Kreyling Korner – Week 5 – 05-17-18
I suck! 0-2 in week 4 taking my overall 2018 record to 1-5. You know what, upon further review…you guys suck. Seriously Crowe – win a freaking match. I had to watch George strut around in his cargo pants all week with his chest puffed out because he upset the MOW pick. Let’s see if I can do better in week 5, but probably not.
THE LIP-SMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK
A/B Group – Joel “??????” Miller vs. Mike “Squints” Tucker – I’m breaking my rule of putting a teammate in the MOW. Sometimes rules need to be broken and this matchup is going to be a doozy! Both of these guys had career years in 2017. Tucker won the total points title with 100; Joel won the winning percentage title (86%) amassing 12 victories. What’s interesting about 2017 is that both of these gentlemen were in the C/D group of the eventual champions, the Young Guns. The major question for 2018 season is if these two past champions can have the same success against in the A/B group. So far – Joel has an impressive start with a 2-1 record; Tucker is off to a mediocre start at 1-1-1. So who to pick? I don’t care if there is a MOW jinx or not, I don’t bet against my team. GLOSSY PREDICTION – Miller wins 6-4.
C/D Group – Mike “Swiper” Ethridge vs. Oliver “Ollie” Livermore – I want to start off this MOW with a simple question to the league. Are we 100% set on Swiper for Mike’s nickname? Every time I see Ethridge in print I think of Melissa Etheridge. And then I start singing, “Come to my Window,” one of the worst songs of all time. Actually, you know what, keep it at Swiper…I really hate that song. Another terrible song – No Rain by Blind Mello. That song might as well be accompanied by nails on a chalk board! Anyway, I have yet to speak a word to Mike, but by all accounts he is a nice dude and a good addition to the league. I’ll have to introduce myself tonight, I mean it is week 5. Back to golf – the best part of this match is Ollie giving up 15 strokes. For those keeping score at home that’s 2 strokes a hole on 6 holes and 1 on the remaining 3. I’m giggling as I type that. Ollie had to start wigging out as soon as Jason sent the week 5 line up – no way he overcomes this and wins. GLOSSY PREDICTION – Ethridge wins 7-3.
THE KREYLING KORNER
Week 5 seems as good as any to do a trend watch.
TRENDING UP
Joe “Cousin Joe” Cook
CJ is off to a hot start in 2018. He’s raced out to a 3-0 record and is averaging just over 6 points a match. It could be easily argued that Joe is the only reason the Hackstreet boys are hanging in so far in the 2018 season. Nice playing so far in 2018 Joe – you are definitely trending up.
TRENDING DOWN
Slow Play
Sweet mother of all that is good and pure, the play has been sllllllooooooowwwww this year. I was in the second group last week. After finishing the round, our group and the first group waited a good 30 to 45 minutes for the third group to come in. And there were significant gaps between the groups after that! Look I get it, this league isn’t necessarily made of professionals. Most of us realize golf is really hard and we’re here simply for a few beers and laughs. But come on dudes! There are several simple ways to speed up your game. Here are a few:
1.) Play ready golf. I don’t care who birdied, or parred, or bogeyed the previous hole. When you get to the tee, if you are ready to hit…hit. We aren’t pros and it does not matter who has “honors.”
2.) If you hit a wayward shot, go look for your ball first. Don’t help someone else because you think their shot was worse. Try and find your ball first. After you have located your ball, then you can help a buddy out. If you still can’t find your ball, chances are another member in you group would have located theirs and will come help you. One last thing – if you hit your ball in the fairway, help the other guys in your group out. Especially if you are riding in a cart…lazy asses.
3.) Stop wasting time on the greens. I’m not saying rush but study the green and get your line while someone else is putting. Then when it is your turn, get up to the ball and go. Don’t wait to read your putt when it’s finally your turn!
George “Portuguese Warrior” Almeida
Well well well, the Portuguese Weasel strikes again. George is trending down for a couple reason this week. Number 1 – I’m tired of typing the word Portuguese. I can’t exactly remember when I started writing on this blog and I can’t tell you how many times if typed the stupid word Portuguese. Every flipping time I write it for the first time on the blog I spell it wrong. Seriously, stop me in the halls at GCC and ask me to spell it…I’ll screw it up. Chances are you won’t know if I’m right or wrong anyway.
Number 2 – George put on his tough guy panties in last weeks blog and came at me for my career GCCGL statistics. The specific recap was this: In Lip Gloss’ first 7 seasons, he’s managed an impressive zero GCCGL championships, three 3rd place finishes and a whopping .449 winning PCT. Yeah, that’s right I suck. I own it. And I’m not going to run from it. But let’s not go acting like you are the next Tiger Woods here George. This is George’s 23rd season. That’s right…TWENTY-THREE. In those TWENTY-THREE years, PW has a total of THREE championships. Read that again – THREE. Sure, he has 6 second place finishes, but who cares. Second place is just first loser anyway. Oh yeah – two of those 3 championships came in 1996 and 1997. Ask George about those years – he himself will tell you they could barely get enough guys to show up and play. One last thing – his last championship was in 2008. Man George – it makes total sense your back hurts from carrying all your teams…you boob.
The Kenton County Golf Course Parking Lot
How have we not discussed this yet? The parking lot at Kenton County is a freaking disaster. Someone jog my memory here – but was the parking lot a huge problem in years past? Sure, it probably needed to be repaved. Why in the hell did they decide to add those stupid rock filled islands all over? All it did was take out 25% of the parking spaces! Does anyone remember when they tried to change the grass on the fairways of the “prestigious” Fox Run course? Well, that move damn near ruined that course and it hasn’t gotten the same play since. By all accounts, the fairways still suck. But sure, go ahead and spend the money on the parking lot. Makes total sense!
Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.
