2018 – Week 13

It was week 13 of the 2018 GCCGL season which coincidentally coincided with Friday the 13th. Was it a coincidence? The week started with more jabs at PW regarding his record against the card. Of course, as with all media these days, you never get the full story. You only get the bits and pieces that the corrupt media wants you to know. Let me explain. 

Lip Gloss called out PW’s lifetime record against the card as 15-0-7 (it’s now 16-0-7) and pointed out that it was a terrible record against the card because I only beat the card 68% of the time. However, he failed to mention that for the majority of the 23-year history of the GCCGL, there was a period where one can actually LOSE to the card. We only added the Section 5A-1 “Can’t Lose To The Card” addendum approximately 8-10 years ago. Now, that record doesn’t look as bad, does it? Add to that, in the very infancy of the GCCGL when I was just an inexperienced golf commissioner, there was a small period of time where there wasn’t even a penalty for the no-show player which meant you played the card straight up. I realized this wasn’t fair early on but there were a few seasons where we played straight up. Look, I can’t help it that 22 of my matches went against the card. I’m not even sure that stat is accurate, but if it is, it’s out of my control. Maybe folks don’t want to play against PW for one reason or another. Maybe they don’t like the Portuguese people. Maybe they don’t like abnormally short and stocky people or they have an aversion to cargo shorts. Or maybe they just don’t like bald people. Whatever the reason, I own whatever record I own and I’m proud of it. 

Speaking of bald people, shouldn’t Lip Gloss be focused on trying to keep his team from dropping out of the money instead of besmirching PW’s good name? Team Putter Face’s championship hopes are disappearing faster than a box of Twinkies at a fat camp. 

Where would Donkey’s Disciples be without Ollie this season? By the way, has anyone else noticed that Ollie seems to state the obvious during the course of a round? Yes, yes, it’s true. Maybe it’s me Ollie but when I pull my shot into the woods, I don’t need to relive the moment in front of the whole group. I know my ball just went into the woods. I don’t need to be reminded that I stink. My advice to you Ollie is to ease up a little on the obvious observations or your new nick name may just change to Captain Obvious.  But I’m not here to pick on good ‘ol Ollie. This man is carrying his team right now. No one really knows how old Ollie is but after secretly counting the number of notches on his pony tail, I estimate his birth date right around the Prohibition Era. Ollie is putting together a fine season. He leads the league in points and is in the top five for WinPCT. Is it experience? Perhaps. Is it practice? Maybe. He does play golf a minimum of 3-4 times per week and that’s being conservative. An improved golf game isn’t the only thing that comes with age, kleptocracy starts to creep in the older you get.  There are several reasons for this. Old people sometimes have less money so they have to steal things to make ends meet. Also, their minds aren’t as sharp as they once were and may tend to forget things or get confused more than usual.

Case in point, Ollie was caught red-handed stealing Cupcake’s head cover this week. There are pictures to prove it. CC dropped his head cover under his golf bag like he always does and hit his drive. When he went to pick it up, the head cover was gone. He looked and looked but it was gone! GONE! It vanished quicker than Squirts after a bad round. Then as he was walking to his drive and contemplating how he could justify the purchase of a new head cover to his wife, he notices Ollie has taken the head cover and placed it on HIS DRIVER!. Ollie has never owned a head cover as long as he’s been in this league. They hadn’t invented elastic fabric at the time he bought his clubs. So how do we explain this? All of a sudden, he picks up a head cover on the ground and claims it for himself? Was it raining head covers last night? Did the head cover fairy just drop by and grace Ollie with a used Callaway head cover? Ollie doesn’t even own a Callaway driver! Or was he just a confused old man? After weighing all the options here, the “dementia” defense is really his only defense. Ollie, you were BUSTED! 

Click for larger view

The big winners this week were Donkey’s Disciples who destroyed Ballers…Schott Callers! (24.5-15.5). They were led by Captain Obvious who grabbed another 8 points to add to his league leading point total. Hackstreet Boys beat The Process (23.5-16.5). They were led by Goldie who took 7.5 points. Finally, Catalina Wine Mixer defeated Putter Face again (23.6-16.5). They were led by Meat who managed 8.5 points. 

The low net winners this week were Cousin’ Joe (A/B) who shot a net 34 and The Politician (C/D) who scored a net 32. Congratulations! We stay on the Willows Back for US Open Rules this week. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight! 

* One final note, The GCCGL failed to mention the low net winners on last week’s blog post. It has since been corrected to give the low net winners their moment in the sun. I was notified by a very upset and visibly distraught Lip Gloss who fired off several angry emails stating that he did not get credit for winning low net and what’s worse was that his arch enemy, Big Donkey Enterprises LLC, had received a lot of ink. I’m here to set the record straight and give LG his due. You did good LG….you did good.  

George Almeida – GCCGL co-commissioner