The Flump

Week 6 was definitely entertaining, if not painful. The Stableford is usually the point in each GCCGL season where the contenders separate themselves from the pretenders and this season was no different. We have so much to cover and so little time so let’s get to it. Once again, the weather was garbage. It has been a rough start to the season from that standpoint. But look on the bright side, with all this rain, we still have not been rained out so it could be worse.

The Art of the High Five. Until this past week, I never really gave the “high five” gesture much thought. No one for sure knows when or how it originated but most speculate that Dusty Baker was the first to execute the first public high five when he hit his 30^th HR of the season to give the 1977 Dodgers four players on the same team to hit 30 home runs in a season. There’s nothing to it really, you stick your hand up high and wait for someone to slap it. However, over the years, there have been many variations like the low five, fist bump, the high-five fist-bump combo, the air five, the jellyfish, the spider, the turkey, the snail, the Marlboro Man, the Canseco, Jimmie Crackhorn, Dirty Dennis and the Sloppy Poppy. OK, I made those last five up but you get the point. Too many variations have complicated what once was considered a gesture that could only be screwed up by the most uncoordinated morons on the planet. The Dropping Deuces team members are now officially in that category! After narrowly missing birdie attempts by fractions of an inch on the first two holes, Dropping Deuces birdied the third hole after sinking an eight-foot bender. The celebration that took place immediately afterwards could only be described as pathetic, embarrassing and just plain sad. PW sank the putt and Cletus was the first to come in for a high five. He went with the traditional open palm up high whereas I came in with the more modern fist bump. When I realized that we weren’t on the same page, I tried to save face and quickly switched to the open palm hoping that no one would notice. But unfortunately, Cletus had the same thought and he switched up to the fist bump. Oh no! We just performed the most unmanly, dehumanizing gesture that any self-respecting male can, we just executed a perfect flump.

It was a disaster and it only got worse. As both Cletus and I slowly meandered away from that humiliation, here comes Cupcake in my direction. Ah-ha! I get to redeem myself. As I tried to put the whole Cletus fiasco behind me, I decide to not make the same mistake. So, I go in with the traditional open palm up high to Cupcake but low and behold, CC came in with the fist bump! Jeez George, your overthinking this! Lip Gloss, in an attempt to salvage this train wreck of a celebration, comes in like someone just released from a mental institute and now we are all on the green, flopping our hands all over the place like a bunch of wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men. This isn’t happening! As bad as this might sound to all of you reading this blog, it was worse than you could imagine. Needless to say, that disaster was the catalyst for the rest of the round. The very next hole, number 4, we all hit the approach shot into the water and then all hit terrible “fourth” shots to the green. As if things couldn’t get worse, we then proceeded to three-putt the hole for a scramble score of triple-bogey (7). We wouldn’t see another birdie until the last hole and when that birdie was made by Cupcake, it was the most uncelebrated birdie in golf history.

We have some new nicknames this week. Super sub, J. Kramer, is now officially Teen Wolf. We aren’t sure who came up with the name but these things sort of just happen. Welcome aboard Teen Wolf! Speaking of things that sort of just happen, we had a rare nickname change this week. Ollie, God love him, has trouble remembering many of the league member’s real names, never mind their nicknames. Listen, I can sympathize with you Ollie. On more than one occasion in my life, I’ve forgotten someone’s name seconds after they introduce themselves to me while shaking hands. I know, that’s bad. I have issues but I’m working on it. Anyway, Ollie was trying to remember Squints’ name but actually called him Squirts. It’s amazing how just one letter in one word can make such a difference. Well, this slipup did not go unnoticed by several GCCGL members and a new nickname was born. That’s how quick it happens folks. This is the third nickname for Tucker (Radio & Squints being the first two). What makes this even more intriguing is that these two face off in next week’s match play. Squirts wasn’t too happy with the new nickname that Ollie just gave him and he’s vowed to take revenge. Squirts is looking to take advantage of his terribly inflated handicap and post the first ever (10-0) match in GCCGL history. Meanwhile, Ollie will be out there practicing every day this week in preparation for the biggest upset of this season. Lip Gloss, if this isn’t one of the MOW’s this week than you’re a putz! Sorry about that, I’m still upset about the Stableford Scramble.

There is something about hole # 9 on the Willows that has it out for Syndrome. See this week’s history lesson for more on Syndrome’s Shenanigans. Hmm, Syndrome’s Shenanigans…… that could be a whole new section of the GCCGL blog. After he finished his round, Syndrome returned from his car wearing his flip flops as he is known to do. He was carrying his leftover beer and ice bag and walking precariously down the muddy slope to the gallery on Willows #9 when he slipped and almost caused a mud slide. At first, we thought he was hurt, but after it was confirmed that he would live, it became all too funny! All I can say is that it was a good thing that Mrs. PW wasn’t there to witness Syndrome’s flip-flop on his flipflops. I love my wife dearly but she has this condition where she completely loses it when someone falls down and she breaks out in uncontrollable laughter. Once, many years ago, before we had finished our basement, I was closing the pool on a brisk September afternoon. As I was carrying the solar cover down the wooden stairs to our basement, I slipped on an unopened box containing a blowup raft that I had placed at the top of the stairs earlier in the day. My feet went completely horizontal and my backside and head hit the hard stairs and I proceeded to careen down the stairs onto the concrete basement floor. I was legitimately hurt. You’d think my wife would be running to my rescue and concerned about the Portuguese Warrior. Nooooo. It was the complete opposite. She belted out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that was coming from deep within the diaphragm. It didn’t even sound like her normal laugh. It sounded like she was possessed by a cross between Jim Carey and Vincent Price. This is my life. At any rate, we’re glad you are OK Syndrome and Mrs. PW asked me to thank you for the belly laugh!

TWIG
This week in golf included the second special event of the season, the Stableford Scramble. This is the only event where there is virtually no cap on how many points a team can score or not score. The big winners this week were Young Guns who finished with a 29. Very respectable considering very tough conditions. They opened up a nice little cushion and may be tough to catch. ROVER finished in second place with 28 points, even after searching for their drive on #7 for 15 minutes! Rounding up the top three was Strait to Church with 25 points. The bottom three were JETS (21 pts), Dropping Deuces (13 pts) and Birdies, Eagles and a Crowe (5 pts). FIVE points. BEC dropped all the way from 2^nd place to 5^th place. To be fair, they were without their A Player, Prince Albert. Remember when the predictions were made way back before the Florida Scramble? It was predicted that BEC would struggle this season mainly due to having a couple of newcomers and the complacency rumors surrounding Prince Albert. The Prince’s attendance this season has been less than stellar and his team is feeling it. This has started a “Ditch Mitch” campaign that seems to be picking up some steam. We’ll have to see how this plays out the rest of the season. There’s also been a lot trade talk happening behind closed doors. Some of the names and terms include, but are not limited to, VanPelt, Cletus, Syndrome, a carton of Marlboro Lights and a case of Coors Banquet nips. Stay tuned.

History Lesson
Those of us who were in the league in 2015, were lucky enough to witness the Runaway Cart incident where Syndrome somehow manages to drive his cart off the path and down the steep embankment onto the green on Willows #9. It truly was and still is one of the funniest things I ever witnessed, anywhere. The entire incident is burned into my memory and I still laugh out loud when thinking about it. For those of you who want to read more about the Runaway Cart, click HERE.

Profile Spotlight
Since we’re talking so much about Syndrome this week, I figure we’d stay with the theme. Syndrome has provided countless entertainment over the years. He has a great sense of humor and can take criticism as well as he dishes it out. This week’s profile spotlight is Syndrome.

The CTP winners this week were Snoodles (A/B) and VanPelt (need a nickname) (C/D). Congratulations to the winners.  We return to match play and move to the Willows back for the next two weeks.  If you like what you’ve read, then join the conversation and leave a comment. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner