THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK

Been a minute…but I’m back.  Unfortunately, it’s on a week there is a scramble event.  No MOW for you.  To recap though…I’m 5-2 on the season.  Maybe I should just quit MOWing now and keep this winning record for the duration. 

KREYLING KORNER

You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me Cupcake

“I have no idea if Kurt “Lip Gloss” Kreyling will send out tee times Thursday since he’s neglected his KK duties 2 weeks in a row.”  Really Cupcake?  Feeling frisky huh?

By my calculations, you have had 6 substitutes….that’s right SIX….through 14 weeks of the season.  Despite that being an abysmal attendance record of 57%, that also means on 6 separate occasions I’ve had to collect the stupid score cards.  Then I have to make little notes on the damn things so you know who is who – here is a look behind the curtain…most of the league basically turns in chicken scratch- and then take pictures to send them to you.  It’s annoying as hell – and collecting score cards is YOUR JOB.  Yes, you do input the scores into your complex ass spreadsheet that J. Robert Oppenheimer himself would have trouble figuring out, so I thank you for that.  But really?  I’m neglecting my duties. 

And if you are going to call me out for missing two weeks (which I do apologize immensely to the league for) you better call out George’s lazy ass.  He’s out for a month.  One month with absolutely NO WORK being done for this league.

If any of you have questions/complaints about the GCCGL this week see Jason Nill.  I’m taking the night off (but still playing unlike the color-blind doofus).

#neglectthis

The Pink Ball Scramble that Never Was

Not only did Jason have the “pink balls” (see what I did there) to call me out in his weekly email, he also mentioned the non-existent stats of 2022.  For you newbies, gather round as Uncle Lip-Gloss tells you a tale of darker days in the GCCGL.  No quite literally, it was dark outside because it was pouring down rain on May 26, 2022.  Up until this fateful night there was an adage in the GCCGL that was not only lived, but believed in. 

“If the course is open, we play.”

Simple yes – but we took it to heart.  If the course was open, and Kenton County NEVER closes, we played on.  In my early years we took pride in hitting the course in conditions that made other golfers run for their cars.  That all changed on May 26, 2022. 

As I said, it was dark and stormy.  Well, it wasn’t storming because there was no thunder or lightening, but man it was raining.  Pouring.  Like really really wet.  It was hard to grip a club and when you bent over, the water streamed off your hat. 

My team, the 2022 GCCGL Champions – the Booze Rattlers (“2 Os and 2 Ts”) teed off last.  We could see the entire league in front of us and what was interesting was how divided the league was.  Half of the league embraced the age old mantra of the GCCGL – “if the course is open, we play.”  Half of the league bitched and moaned more than I’ve ever heard any of my kids complain.  For real, it was so bad that PW turned to me on the 3^rd hole and yelled “This is STUPID Kurt.  Seriously, this is REALLY STUPID.”  Legit – the Portuguese Warrior who claims the Portuguese people are a peaceful people, yelled at me from under an umbrella. 

How did I reply – calmly (like I always do).  “If you don’t want to play, then quit.”  Well, his team did.  And so did 2 other teams.   The best part of all of this – George yelled at me on 3 on the Front 9 of the Willows.  After they finished that hole, they walked back to the clubhouse.  And, before they could make it back to the clubhouse all the rain stopped.  The 3 groups that stayed out finished the round in almost perfect weather.  From that day forward, George Almeida was named weather Czar and makes all the calls about if we play or don’t on any given week.  Seriously, don’t ask Jason and I because we will not respond on if we are playing or not. 

That rainy night broke the league for a bit.   Everyone was mad at each other.  I quit blogging for the rest of that season (I know I know – who really gives a shit…but it was the best I could do) because I was tired of all the bitching.  Jason did the bare minimum and PW does what PW does…he barely blogged and took vacations for months on end.  The other thing that pissed me off about that night – The Booze Rattlers shot a 75 and returned 3 Pink Balls and it didn’t even count!

One thing is for sure…this event is an absolute blast!  If you pick one night to hang out after the round, I’d highly suggest tonight.  The post-round stories will be sure to delight!

#lovepinkballs

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.