THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK

PW takes the W in week 10, so that’s a W for Lip-Gloss, 4-2 on the season (not too shabby).  Could it be the MOW Jinx has lost it’s mojo?  Let’s test it again for the first EVER (and maybe last) Red, White and Blue event!

WEEK 11 MOW – Jeff “Cap” Capannari vs. Jim “Radar” Allen

I’m breaking my rules this week and putting a teammate in the MOW for one reason and one reason only.  Because I want to draw attention to the ridiculous conversation I had to have with the Co-Commissioners about this week’s Red, White and Blue event.  Way back in the winter meetings, George brought up the idea of this event and playing it close to the Fourth of July.  The concept was simple, all members play 3 holes from the red tees, 3 holes from the white tees and 3 holes from the blue tees.  Very patriotic, you know…because of the American Flag.  Well, you can’t imagine the hell that broke loose when the other two co-commissioners suggested the young guys play from the yellow, white and blue.  And the old guys play from the red, white and yellow.

Now I must admit, when the concept of yellow, white and blue and red, white and yellow was discussed, I had a bunch of MLs and was floating in the middle of Norris Lake.  So it didn’t occur to me how ridiculous the tee alignment actually was until my teammate, Russel Crowe said the following: ahhhhh – ok…well…then the event is more Canary Islands and NOT USA.  The Canary Islands Independence Day is on May 30^th.  We should move the event to a more appropriate day if that’s the case. 

Holy shit!  If that’s not perspective, then I don’t know what is.  Not only did Andy hit the nail right on the head, he did it in the most witty/funny Crowe way possible.  Quite frankly – I was pissed at myself that I didn’t push back on the suggestion to play something other than red, white and blue originally!  I immediately grabbed the bat phone and sent a text to the co-commissioners stating that this is America and we play the red, white and blue tees.  If we want the foggies to play red, white and yellow because they are communist, then so be it.  But the rest of the league – we are following Old Glory.  I will be sporting a new bad birdie shirt with American Flags and Hotdogs and a USA hat to match specifically for THIS EVENT.  How in the hell could I live with myself playing from the yellow, white and blue tees?  Quite frankly I expected my co-commissioners to come to their senses as well.

Contrary to what I thought – George and Jason are terrorists.  I expected text responses with pictures of Bald Eagles flying, or clips of the 1980 US Olympic Hockey team with Al Michales screaming “DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES,” or even memes of Hulk Hogan draped in the American Flag as the song “I am a Real American” plays on repeat in my head…instead, I received texts that said –  well I was just trying to make it fair to the guys who are playing from the yellow tees.  And… I don’t think it’s fair that the guys who get to play from the yellow tees for an entire round don’t get the advantage on 33% of tees because playing from the red is an unfair advantage.

I’ll tell you what – my step-son is 12.  He plays in tournaments pretty regularly at Kenton County and I’ve seen junior tees that are in front of the red.  Next year, how about we contact the clubhouse before the Red, White and Blue event and see if they will put out the Junior tees.  That way, the yellow group can play tees made for pre-teens.  Would that work out for you old bastards?  Long story short – I ended up convincing these yahoos to play from the red, white and blue tees…like REAL AMERICANS…for the 4^th of July.  But not before we had to give the old guys 2 strokes on their handicap and concede they play from the red, yellow, white .  I can’t even…

GLOSSY PREDICTION: Cap is 2-2-1 on the season and averaging 5.8 points a match; Radar is 1-6 averaging 3.7 points a match.  Jim owns Cap lifetime with a record of 0-3-1.  Cupcake and PW, not sure if you un-American boobs know this – but we just celebrated the 80^th anniversary of D-Day.  Much like the men who stormed the beaches of Normandy on June 6, 1944, I will not leave a man behind.  Cap wins 7-3. 

KREYLING KORNER

League Standings

We are officially halfway through the GCCGL season and in this unapologetically American Co-Commissoner’s opinion, it’s a 2-horse race.  Now before DrawShank Redemption, Trains, Cranes and Elevators, Party of Fore and Vanilla Gorillas get mad at me, I went back and checked the stats with the help of Cupcake.  As far back as our stats go, the biggest comeback for a championship after week 10 was a deficit of 21 points.  Currently both DSR and TCE are 28 points and 21.5 points out of first place, respectively.  Stats would indicate PF and VG still have a chance – only 18 points out of first place – but some PF players other than the one named Nixon need to start playing better; and VG has so many injuries I have no idea who is even on that team anymore.

Where things get interesting is with the top 2 teams.  Through the first 9 weeks of the season, The Clubhouse Cowboys have held first place for 6 weeks and Our D is Better Than Yours for only 1 week.  Yet, CC cannot seem to put any distance on ODBY as the lead keeps hovering around 5 points.  

One thing is for certain, with the Stableford and Pink Ball events on the horizon, the battle for a GCCGL trophy through the second half of the season is going to be electric.  Could the end of the 2024 season be the most exciting since the “Drive-Off”? 

#stillpissedabouttheteesituation

Old Yellers

Let’s be real dudes – things have gotten out of hand.  Way back in the winter meetings, when we discussed the red, white and blue event, we also agreed to allow GCCGL members over the age of 55 to play from the yellow tees.  When we initially made this decision, I thought this was absolutely wonderful.  Giving some of the older members the extra yardage to keep up with some of the younger muscle in this league seems like a no brainer.  What I was not expecting was the amount of whining from this group!  Here is the dirty little secret about the GCCGL and a fact that no one ever wants to talk about.  Historically, there have been some HUGE whiners in this league.  I must admit, I thought the exodus of certain member coupled with the infusion of new blood would have eliminated the nearly weekly complaints. 

Unfortunately, there is a new group that is constantly complaining….and it’s the guys playing from the yellow tees.  A group that I’m officially nicknaming the “Old Yellers.”  Come on with these guys!!!  You’d think they would be happy with the rule change to move up in tees….but NOOOOOOO! The handicaps didn’t adjust appropriately.  Everyone is looking for secret subs against me.  How do we play American events using tees other than red, white and blue so it’s fair to the old guys.  My back hurts.  I’m getting an implant for my sleep apnea.  I have dementia.  My pool is dirty.  I pooped my pants.

I CAN’T KEEP UP!

#thatdoghadtobeputdown

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.