June 21, 2012 Update

[dc]W[/dc]ow. What a week. first, we had another great day for golf. A little warm for my taste but better than rain. We had what seemed like a record sub turnout this week. A total of 9 subs made it it out this week which contributed to the perfect attendance. Thank you to all!

I’m going to try to make this short and sweet since I’m a little strapped for time. The big news this week has to be the trade between perennial cellar dwellers Menace to Sobriety and Never Question an 8! This trade happened fast, I mean really fast. I happened to be out of the office but I did catch the email chain after it all went down.  The trade was Golf Angel for Lonneman and two cases of PBR. The official statement from the GCCGL commissioner’s office is as follows:

The commissioner’s office is very pleased to announce the promotion of Melissa Cember to the position of D Player, Never Question an 8! (NQ8!).  Announced late this morning was a confirmed trade agreement between NQ8! and Menace to Sobriety to exchange D players for a lump sum payment of 2 cases of PBR. 

When team captain Rayburn was questioned on trading his team’s leading point getter he only said “I’ll do anything for 2 cases of PBR.”

Melissa joined the General Cable Golf League in 2011 asD Player, The Cletard Rollers.  Since joining the league, Melissa has exceeded expectations in all aspects of the game of golf.  Her handicap has gone from 31 down to a 19 while at the same time beer consumption has more than doubled from 3 per round to 7.  During the 2012 season she had enough of being called The Golf Angel.  She went out, got a tattoo and has been kicking a** and taking names ever since.  She is now the most feared D player on the golf league.

At this same time I am also pleased to announce the demotion of Brian Lonneman to the position of D Player, Menace to Sobriety.  Brian joined the General Cable Golf League in 2010 as D Player, Zingers.  After one year in the league Brian could not handle the day to day pressures of being the D Player of a last place team.  Week after week, loss after loss finally got to him and he requested a transfer out of the corporate headquarters to “find himself”.  After sitting out one year from the league and with help from his life coach, John Rayburn, he re-joined the league in 2012 as D Player, NQ8! and picked up right where he left off with loss after loss after loss. 

“This week was the last straw, if you can’t beat someone called Cupcake, you have no place on NQ8!” said A Player Danny Roller.

“While this trade is still under review by the regulatory commission, I am confident everything will move forward as planned” said team captain George Almeida.

On the surface this looks like a steal. Golf Angel brings her skills, charm and experience to NQ8! and is instantly thrown back into the thick of the race for the 2012 GCCGL Championship. Meanwhile Menace to Sobriety receives two whole cases of ice cold PBR……..and NQ8! threw in Lonneman at the last second. From the looks of this deal, it was questionable from the beginning. Not sure proper procedure was followed and I believe several by-laws were violated. But who cares! The Golf Angel could be the ticket that will push NQ8! to the top of the standings.

We have a couple of new nick names this week. In most cases, sometimes it takes years for a GCCGL member to earn a nick name and sometimes it only takes a couple of rounds of golf. In Nick Duer’s case, it took a while but his new nick name is Potter. Apparently Nick is a big Harry Potter fan as is millions around the world…………millions of tweens! This came about after Cletus called him out on the first tee this week. How did Cletus know of Duer’s passion for Potter? Who knows? The other nick name came very quickly. Sub Jeff Rozell’s nick name is Coach. As Rozell’s foursome was walking off the #14 tee box where Schemmel yanked his drive dead left (as he had all the holes previous to that) Rozell was telling Lonneman and Cupcake, “Did you see how he was gripping that club?  The way he was holding it it could only go left.”  He ended up telling this to Schemmel and straightened his drive out for him. Nice job Coach. Now can I get some tips on how to hit the freakin’ fairway just once!

The big winners were Balls of Fury who won their match with UMass Debate Team (23.5 – 16.5). The other matches were extremely close. AMDB moved back into first place by beating NQ8! (21 – 19) and The Big Tebowski’s narrowly became the first team to lose to Menance to Sobriety squeaking out a victory (20.5 – 19.5). Will Menace to Sobriety win a match? I don’t think a team has ever gone this deep into the season without a win.

 Winners of the low net were Kreyling, Duer, cook, Knechtges (A/B) with a low net of 31. What did they win, 2 bits? First time sub, Greg Szlyakowski (C/D) won with a low net of 31. Contratulations to the winners!

We move to the front nine of the Willows for the next two weeks. Hope you can all make it and as always, hit ’em straight!

Quote of the Day courtesy of Co-Commissioner Cupcake
“While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.”
– Henny Youngman

George Ameida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner