Say it Ain’t So Joe!
Preface
This particular day witnessed one of the most horrible and funniest starts to a golf round we’ve ever had. Joe had a great sense of humor about it though. Read on.
May 17, 2012
[dc]W[/dc]hat a night! First things first, we had perfect weather on week 4, it couldn’t have been any better. We had another good turnout. We had 23 of 26 players this week thanks to another five substitutes. Thanks to Brad Cunningham, Rich Olson, Zach McNeil, Mike Hlebovy and Mike Bush. Where would this league be without our subs?
Once again we finished in the dark. Actually, that doesn’t even describe it. It was almost pitch black. The last two groups combined together on number 8 to form a “sixome”. You could barely see the white of the ball in the grass as you took your swing. Ironically, it was arguably the best contact I made with the ball all night! I almost drove my golf cart up on the green because I didn’t even see it until it was right on top of me! We couldn’t even add up our scores because it was too dark to see them. What a mess. I apologize to all who had to deal with it….again. I have complained to the clubhouse….again, but this time there was a little more teeth on this dog. If they didn’t know we weren’t happy about those Q-Tips in front of us holding their Knights of Columbus meetings on the golf course each week before they tee off causing us to tee off late AND how the clubhouse is managing this situation, they surely know now. Still waiting to hear back from them.
T.W.I.G
Speaking of slow play, we weren’t exactly playing “speed golf” out there from the looks of the scores. Wow. Look, I’m not saying I played much better but you all made me look like Chichi Rodriguez out there. The really sad thing about that comment is that most of the young pups don’t even know who Chichi is. Stop bothering everyone with your innate observations on Twitter, posting pictures on Facebook of food that look like presidents and texting your friends that are sitting 2 feet from you! Get out and get some fresh air for God’s sake.
We definitely broke some records this week and I totally agree with Co-Commissioner Cupcake that we should just move on and never speak of this again! But I can’t. There were some traces of treason, destruction of public property, holy golf balls, wildlife in the sand traps and some forgettable rounds of golf.
It started on the very first hole (#10). The 2nd group to tee off (Cupcake, Carrier, Ollie and Dominik). Carrier’s drive goes “where no ball has gone before”. This drive went left, way left. In Joe’s own words, it was beyond hook, this was a boomerang. That may be true Joe but in this case there was only the “boom” and no “rang”. This thing went clear over the road. All I can think of is some schmuck innocently turning into the course and driving up to the parking lot and watching a TopFlight XL nearly take out his side view mirror. Here’s how the rest of that hole went as well as the round. It was probably a typical round in comparison considering the score cards turned in. I don’t know about you but I had fun despite getting thrashed by David Fausz, who was a very gracious winner by the way. The final score (6-4) was not as close as it appeared.
Rest of Hole #10 for Joe
2 – Drop
3 – 75yds towards the fairway (still 50 to go to get it there); Duck-Hook
4 – Across 10 fairway to the pine tree where mere mortals put it on their first shot; Slice
5 –75yds towards the fairway (still 50 to go to get it there); Duck-Hook
6 – 3yds off of the green; below the hole
7 – chip up
8&9 – Putts
Meanwhile Cupcake puts on a chipping display and 3 chips and 3 putts and ends up with a 9. Joe wins the hole.
Hole #11
Joe redeems himself and scores a par. Cupcake 3-putts again.
Hole #12
Joe triples his score on the last hole and scores a familiar 9. Cupcake 3-putts AGAIN, he had 25 putts this round. Dominik goes to tee off and hits the ball 2 feet. Cupcake tells her to try again much to the chagrin of her opponent Ollie. Wait a minute, aren’t Ollie and Cupcake on the same team? It didn’t matter she lost the hole.
Hole #13
Joe improves to an 8. Cupcake gets on in 3 and 3-putts. Ollie loses a ball and spends 10 minutes looking for it and they STILL wait on the next hole to tee off! Damn!
Hole #14
Joe goes back to a 9 after a duffed drive, 4 missed shots and finally a lost ball. Cupcake hits decent drive up on the left side of the hill and for his 2nd shot decides to pull a “Joe” and instead of advancing the ball hit it directly across the fairway almost into the crap on the other side. He manages to get on from there and somehow manages to 2 putt. Finally the curse is gone.
Hole #15
Cupcake crushes a drive, his best stroke of the night, but it goes in the drink. He tells Dominik to go ahead and hit and he goes back to drop. Somehow Dominik and Cupcake hit the ball at almost the same time but Cupcake hits his first. Dominik’s ball hits a tree and goes into the water. Cupcake blames himself for distracting her so he tells her to hit again. She hits a perfect shot and ends up getting par. I think it was at this point that Ollie started to have chest pains. His own teammate is costing him the match!
Hole #16
Cupcake hits it 50 yards off the tee down into the tall grass on the left. Somehow manages to find it (bad move). 2nd shot 5 feet, 3rd shot 10 feet, 4th shot 20 feet, 5th shot finally gets him out of the tall stuff! But in doing so he swung as hard as possible and he hurts his wrist. He finished out the hole with a 10 (yes, another 3 putt). Joe improves dramatically with a 6! Ollie and Dominik both had 3 footers left prompting Joe to say “good – good?” Nope. Ollie steps up, mind you his is a side hill lie and Dominik’s is straight up hill, he misses, swings to hit his ball off the green, misses, swings again and takes a chunk out of the green.
Hole #17
Uneventful. Joe and Cupcake are both on in 1. Cupcake 3 putts.
Hole #18
Cupcake hits a drive over on the left side, no big deal, routine shot through the trees. Nope. 2nd shot hits a tree dead on and goes across the cart path and OB (2 stroke penalty). Now he’s hitting 4 from about 350 out. Ends up with 9. But at least it was a 2 putt!
Whew! I’m exhausted just reading that. Other things included deer tracks in the sand trap on #8 prompting Fausz to ask if it was proper etiquette to rake the deer hoofs. I believe it is…..On the same hole, Kreyling hit his drive in the water but it bounces out and lands safely in the rough.
The big winners this week were NQ8! who rebounded after a beating last week. They defeated The Big Tebowski’s (23 – 17). They were led by Couzin’ Joe who managed 7.5 points. Balls of Fury kept pace by taking it to Menance to Sobriety (22.5 – 17.5). They were led by Big Ed and The Politician who both grabbed 6.5 points. Finally, UMass Debate Team beat the first place team, AMDB, by a score of (22 – 18). They were led by super sub, Zach, The Kid, McNeil who grabbed 6.5 points.
The winners of the low net were Ed Petryk (A/B) with a low net of 32! The only person to finish under par. There was a four-way tie for the low net winners of the (C/D) group, Fausz, Almeida, Dominik and Cember, with a pathetic low net score of 40! Congratulations to the winners!
Finally, if you are up for some golf on June 10th, please consider participating in the 2nd Annual Conner Basketball Golf Outing (see Danny Roller for details). We stay on the back nine of the Willows one more week. Hope to see all you on the tee and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
