Name that Horse
Preface (07/30/16
Pink Ball has become a member favorite. It has also become the C/D players’ worst nightmare! Read about about one player’s Pink Ball experience and as a special bonus, learn about what names would each GCCGL member take on if they were a race horse. Just having some fun!
The 2016 GCCGL season is three quarters of the way over. Only 5 weeks left. Where did the season go? It was a HOT day but at least the rain stayed away. We had a perfect turnout thanks to our wonderful subs. A big thanks to Miller, Junker, Verst and Glaser. It is so important to secure “authorized” subs during scrambles so seriously, THANK YOU!
It was a big week. It was the 2nd annual Pink Ball event. This event is quickly becoming one of the league’s favorites. Our statistics department pulled together some interesting stats regarding the Pink Ball event comparing last season’s inaugural event to this year. The improvement between last season and this season is truly remarkable. Here are some of the highlights:
- Only one bogey on the 1st hole
- Every single pink ball had par on both par 3s
- The highest overall pink ball score was a 7
- Not a single pink ball had worse than double bogey. Out of 12 people playing each and every hole as an individual, there wasn’t one blow up!
- The highest pink ball score on the hardest hole of the course was a 5 (not to mention 2 birdies), which all averaged out to a par
So how can all this great play by everyone, including the lowly D Players, be explained? It can’t be the “pressure” of playing the pink ball can it? Does the pressure increase concentration to the degree where all of a sudden it turns D Players into C or even B Players? I mean, this is just a fun loving, beer drinking golf league. It’s not like we’re playing in the Master’s for Pete’s sake. There’s no real pressure, is there? You want to talk about “pressure”? I had all kinds of pressure during my very first job as a teenager. I landed a job circumcising baby elephants in a small neighborhood zoo. The pay was terrible but the tips were HUGE!∗1 I’ll give Cletus a few seconds to think about it…….there it is! Badabump ching!
Speaking of Cletus, he was back this week and his team won the scramble. As everyone knows, Cletus has been pretty much invisible during the 2016 GCCGL season. No real explanation has ever been given. It’s been a far cry from the 2013 season infamously dubbed as “The Year of the Cletus”. There used to be so much Cletus blog material that it was so easy to write the blog. But now that Cletus apparently has “better” things to do, I have to work really hard to entertain all of YOU with my own material. Syndrome is off gallivanting in Ireland every other week so he’s been useless to me. Bleaker has vanished off the face of the planet. Ollie has stopped coloring his hair. Knee Pee, a.k.a., “Intern”, a.k.a, “Co-op” has abandoned the “knee-bow”, also known as the “pee-bow” ever since the last unfortunate accident. And seriously, how many times can I poke fun at Squints? I’m left with basically nothin’. Sure, Cletus tried to stir up some controversy this week by complaining about Prince Albert using someone else’s putter all night. Um, I’m not sure how that is controversial. If anything, he was at a disadvantage. Come on Cletus, that’s weak! You’re better than that man! Give me something I can use! For example, like how you’ve been securing substitutes by paying them to play for you. Yep, that’s right. We know about this old man. Actually, we’ve known for quite some time but the GCCGL investigation department had to verify its sources and vet all leads. Now, I admit, there’s no real controversy here since there is no rule against paying for a sub’s greens and cart fees in order to potentially steal them away from subbing for other members. If anything, it’s hilarious. I know it’s not much of a controversy but it’s something.
This blog post is in DEEP trouble right now and it’s about to get worse. As you all know, Cupcake and Lip Gloss do a great job with the weekly surveys. This past week, the survey poked some fun at the Portuguese Warrior. There were some funny comments in there that made me laugh but now it’s my turn. After reading last week’s Kreyling Korner, I started thinking about contributing a survey or two myself. I thought of one. If you had to name your fellow GCCGL members after race horses, what names would you give them? Here’s my list.
Syndrome = IGotABadLiver
Potter = Hairy Potter
Hollywood = Who’s Your Daddy
Knee Pee = Spongebob Pee Pants
Legend = Geespot
Prince Albert = Captain’s Log (think back to the PGA event)
Cupcake = Passing Wind (dibs on this for next year’s team name)
Senator = Sensible Shoes
PW = Turn & Cough
Ollie = My Little Pony (“pony”…get it? Come on! That’s clever!)
Lip Gloss = Tiny Pink Panties
Cletus = What’s That Smell
Squints = Reacharound
Snoodles = Riding Miss Daisy
Meat = Whatamichoppedliver (cause he never gets any ink)
Cousin Joe = Be Like Mike
Goldie = Seattle Jew
Boot Boy = Deez Nutz
Big Donkey = Tanktops and Flipflops
Gobstopper = Herippedhispants
Scratch = Silent But Deadly
Marge = Beer Goggles
Big Ed = Rubadubchub
Pappy= Dutch Oven
I told you this blog post would get worse! This is what happens when I’m forced to create my own material. Hey, if nothing else, I think we have a good list for potential GCCGL team names for the next couple of years.
In other news, the Portuguese Warrior returned this week after a 6 week hiatus (7 if you count vacation). It felt good to be out there. I wasn’t much help to my team though. If anything, I was a major hindrance. Every time it was my turn to play the “Pink Ball”, I could hear the collective groan from my teammates. Such is the life of a D Player during the Pink Ball event. From the corner of my eye, all I could see was Big Ed cringing at every one of my practice swings. I can tell you this, it doesn’t instill confidence in you when your teammates are huddling up and putting together a game plan every time before you tee off. On hole # 7, my second Pink Ball, I managed to peek my head into one of their “secret” huddles and briefly saw Goldie working on a crude schematic depicting two smaller stick men (one wearing a yamaka while the other looked to have a wet spot near the crotch area) holding down another shorter, slight fatter stick man while a freakishly taller stick man bludgeons the shorter slightly overweight stick man over the head with a 7 iron. I gotta say, that would’ve been a good plan but unfortunately for my teammates, I quickly teed my ball and promptly duck hooked my drive behind the trees in the crap. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the look on their faces said it all. You know the look, it’s the same look that Paul Ryan and the rest of the GOP establishment had at the RNC convention as Trump accepted his nomination. The same could be said for all the Bernie Sanders supporters when Clinton accepted her nomination at the DNC. But it wasn’t all bad, at least they used both my drives on the Par 3’s and we parred both of those so….. Ah, I missed this league.
It hasn’t been easy recovering from my third hernia. You may have noticed that the Portuguese Warrior has gained a little weight during his stint on the disabled list. No, no, it’s true. I’ve probably gained a good 7-8 pounds while recuperating, hence all the self-deprecating fat jokes. It’s not my fault though. I was under strict orders to not do anything for 6 weeks. No jogging, no yard work and of course no golfing. He specifically told me, under no circumstances, to lift anything over 15 pounds. I said to him, “Whoa doc, how the hell am I supposed to pee?”∗2 ……….I said, “Whoa, doc, how the hell am I supposed to p……“, ah forget it Cletus!
A huge thanks to Cupcake and Lip Gloss for keeping things going. Not that I really do anything during the season anyway. It’s pretty much a three team race right now. Less than 13 points separate the top three teams so it should be an exciting finish even though half the league is pretty much out of the race. We still have Battle Golf coming up. Battle Golf has the potential for creating some serious movement in the standings. And of course the Best Ball scramble as a 25 point spread between first and last. I guess what I’m saying is, it’s still too soon to be counting anyone out. Except of course, Gamblers Fallacy and Grandpa’s Cough Medicine. They both stink.
The winners of the Pink Ball Scramble were Three Men and a Sub with an incredible score of 69! There was a three way tie for 2nd between GCM, Protein for Peffercorn and The Prince Albert Syndrome. They all finished with a score of 74. Laying 8 finish in 5th place with a 77. And bringing up the rear…..again…..were Gamblers Fallacy who at broke 80 and finished with a 79. The winners of the Longest Drive competition were Big Donkey (A/B) and Squints (C/D). Congratulations to the winners! Remember to keep checking the Photo Album as we continue to receive memories on a weekly basis. Also, please note that we’ve updated the substitutes list with updated email addresses for a couple of our subs who are leaving GCC. We stay on the Willows front for week 16. It’s match play until the final week of the season. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
