Kreyling Korner – 04/27/2017

Sup y’all! We are playing golf again!  I hope you all have been practicing (insert Allen Iverson impression – We talking bout practice).  Me, I’ve barely touched a club since a golf trip in early March.  I also missed last week and screwed my team (well, not ME per se, but we won’t get into that) because I was on a beach in Mexico.  Drink recommendation for your fools – Iceberg…at least that’s what it was called in Mexico.  Beer with just a little bit of frozen margarita = delicioso.

THE LIPSMACKER MATCH OF THE WEEK

It’s time to start the MOWs of 2017. Since I came up short last year, I’m keeping the same goal as 2016 – a record of .500 or better.  

A/B Group – Mitch “Prince Albert” Smith vs. Brian “Scratch” Turnwald – The first week of match play comes with some great match-ups in the A/B group. Goldie/Roller, Duer/Eiser, Harris/Lipgloss all have significant history, but the Prince Albert and Scratch pairing has piqued the interest of the Glossy One.  We all remember last season, Mitch was madder than a one-legged waitress working at IHOP when he dropped to a second round pick.  His frustrations were mainly aimed at Cletus because the old man went with a rookie (Turnwald).  For those of you new to the league – you can read all about the drama in 2016 here: The Prince Albert Chronicles.

So who to pick? Mitch lost both matches in 2016, but neither of the losses took place on the friendly confines of the Pioneer front nine.  My heart tells me to pick Mitch because I guarantee he is out for blood, but my head says pick Scratch.  Simply because I know Brian has been playing – he has done a golf trip to California and has been playing on the weekends (and during the week) more than anyone in the league.  Must be nice to be young and without kids…  Anyway, I’m going with Scratch 6-4.

C/D Group – George “Portuguese Warrior” vs. John “Syndrome” Rayburn – We are in for another treat this week as two legends of the GCCGL meet for 9 holes of booming drives, miraculous ball striking and wizardry around the greens. Well, not at all, but it will be fun seeing Almeida and Rayburn duff their way around the course.  These two have played 7 times, and Rayburn owns a slight advantage at 4-3-1.  Syndrome is coming off back-to-back championship seasons so the confidence is high.  But, PW did something this season he hasn’t done since 1995 – he bought a new driver.  That’s right, George officially retired his Taylormade Bubble Burner driver and yes it really did come out in 1995 (I looked it up).  Upgrading equipment has to help him…right?  He’s on my team and he has a new weapon in his bag so I’m going with George tonight in a tight one 5.5-4.5.         

THE KREYLING KORNER

I’ve been trying to come up with ideas in the offseason to keep the Kreyling Korner fresh this year. In the past, people have enjoyed quote association.  You remember…I would find random golf quotes online and associate them with people.  In the cold winter months I had an epiphany – we have comments from actual GCCGL members that are anonymous.  What better way to start they year than trying to guess which member wrote these anonymous comments.   None of these comments have been edited (and I did only pick the ones appropriate enough for the blog).

Comment 1: Lets go back to 2 years ago on battle golf, to bring extra clubs, 2 putters, 2 drivers kind of thing, as long as maintain 14 clubs, NO RADIOS on course, lol 

We will start this party off with an easy one. Obviously this is Ollie.  First things first – he actually ended this comment with a smiley face, but I can’t get those to work on the blog.  Plus they are stupid.  Emoticons are for teenagers (primarily girl teenagers) plain and simple.  Second point – who else would argue that battle golf was better two years ago.  Adding the putter into play and forcing people to use their regular set of clubs actually makes people hit different kind of shots.  Plus, how funny is it watching all the members of the GCCGL on the putting green the night of Battle Golf using all kinds of clubs to putt.  Finally – no radios…this part actually kind of throws me off.  Ollie’s old and can’t hear so why does he care if there are radios on the course?

Comment 2: It’s a new year and Cletus still sucks. 

This comment gets a bit trickier and actually makes me laugh. Each week someone leaves a comment about Cletus sucking.  Same comment – Cletus still sucks­ – although this particular survey added the twist with the It’s a new year wording.  It’s really tough to say who this could be because Allen has made so many enemies over the years.  Off the top of my head I can think of heated exchanges with Donnie Golf Game, Cousin Joe and Pete.  Not to mention I’ve heard the story of him threatening to knock a guy out twice his size in a group hitting into him.  But for my money – I’m going with Pete.  It’s short, simple, and has just a tinge of funny – just like Pete!

Since we are on the topic of saying people suck – you guys sure do like to use that line in comment section. Rest assured everyone in this league has been told they suck at some point on these weekly surveys.

Comment 3: Can we make it mandatory for LG to where spanx shorts and muscle shirts every Thursday?

Yup – someone went there. And it made me crack up the first time I read it.  For the record, I’m flattered.  You guys are freaks – but I’m flattered.  Now, who said it?  It’s a hilarious comment which eliminates most of the league.  No vulgarity, yet on the verge of inappropriate…Rayburn’s out.  Well written – strike Allen off the list.  Makes no mention of comments on the blog – George is eliminated.  At the end of the day, I think it is Big Donkey or Cupcake, with the nod going to Big Donkey.  His comments last year about what GCCGL Members have in their closets still has me laughing.  

Feel free to make your guess on the comment section of the blog (George told me to say it).

Until next week – fairways and greens my friends.