All about Turtlenecks
Preface (05/04/15)
After being ridiculed for wearing my white, 1980’s stretch cotton turtleneck during a cold, windy round in early May 2015, I decided to research why all the haters were hating on my fashion sense that cold day. The result was learning more about turtlenecks than any man should know.
What a night. Where do I begin? There’s been a lot of talk surrounding the fashion faux pas of several league members throughout the years. Who can forget the Kreyling Korner fashion tip about the different type of socks to wear during a round of golf and who should wear them. Apparently, “anklet” socks which are those socks that come up to and stop at or around the ankle are NEVER to be worn by anyone under the age of 45. That distinction is left for the elderly and decrepit members. The under-45 club can only wear the no-show socks. Now it’s ok for ‘old guys” like myself to wear no-shows, but it’s forgiven if we don’t. Cargo shorts seemingly are fashion no-no’s as well. This too was another lesson we all learned from our resident fashionista, Lip Gloss. Yea, it’s true, cargo shorts (and pants) were huge in the 80’s, but hey, they still sell ’em so why not buy ’em? So far I’m oh-for-two. This week, I really blew it. I wore an admittedly old turtleneck that for some reason got a rise out of a few folks, including Mr. Metrosexual himself, LG! Uh-oh, I smell a new nickname. But the humiliation and shame I endured on the 19th hole as LG and others cruelly mocked, laughed, snapped pictures and pointed fingers at me while throwing half empty cups of Miller Lite at my head, made me want to understand where I went wrong. So I went home, reeking of stale beer and disgrace after getting shellacked by the Golf Angel, and did some research. What I found was nothing short of remarkable.
There are many type of men’s turtlenecks out there.
Mock Turtleneck – One of the most popular styles of the men’s turtleneck. Unlike other turtlenecks, it is meant to be worn during all types of weather. The front of the collar folds up over the neck. The back of the collar is sewn down, giving the illusion of a full turtleneck. Seriously? This garment doesn’t even have the balls to be a real turtleneck! Unless you drink hot tea every afternoon, have an allegiance to the queen or your name is Collin Firth, then you have no business wearing this apparel.
Cable-knit neckline – The cable-knit turtleneck is a looser style of the turtleneck that is commonly worn alone. Thicker than a mock turtleneck, and also known as a polo turtleneck, the cable-knit turtleneck has a thick, drooping neckline that folds over on itself down to the collarbone, sometimes lower. Sometimes, it is accessorized with buttons or zippers. I’ll tell you what this should be accessorized with……..how about a purse and a good beating!
Cowl Neck – The cowl neck turtleneck is usually made of soft material such as cashmere and sometimes is sold at an 80% discount with a small conspicuous red dot located halfway the front side of the shirt. The trademark neckline, instead of wrapping around the neck, folds down from it. It can extend all the way down to the chest. Sometimes, an extra flap of material folds to the side and can be buttoned to the sweater to create a layering effect. The soft material makes it extremely comfortable to wear for long periods of time, which means the fabric is usually more breathable than the basic cotton turtleneck. OK, now I want to punch someone.
Stretch Turtleneck – While there are many variations of turtlenecks today, the most well-known is the basic style seen in retail stores. It consists of cotton fabric, long sleeves, and the common turtleneck collar. It may also be made of jersey material, which is similar to cotton in that it can be somewhat stiff. The turtleneck is often associated with intellectual types, (like the Portuguese Warrior) but it is also a great way to show off a classy side in public. Enough said!
I can’t wait to read this week’s Kreyling Korner!
The Year of the Cletus continues. If this early season success lingers on, I think we’ll just make “The Year of the Cletus” a regular spot on the 20th anniversary GCCGL blog this year. Cletus continues to own Syndrome and is now 5 – 0 against him. He also took the low net winnings after shooting 4 under his HC. No, his HC did not go down. New nicknames include, Albatross (Lickert), Gordon (Carrier), it’s short for Gordon Fisherman. There really are some creative geniuses in this whacked out league. Big Ed snapped his losing streak to Potter after breaking his driver and teeing off with his 3-iron all night. Speaking of breaking drivers, I broke my driver on the tee just before my tee time. It was a bad omen. The GCCGL’s predictions continue to disappoint as the Matches of the Week were a complete “swing and miss”! There were plenty of libations for everyone this week once again bringing a positive vibe back to the 19th hole post round activities.
Daddy Day Care schooled The Offensive Line (23.5 – 16.5). They were led by Cletus who grabbed 7.5 points. DDC have catapulted to an early lead. The Massholes also won their team match against Roller and Duer Again (23.5 – 16.5) moving out of last place into 4th place. They were led by Schott, Big Ed and Gordon who picked up their “D” player and all took 7 points each. The Big Band Theory, this year’s surprise team, continues to impress with their win over Three Men and an Ollie (23 – 17). They were led by Silent H who quietly stole 7 points. (see what I did there?)
The weather is finally supposed to break for week 3 and just in time for the dreaded back 9 of the Willows. It’s match play again. It’s been a great start to the season. Please get a sub if you can’t make it. We hope to see you on the tee and as always, hit ’em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
