What Grinds my Gears?
Preface (08/08/14)
Not sure what was going on in my head when I wrote this blog post. Lack of sleep, bad golf week or just woke up cranky. Whatever the reason, below is the direct result.
Those of you who know me, know that it’s a rare day that goes by that a Seinfeld or Family Guy reference doesn’t make it into my day in some shape or fashion. I can’t help that I love cheap, bathroom humor. After all, my favorite movie of all time is Dumb and Dumber, so that tells you something. I’ve watched it so many times I can replay that entire movie in my head, scene for scene. I can’t help it, the cheaper the laughs, the funnier it is to me. The really sad thing about this is that I have seemingly and unintentionally passed this sense of humor to my daughters. If I had to guess the source of why I love this sort of stuff, it would be my uncle. As a six year-old, I was absolutely mesmerized that I could control the volume, veracity and putridness of the sounds emanating from my uncle just by pulling his fingers. This was more power than any six year-old should have but it provided minutes of hilarious entertainment which was obviously impressionable. It laid the foundation for my love of childlike hijinks. Hence the next segment which is a reference to the Family Guy’s episode where Peter Griffin gets his own segment on the news ranting about various insignificant topics.
You know what really “grinds my gears”?
Last second substitutions, with inflated handicaps, who take all our low net money.
The clubhouse sending over a group of hackers minutes before out league tee time with limited daylight in August on a semi-overcast night.
All the Twenty-somethings in this league not getting this Family Guy reference or any of my 80’s era references and having to explain all of my jokes.
You know what really “grinds my gears”?
People who blatantly abuse of the preferred lies rule and fluff up their ball so high they’ve practically built a tee made out of dirt, twigs and grass clippings!
People who pick up a six foot putt without it being conceded (seriously, who’s conceding six foot putts) just because they lost the hole and then realizing at the end of the night that you’ve just lost the low net point and the match because of that six foot “tap in” on the second hole that your opponent inexplicitly decided to give themselves!
People that don’t drink when they play golf, then start guzzling pitchers of beer like they’ve been stranded in the Sahara for several weeks and never even think about replacing the pitchers they devoured and then suddenly leaving when the beer is all gone!
You know what really “grinds my gears”?
People making 30 foot benders for birdie when you’ve already mentally won the hole, and then they give you that pretentious “sorry about that” look and try to hide that “in your face” smirk. And when they can’t hold the joy and excitement in any longer, they break out in an over-exaggerated celebration complete with fist pumps, high fives and a full-on galloping air jockey whipping his horse down the stretch yelling, YES! YES! YEEESS!
But what REALLY “Grinds My Gears” are
People spending an eternity looking for a golf ball that is hopelessly lost. It’s obvious to everyone except themselves that it has gone out of bounds and into the crap but they still insist on sending out a search party to look for a 75 cent golf ball. But that’s not enough, they enlist the foursome ahead of them and pressure them to look for the ball. Now you got eight poor souls searching for a ghost of a ball that doesn’t exist because it’s knee deep in the weeds or in a catfish’s belly at the bottom of a pond. In the meantime, the sky is getting darker and the poor saps behind you are standing around doing jumping jacks trying to not to get eaten alive by the damn mosquitos and gnats!
Of course none of this applies to the GCCGL…..
The big winners this week were Carrier to the Hole and Duer who defeated Schmuck Dynasty (24 – 16). They were led by Potter who “magically” took 7.5 points. Balls and Dolls continue their winning ways defeating the first place team, Moring Wood (22 – 18). They were led by “Scratch” Turnwald who managed 7.5 points. Finally, Das Boots are Made for Golfing extending their winning streak by barely getting by the “sinking” Putt Pirates (20.5 – 19.5). They were led by Snoodles who stole 6.5 points. With one more match play before the final scramble, Morning Wood has a seemingly insurmountable lead (12.5 points) over Schmuck Dynasty. Less than 5 points separate the 2nd through 5th place teams! A lot could happen in two weeks. The fat lady may be limbering her vocal cords a little but it’s still anyone’s championship.
The winners of the low net money were Prince Albert (29) with a low net of 29 and Joe “no nickname” Carrier (C/D) with a low net 32. Congratulations to the winners! We continue to play on the back nine of the Pioneer. Let’s get to the tee early and try and tee off early if we can. We are losing daylight quickly. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL founder and co-commissioner
