditional Florida Scramble. We hope to see everyone on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner