2015 – Week 6
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Six weeks into the 2015 GCCGL season and we have one hell of a season shaping up already. The standings are in flux, we have heated exchanges on the 9th green, records being set and an unprecedented team name change in mid-season and much more. All of which will be covered in this week’s blog. But first, we pay homage to the golf gods for giving us another beautiful day in Northern KY. A big thanks to Toerner and Dominik for subbing this week keeping our perfect attendance streak alive.
We have an exclusive breaking story that can only be accessed here at the GCCGL. It wasn’t easy obtaining this information. Negotiations lasted through Thursday evening and progressed into most of Friday morning but a deal was struck and history was made. Details of the settlement are confidential and have been sealed. Reminiscent to the Crunch Time email sent by Cuz’n Joe a few years ago, another secret inspirational email was sent this week by co-commissioner Lip Gloss. It all makes sense now. LG was extra ramped up this week leading up to the Stableford event. He had an extra bounce in his step and the polish on his dome was glistening like never before. He convinced his team to wear all black and was pumping up his team on the first tee by blasting AC/DC’s “Back in Black” while his team teed off. As I approached this despicable display, I explained to LG that he was on the wrong tee and that if he hurried, he could tee off with the Durobag league. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as LG got all “gangsta” on me and began showering me with all kinds of expletives. Below is the unedited, inspirational email (in its entirety), which LG sent to his team shortly before tee time. It will be forever known as “Let’s be Legends”. Enjoy.
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Alright gentlemen – here is the deal. I’m not going to lie to you all and say we can come out of this crapper of a 2015 season…it’s going to be pretty improbable. But it’s not impossible. Tomorrow marks week 6 of a 20 week season. That gives us 15 weeks (including tomorrow)…which is a very, very long time. We are 46.5 points out of first place, but our 2015 season starts tomorrow.
This is the bottom line – we need to crush the competition tomorrow. If we don’t get a lot of points in the Stableford – we might as well go to BWW’s the rest of the year. The way I figure it – we absolutely have to eagle two holes tomorrow (with no bogeys and several other birdies). If we don’t eagle – we have to birdie everything. The number I have in my head is 40 points. That sounds impossible, but we can make it happen.
Ollie – I’m going to be real clear on the order so you aren’t confused. This is the order from tee to green: Ollie first, Seiter second, Cook third, Kreyling fourth. When it gets to the green, I’ll leave it up to the team. Ollie is generally a pretty good putter, so it may make sense letting him putt a little later in the order. I have no problem putting last – in fact I embrace the pressure spot. However, if someone else is feeling hot with the putter tomorrow night – I will relinquish the spot.
Again – If we can grab 40 points tomorrow (which is a huge number) we will be right back in this thing. After that – we simply cannot lose as a team for the rest of the year.
Tomorrow starts our LEGENDARY comeback. And as Babe Ruth says in the Sandlot, “Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die.”
FYI – I’m wearing all black tomorrow. Intimidate and destroy opponents from here on out. If it works for Phil Mickelson, it can work for us. I encourage you all to wear black tomorrow.
Let’s be legends.
Kurt “Lip-Gloss” Kreyling
GCCGL Co-Commissioner
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I don’t know about you, but I have some serious crocodile tears pooling up right now. But did it work? Well, his team, Back in Black, picked up 11 points on the former first place team, Daddy Day Care and another 9 points on the Massholes who has had a stronghold on 5th place all season. So I’d say, YES, it did work! We have a lot to get to this week so I won’t belabor the “Let’s be Legend” email any longer but I do have a correction and a comment or two. First of all, there’s only 19 actual weeks of competition this season. The 20th week is reserved for a rainout for the last scramble. You’d think a GCCGL co-commissioner would know that, but hey, he was busy leading his team to a 3rd place finish in the Stableford so…… Second, I’m guessing science wasn’t LG’s subject in school. He subjected his team to wearing black on the hottest day of the year when pretty much every 5th grader and beyond knows that the color black attracts and absorbs heat making any object wearing it hotter. I’m pretty sure you could have gotten the same affect wearing white but then again what song would they have tee’d off to…..Billy Idol’s White Wedding? I’ll give LG a pass there. The last comment I have is that I’m pretty sure LG didn’t have the full backing of his teammates. For instance, Seiter “ironically nicknamed The Legend”, looked miserable. I could be wrong about this but I don’t think I am. His mannerisms were indicative of awkwardness, humiliation and shame. Hell, I think we were all a little embarrassed for LG and his team. Was it worth it? Only time will tell.
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We had another UFC moment this week on the 9th green. It didn’t rival the clash infamously referred to as Steroids vs Hemorrhoids, but it had potential. The Bout with Gout, The Defeat-us of Cletus, Spilled Beer on the Pioneer, Hip Hop versus Granpop (seriously, these are freakin’ hard to think of). LG wanted a gallery shot so he stepped in front of Brooks as he was getting ready to chip onto the green in order to buy enough time for the gallery to form. All of a sudden old man Cletus charged Lip Gloss like a wounded bull at a Mexican matador. He spills LG’s beer all over the green. Meanwhile, Cuz’n Joe sees his teammate in trouble and goes after Cletus and pours his beer over Cletus! Cletus, now stunned, lowers his head, charged Cuz’n Joe and nearly breaks a hip as he stumbles over his feet onto the green. He springs backup up and then unsuccessfully attempts to empty a Miller Lite can on Joe. I don’t know about you but I was APPALLED at this behavior. There were at least 2 ½ beers wasted as a result of this fracas! Haven’t we learned by now…….put down the beer first, then kill each other.
If all this wasn’t enough, we even had some controversy this week. Let me ask you something, “How does one who has been playing in this league for 1 ½ years forget to bring his clubs to the golf course”? Well, apparently Bleaker did. I gave the OK for Bleaker to borrow his teammates clubs during the Stableford (not knowing at the time who forgot their clubs). Of course, my fellow co-commissioners disagreed with me after the round. What else is new? I figured that it’s not really an advantage for someone to hit golf shots with unfamiliar clubs so what the heck, right? Either way, it was hilarious to see Bleaker putting with a driver on the 9th green. It didn’t matter anyway, Daddy Day Care finished dead last in the event as the inexperience is starting to rear its ugly head. DDC has lost it claim to first place after another disappointing week.
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The big winners this week were Roller and Duer Again and The Offensive Line (38 points), thanks to a chip in Eagle by Gobstopper. Roller and Duer Again have roared all the way back and have taken over first place! Back in Black (formerly known as Three Men and an Ollie), finished with a respectable 34 points. Bringing up the bottom three were the Massholes and The Big Bang Theory with 25 points and of course Daddy Day Care (23 points). The 38 points tied the record for most points in the Stableford set last year and the 3 Eagles also tied a record set back in 2013. Less than 8 points separate the top three teams.
The closest-to-the-pin winners were Goldie (A/B) and Cupcake (C/D). Congratulations to the winners. We’re back to match play and move to the Pioneer back nine for the next two weeks. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
