2024 – Week 9
PW is falling apart. Lower back pain continues to linger around like a Cupcake “drive-by” in the corporate office hallways. I’m dealing with excruciating pain in both shoulders and have run out of prescription anti-inflammatory medicine. Then I looked down at my knees the other day and realized they looked like Cletus’ knees. What is happening to me? If that isn’t enough, my doctor told me just this week that I have to go on a Low-Purine diet. WTF? Low-Purine? What is that? It turns out that this is the recommended diet for folks who suffer from Gout. I personally have never had gout, but I have had kidney stones and apparently, it helps with that as well. Anyway, I say all this not for you to feel sorry for PW. Nope, we all have our issues, whether physical, social or psychological. I say this because why would co-commissioners Cupcake and Lip Gloss conspire against PW when he at his lowest?
You heard correct. There’s a conspiracy against the founder of the GCCGL and CC and LG are smack in the middle of it. Let me explain. For some reason, 2 of the 3 GCCGL co-commissioners feel the need to inject themselves into the “Subbing Business”. Which is to say, they go out and recruit subs and then they strategically decide who subs against who and when. Needless to say, this is a slippery slope that is rife with controversial undertones. Uncle Ben famously said to a young Spiderman, “With great power come great responsibility”. I’m guessing CC and LG are more DC Comics fans than Marvel. I gave these two guys the power of the GCCGL Co-Commissioner title many years ago and they have gone hog wild since! They must be stopped.
Now, you will undoubtably hear vigorous rebuttals and denials from each of them. But I can assure you that my sources are accurate. Below are some text message snippets between Cupcake and Cletus and then between me and the other two stooges.
In the first text, it is obvious that Cupcake is worried about this conspiracy seeing the light of day and is texting anyone and everyone to find out who the mole or moles are. I ask you, is this NOT the actions of a man with something to hide?
This next text snippet is between me and twiddly dee and twiddly dumber. Cupcake seems very proud of himself for the “last minute” substitution he and KK found to play against PW. As you can see, PW was confused. Why is Cupcake getting “last-minute” subs for another team? And why did they think I was mad about the sub? Why would I be mad? Didn’t my opponent, Cap, get the sub? They never answered me directly. Did they think I was mad because I didn’t blog last week? There was a very good reason for that, it was PW’s wife’s birthday last weekend and we were very busy. I just couldn’t find the time. THIS was my first indication that something smelled a little off about this whole thing.
My second indication confirmed my suspicions when I found that they had called multiple A-Players to subs against me. They never thought to call a C or D Player for the PGA Event. Nor did they even think to ask me if I’d be willing to split the points (like I did this past week) to give my body a break. Nope, they never thought to do any of that. I ask you, what did PW do to deserve this?
Look, I got beat fair and square. The fact that it came against Tucker who annoyed the shit out of me, may have made it worse, but nonetheless, he played well and I didn’t. Sorry Tucker, I didn’t mean that. We’re good but do you have to walk-off every single putt on the green? However, there is a reason why the PGA Event pits the flights against each other (A vs A, B vs B, etc.). It is actually a stipulation of the PGA event that was put in by none other than Lip Gloss. It’s funny how all that is forgotten when it comes to playing against PW. Isn’t it? The reason I moved up tees this year is because I am physically unable to hit a single green in regulation on the Willows course from the White Tees other than the Par 3s. It is just a fact. It’s not a lot of fun when the best possible score you can hope for is a bogie and you are being outdriven by 80, 90, 100 yards on every hole. But I digress.
Finally, as for my sources. I will never reveal them. All I will say is that I did receive an anonymous letter tipping me off to potential shenanigans. The letter was post-marked from a strip club in Vegas. Who do I know in Vegas?
Happy Fathers Day fools! Hope to see you on the course next week and as always, hit ‘em straight!
