2014 – Week 7
Man oh man, who dialed up that perfect weather this week? Whoever did, I’ll take another 11 weeks of that! Perfect weather equaled perfect attendance once again. We had all 24 golfers show up and like I stated last week, the clubhouse has noticed. No one commented last week on thoughts regarding moving up to the 5:16pm slot. At any rate, the slot is there if the league wants it. And to any subs who really get the itch to play on a given week but unfortunately did not get the call from the bullpen, grab at least one other sub and come join us in the last group and get some scores in. Remember, to notify the league’s commissioner’s office (jnill@generalcable.com) if you plan on joining us. Thank you to the subs who filled in this week, Mike Bush, Mitch Smith and Brian Roddy.
This week started off with the comedy routine of Gobstopper & Ollie on the first tee. Unfortunately I missed the whole skit because I was on the practice green (silly me). It started with Troy saying “Oliver, you’re not going to <insert expletive here> me tonight. You’re going to count each and every stroke out there. I do not have a problem with losing, but I’m not going to lose to someone not counting all of their strokes. If I have to start keeping your score I’m going to kick your ass.” It’s OK to say ass here because they allow it on TV. At this point, the crowd around the tee box are all in shock at what has just happened. Surprisingly enough, Ollie took it very well and just laughed it off. Then just before Ollie hits, Troy reminds him again “Oliver remember, you’re going to count each and every stroke out there. Don’t move the ball away from trees, don’t bring out the foot wedge, don’t fire up the weed eater and perform some landscaping around your ball, etc. I’ll be watching.” Ollie hits his ball, not very well, off to the right. He turns to Troy and says, “That’s 2. I’ll count all of my shots double and still kick your ass.” At this point everyone is laughing. It’s like a Laurel and Hardy comedy routine. Troy goes up to hit his tee shot takes a practice swing, Ollie says, “You missed, that’s 1“. Troy crushes one down the middle of the fairway and turns to Oliver and says, “I didn’t miss that one!” Ollie ended up winning the match 6-4 and Troy commented at the end of the round he was perfectly fine with that as he kept accurate scores throughout the round. This was so entertaining that the league has instituted an immediate scheduling change, Bachmann and Livermore will be matched up against each other for the rest of the season. Once again, no one had the foresight to video this exchange. To be fair, it was spontaneous and happened so quickly, there probably wasn’t enough time. This just means that everyone needs to be on alert at all times!
Staying on Gobstopper for a moment, my group and I were almost the recipient of an errant tee shot from one of Bachmann’s 5 hybrids in his bag. This usually isn’t a big deal and not worthy of blog ink since we all pretty much put our lives in danger every Thursday night in the Spring and Summer with this group of hackers, but this was a little different for two reasons. First, because we were standing on the green on the #5 Par 3. Troy was teeing off on #8! Barry Gibb is just about to putt when all of a sudden, we hear FORE (a little late) and a ball drops in between all of us, no more than a foot or two away from pinging one of us in the head. Thankfully it landed on the green and stopped right in McLinn’s line! Mr .Gibb was NOT happy. The second reason this is worth mentioning is because of my history of getting struck by golf balls. Many of the GCCGL veterans know of my uncanny ability to act as magnet for GCCGL wayward shots, but since we have a lot of new blood this season, you can read about it here. Because we take safety so seriously at the GCCGL, I can envision the day a new GCCGL rule is instituted that will require all members of Almeida’s foursome to wear a helmet during the round.
The gallery made an appearance this week and they were boisterous to say the least. Unfortunately, I was the recipient after hitting my approach shot long. There was taunting, bets were being taken on whether I’d chip it on the green even though I was three feet away, Cletus ramming his foot up my *** (in this instance, we felt it was NOT appropriate use of the “A” word). Keeping it clean for the kids out there. Just when you thought it was over, Cletus leaned down and pulled on my leg hair almost during my back swing. OK, I must admit, for the first time since the 5th grade, I felt like hurting someone. I really did want to bury my sand wedge in Cletus’ <insert orifice here>. If all this wasn’t bad enough, I found out during the post-round get-together that Lipgloss tried to use me as an ash tray to dispose of his cigar. This was more abuse than one man should take and all because I misjudged my 7 iron. But you’ll be glad to know I am receiving help from the good folks at the emotional abuse hotline. They are still trying to figure out what “category” to file this particular instance of exploitation, but once they do, I hope to get the help I so desperately need. Here is the shot captured by our very own Golf Angel. All I can say is thank goodness I passed on the seven-bean soup for lunch.
click for up-close and personal view
There’s so much more but this blog post is getting long so let me wrap things up. Balls and Dolls are back to their old tricks as this season’s GCCGL doormat. They were pummeled by Carrier to the Hole and Duer (27 -13). They were led by Couzin’ Joe who grabbed 8 points. On a side note, Syndrome has regained his position as points leader on B&D. Putt Pirate’s defeated Morning Wood (25 – 15). They were led by Cupcake who recorded another 8 points. Schmuck dynasty outlasted Das Boots are Made for golfing (21 -19). They were led by Prince Albert who subbed for Chris Meyer. Mitch grabbed 7 points. Snoodle’s putting display is starting to become legendary, but he still lost to Goldie. We had 4 rounds in the 30’s! Nice! The standings are tightening up with less than 3 points separating the middle of the pack.
Finally, a league member was caught using the Pioneer 9th green as his personal practice green. The problem here is that we were schedule to play this hole. The USGA rules specifically prohibits testing the surface in Rule 16-1, section D. The penalty for breaching this rule is loss of hole (match play) or two strokes (stroke play). As it turned out, the offender did not win this hole so no harm was done. Let this be a warning……or not……I really don’t care.
We move to the Pioneer back nine for the next two weeks. The GCCGL Gallery has been updated. I will not be there this week so keep your eyes and ears open and send all the juicy details to the GCCGL commissioner’s office as I will still be able to update the blog. Winners of the low net were Joe Cook (A/B) with a low net of 29! The (C/D) winner was Glen Gustafson with a low net of 31! Great rounds, congratulations! We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL founder and co-commissioner
