July 5, 2012 Update

[dc]W[/dc]ow, was it hot out there this past Thursday. Remarkably even with the ridiculously steamy weather, we had 23 of 24 golfers show up. We missed a perfect turnout all because Nick “Potter” Duer didn’t show up and didn’t get a sub. We had subs who were available, no excuse. We’ll let it slide this time.

We are down to 6 weeks left in the GCCGL season and two of those are non-match play events! You know what that means don’t you? Plenty of time for any of the top four teams to make a major move in the standings. Sadly, it’s all but over for the 5th and 6th place teams. Menace to Sobriety lost again, those poor bastards. At first, it was just sad watching Syndrome’s strategic moves backfire like Cletus the morning after a night of PBR’s and BW’s Jammin’ Jalapeno wings. But recently it has become somewhat agonizing to witness the mounting losses week after week. There is some upside to this tragic story, Menace to Sobriety actually gained a couple points this week despite getting whipped. They are within 10 points of the floundering Big Tebowski’s who are sinking faster than Obama’s approval ratings. This is the race-within-the-race. They can definitely climb out of the cellar if they can just get a couple of wins.

Other happenings in the world of the GCCGL included the follies of the foursome including Moore/Kreyling/Syndrom/Cletus. While on hole number 8 hitting their approach shots, the beer girl makes an appearance. This made them really happy, not because of the cold beer they didn’t need that they were going buy, but because ………….well you know. Donnie Golf Game flexes his steroid enhanced biceps and waves her over so she stops and waits for them to hit. Then he addresses his ball and promptly duffs one a couple of feet. I’m not familiar with this move Donnie boy, is this how you impress the ladies? Next up, Kreyling, the “A” player in this group, addresses his ball knowing full well that “beer girl” is watching especially after  Don’s debacle. Kreyling swings and shanks it dead left past the water. Smooth move…. OK, surely Cletus, who’s been red hot of the golf course this season, can do better than this. I mean come on, someone has to “represent” the GCCGL here. No such luck, a big ‘ol fat chunkaroo! It was a Cletus Clanker. OK, this girl by now has to be hysterically laughing on the inside but she still wants her tips so she keeps it together. Syndrome is dishing it out to the rest of the foursome at this juncture as well he should be. This is a pathetic display! One more shot here to save face, Syndrome is up and surely he has the experience to stay calm and deliver under pressure, right? Wrong! Not only did he not make the shot, he winds up somehow hitting the ball sideways and almost hit my golf cart as I’m riding up the 9th fairway! I hope you boys bought a lot of beer and tipped well after making the poor girl watch that despicable excuse for golf.

Ollie broke a club, while swinging and making contact with the ball on #9. The club breaks at the handle, comes up and around and hits Ollie on the old noggin. Ouch. That would have been some priceless video. Ollie asked big Donkey if he could have a do-over……Ollie, there are no do-overs in golf just like there’s no crying in baseball. I wish that was the end of the story but it isn’t. Upon inspection of the club, Syndrome uncovers some foreign substance on the broken club. No, it can’t be, can it? It is! I think it’s Clairol Natural Instincts for Men, the “natural healthy looking  gray coverage” – medium brown (M011). I think we may have found Ollie’s secret to success this season. If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you play marvelous golf. I should be one to talk, I haven’t shampooed my hair in over 20 years! At least you have hair Ollie. 

Other things included an un-relentless heckling from the gallery while Chris “#2” Meyer was putting. Chris had what we call a “Danny DeVito” left  for a bogue and the match. You know what a Danny DeVitio is don’t you? That’s what we call an “ugly 5 footer”.  He had to step away a couple of times while all kinds of insults and jeers spewed down at him while he was over his putt. There were all kinds of things being shouted about his legs, golf skills, wardrobe and I think I even heard a marriage proposal thrown into the mix….and it didn’t come from one of our female golfers……not that there’s anything wrong with that. He couldn’t handle the pressure, he missed it causing the gallery to erupt. Next up, Big Donkey, he had a slightly shorter putt, maybe 4 foot. The gallery strangely hushes all of a sudden while Big Mike makes his putt. I think they were afraid of him. Syndrome made 2 more back-to-back donations to the water Gods on the Par 3 on #5. Really Syndrome, the water isn’t even in play on that hole! Too funny! It was that kind of round for Syndrome. On #8, needless to say he was struggling. As everyone is playing their shots and walking up to the green, Donnie Golf Game spots Syndrome standing on the hill behind the green. Don asks, “Where’s your ball?” Syndrome replies, “In my pocket…..I’m taking an eight!” Nice use of the “Never Questions an 8” creed Johnny boy. Finally, J.J. took this picture of my butterfly sweat tattoo and I was wearing a t-shirt. Damn, it was hot out there.

The big winners this week were Balls of Fury who crushed the sinking Big Tebowski’s (26 – 14). That is a good ‘ol fashion spankin’! They were led by The Politician who creamed Potter’s card and grabbed 7.5 points. AMDB continues to hold onto first with an easy victory over the happless Menace to Sobriety (23.5 – 16.5). They were led by Kurt Kreyling (we need a nick name here) who won 8.5 points. Meanwhile NQ8! and UMass Debate Team tied (20 – 20). Still a close race folks! Only 15 points separating the 4th place team from the 1st place team.

Winners of the low net were Harris and Meyer (A/B) with a low net of 32 while Bedell and Schemmel (C/D) posted a low net score of 33. Congratulations to the winners!

We leave you today with a little piece called the Dreaded Call found by co-commissioner Cupcake.

The Dreaded Call
My boss phoned me today. He said, “Is everything okay at the office?”
I said, “Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day, I haven’t stopped.”
“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.
I said, “Of course, what is it?”
Pick up the pace a little. I’m in the foursome behind you.”

We move to the Willows back 9 for the next two weeks. Hope to see you on the golf course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner