2013 – Week 6

Week 6 is in the books. Our second non-match play event, the Stableford, was a bit more of a success with the modified point system. Next season, we can hold this event on the Pioneer which could lead to some explosive point numbers over 30. We had another great turnout on a beautiful day for golf (23 of 24 golfers). The lone no show……Syndrome. Thanks to the subs who participated, Silent H, Dominik, Seiter, Lickert, Beaker and Metz.

The 2013 GCCGL season is moving right along. Less than 10 points separate the top three teams. Not bad for this time of the season. There were a few headlines that deserve mention this week.

As the GCCGL turns
It started off innocently enough with an email from Snoodles to the commissioner’s office voicing concern about the Stableford scramble format and hole# 15 on the Willows back. The question was how will this hole be scored if a woman’s tee shot is used since the hole is a Par 4 from the men’s tees and a Par 3 from the woman’s tees. There were several suggestions and opinions on the matter but one of Snoodle’s suggestions to “force” the woman to hit from the men’s tees didn’t go over so well. I may have inadvertently added some fuel to the fire…..who am I kidding, it wasn’t inadvertent! I responded by suggesting this idea was terribly unfair and wondered why Snoodles was making a big deal about this. This was the beginning of Lipgloss’ meltdown. All of a sudden Lipgloss chimed in and electronically attacked (sounds better than verbally attacked) Snoodles in a barrage of angry emails that took all of us involved a little by surprise. There were insinuations of being afraid of “girls” and taking this “fun” league a little too seriously among some other entertaining tidbits and maybe a little name calling. Co-commissioner Cupcake and I probably could have squashed this  little quarrel in its infancy but what fun would that be? After this went on for a little while, a sensible compromise was made. In Snoodle’s defense, the final resolution was actually one of his earlier suggestions. Afterwards, Lipgloss felt bad and realized he may have overreacted a tad, he emailed an apology to Snoodles and I even heard there was some man-hugging involved in the commissioner’s headquarters. Stay tune for next week’s episode when Cletus’ handicap suddenly goes up by two strokes after entering in putt-putt scores from World of Sports and Knechtges throws a hairy Norwegian fit.

Cupcake or Poundcake?
Is co-commissioner Cupcake losing his charm? On hole# 12, the cart girl stopped and asked everyone if they needed anything to which Cupcake yelled out, YES! Her response was to just drive off! After performing an underarm sniff test and checking for any loose impediments around the nostrils and coming up empty, Cupcake couldn’t figure out why he had been snubbed! It was later learned that the cart girl had made a bee line to Beaker’s group. You can’t compete with a loveable Muppet look-a-like.

GBI
GCCGL Bureau of Investigation. Yes, apparently there is a new department within the GCCGL commissioner’s office. It is headed up by co-commissioner Lipgloss. There are no other staff members and no one reporting to him. It is a one-man outfit. Its one and only objective is to verify the handicaps of new subs who do not hand in at least 5 score cards. Rumors were rampant regarding the GBI’s first project, the verification of  Lickert’s handicap. Dozen’s of unapproved and unsubstantiated man hours were racked up trying to disprove (rather than verify) the HC of the new sub. After hacking the LPGA database and downloading scores from the past three years and crunching the numbers, it was confirmed! Her HC did, in fact, fall between a 5-6 for 9 holes. LG is getting a lot of ink this week, but it is well deserved.

Other News
The first group to tee off, #teamname, finished the round and took off. No scorecard, no pitchers of beer, not even so much as a friendly note was left behind. Is Big Donkey still in the league? It’s been 6 weeks and I still haven’t seen him. I want the old BD back, I miss the old BD. Word is that they waited for 10 minutes and didn’t even see anyone approaching the green! Well, if that’s true, shame on SNH who was the second team behind them. I was in the third group with FPS and there were a couple of holes where we hit into them but that wasn’t our fault. We forced Lickert to hit from the woman’s tees which effectively turn the course into an executive Par 3 course for her. She was hitting bombs all night long. This became so commonplace that we briefly debated even teeing off from the men’s tees on #18. What was the point? we said, she’s only going to out drive everyone by 40+ yards. In the end, we did decide to tee it up. I wound up losing a ball because of it. I yanked another beauty into the woods. Oh well, there goes another $1.50. I suck. I know I suck but I still have fun playing this game. The day I stop having fun is the day I stop playing this game and find something else to do. After the round, folks were already reserving Lickert for substitution weeks in advance. She had to take out her day planner to check her schedule. A mini fist fight almost broke out between some of the GCCGL veterans. Come on guys, show some restraint for Pete’s sake. A little piece of advice for Danielle, change your phone number, name and email address, move your desk and screen every call that makes it through because your swing is now in high demand. This same phenomenon happened when another sub, Jeff Rozell, shot par one night last year. He hasn’t subbed since. He entered himself into the GGPP (GCCGL Golfer Protection Program). A plea to all GCCGL members, stop scaring our subs away! There were rare sightings of Cunningham and Metz this week. For those of you who are new to the league, these truly are rare treats. You may be lucky to see these golfers once every 10 – 20 weeks if you are a GCCGL member. If you are a sub, it may be 2 – 4 years in between sightings. It’s so rare that I’m thinking about changing Cunningham’s nick name to Leap Year since it seems like he plays once every four years.

The winners of the Stableford Scramble were Moore’s Misfits with 25 points. There was a 3-way tie for second place between Free Port Sandwich, Tiagra Woods and Who’s Your Caddie with 21 points. In third place was #teamname with 19 points and finishing in last place was Slicers not Hookers with 15 points. The winner of the Closest-to-the-Pin competition for the (A/B) group was Danny Roller. No one from the (C/D) group hit the green. Then you wonder why we are called the (C/D) group and shunned by all the low handicappers. We are back to match play this week and finish up play on the Willows back nine. Hope to see you on the course and as always. hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner