Mensa Roundtable
Preface (05/7/16)
Classic Cletus tries to motivate his team with “secret” team meetings however as everyone knows, nothing gets by the commissioner’s office . Get an exclusive peek into what goes on behind closed doors during a typical GCCGL season.
Once again after a cold, damp morning and a sketchy forecast, other than it being a bit nippy, it turned out to be a nice evening. We had another full slate of golfers this week thanks to our wonderful substitutes. A big thanks to Dominik, VanPelt, Junker and Remington! Yes Bleaker is back! More on that later. Three weeks into the 2016 GCCGL season and so far we have perfect attendance. How long can this streak last?
Let’s start with the latest survey results. Last week, the “luckiest” golfer turned out to be Goldie so of course it was only natural to pulse the league to see who they felt was the “unluckiest” golfer in the league. Two golfers rose to the top but ultimately it was co-commissioner Lip Gloss who wound up with 57.14% of the vote for unluckiest golfer. I have to agree in this case. LG has struggled in the GCCGL since he’s joined. His all-time winning percentage stands at a dismal .402 which is lower than former GCCGL member and semi-professional standup comedian, Mary Dorsey, who has a .405 winning pct. Ouch. On top of that, KK has yet to taste the sweet tang of a GCCGL championship. But it’s not all his fault. For some reason over the years, his match play opponents just flat out play out of their minds. The stats back this up. Maybe things are looking up for LG as he won this week (with a gross score of 37) against the golfer who finished 2nd in the survey, Prince Albert, who shot a 39 and still lost. However, his luck hasn’t completed a full 360 yet as LG lost the low net (31) to Snoodles who shot a low net of 30.
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The BIG news of the week, by far, was the sudden reinstatement of Bleaker after his year-long suspension was reduced to 2 weeks proving once again the GCCGL commissioner’ lack of commitment to ……… anything! In all fairness, Bleaker’s touching poem struck a nerve with the commissioner’s office. Part of the decision was based on some last minute evidence send to the commissioner’s office which validated the reason for Bleaker’s last minute notice and exit of the GCCGL. Apparently Bleaker had a prior commitment to his hockey league, which apparently is a little more forgiving of absenteeism than the strict 69.99% attendance rate of the GCCGL. After Bleaker sent in the proof (feature pic above), the ban was lifted.
By now, I think everyone who’s been involved in this crazy league knows that nothing goes on around here without the league office getting wind of it. In what has become a weekly ritual, we have ANOTHER GCCGL exclusive. It has come to our attention that there have been secret, closed door meetings held by a certain team. These meetings are very hush-hush and have been reported to contain “gifts” in brown paper bags being distributed to team members, strategy discussion about match play opponents and detailed course analysis complete with maps and layouts of every course hazard, man-made obstructions and rest room locations. You might be asking yourself, “Who would go through all this just for a fun, beer drinking golf league?” Cletus, that’s who. I can only imagine the covert conversation in these meetings.
Cletus: “OK team, we all know why we’re here”
Scratch: “Is this going to take long? Judge Wapner is on in 5 minutes”
Gobstopper: “Where’s my panini? I was promised, a Pesto Turkey and Prosciutto panini”
Cletus: “Everyone shut up and focus! And someone please wake up Adam!”
Gobstopper: “Say you, me, and Adam are, uh, flying over the Andes.”
Cletus: “What, why are we flyin’ over the Andes?”
Gobstopper: “IDK, we got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive?”
Cletus: I’d eat Adam.”
Gobstopper: “So fast? What about me?”
Cletus: “No, I don’t think so.”
Gobstopper: “Adam is so stringy. I’m plump, juicy.”
Scratch: “Uh-oh…..1 minute to Wapner! Gotta go!”
Cletus: “Adam’s got more muscle, higher protein content. It’s better for you.”
Gobstopper: “Well I would eat you.”
Cletus: “That’s very nice, I guess.”
Gobstopper: “I still don’t see why you wouldn’t eat me. I’m your D Player.”
Cletus: “Look, if other people are having some, I’ll try you.”
Gobstopper: “Thank you, was that so hard?!”
Cletus: “Um…why did we call this meeting again?”
I’m sure it was a regular Mensa round table discussion . There are at least three references above that our members under 35 probably won’t get. Oh well. Moving on. Thank God for the friendly confines of the Pioneer. Last week we had close to 80% of the field score over par but this week approximately 70% scored par or better. On the 19th hole, there were so many “gallery” shots that if we were using film to take pictures, we would have run out. For all you 20-somethings, “film” is what we geezers had to use to take pictures back in the day. Anyway, it seems that all the newbies to the league, LOVE the gallery shots and YES, they are still funny but you gotta admit, it’s a little played, no? We even had a split-gallery this week. I think that was a first. We also had another “putting” gallery with the Portuguese Warrior as the victim. Cupcake also entertained the gallery with his superb chipping skills. I had to dub out some “colorful” language. Too funny!
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The big winners this week were The Prince Albert Syndrome who embarrassed Gamblers Fallacy (23.5 – 16.5). They were led by Snoodles who captured 7.5 points. Protein for Pefforcorn crushed Grandpa’s Cough Medicine (22 – 18). They were led by Potter who conjured up 7.5 points. Finally, Three Men and a Sub and Laying 8 fought to a tie (20 – 20). The low net winners were Snoodles (A/B) with a low net of 30 and PW and Gobstopper (C/D) also with a low net of 30. Congratulations to the winners!
We continue match play on the Pioneer front this week. Please check out the latest installment of The Prince Albert Chronicles. Also, we hope you noticed the new statistics that co-commissioner Cupcake has started to include in the weekly summary spreadsheet which now includes the team/league average net and the gross score breakdown for the week. Nice work Cupcake! Finally, there was a suggestion about holding a potential weekly skins game as part of the league but when the commissioner’s office pushed back looking for someone to step up and run the skins game (handle the financials, keep statistics and just organize it), the sound of crickets became deafening. I guess that idea died on the vine. Please remember to get a sub if you can’t make it. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
