2024 – Week 2

The first match play event of the year has come and gone. So, what have we learned? Well, we had 3 out of 22 scores (14%) finished net par on the Pioneer back. I’m thinking, we all need to get to the range more often or squeak in a weekend round every now and then. Of course, we have a lot of newbies this season which I think is great for the league, I really do. It’s just going to take some time to get their sea legs under them, that’s all. Therefore, I’m dedicating this blog post to helping our new members and substitutes. If you are a GCCGL veteran, you can just stop reading and go back to sleep or whatever you were doing. But it probably wouldn’t hurt to read on, you might learn something.

First things first, you must become familiar with the GCCGL subtleties. Lip Gloss touched a little bit about it in his stellar Kreyling Korner. A lot of what you’ll read can be found somewhere in this award-winning golf blog but I’ll highlight some of the more important topics.

Keeping Score
Match play scoring is rather simple. It is straight match play for nine holes. The low net score gets a full point while a split receives 1/2 point. We then add an extra point for overall low net score. Therefore, it is a 10-point scoring system each match play.

Filling out the Scorecards
Please make sure to write your names on the scorecard. I’m not a freakin’ mind-reader. We don’t know who “P” is? or “R”. I had to take the scorecards yesterday because LG had to leave and Cupcake was nowhere to be found again, and I gotta tell you, I really had to think about who’s card was who’s. And the issue wasn’t with the newbies for the most part, it was with seasoned GCCGL long-time members. Also, you should always make sure you and your opponent go over the scoring and come to an agreement before turning in your card. That is just common sense.

Rolling the ball
Rolling the ball is allowed. This was an exception to the normal golf rules put in on DAY 1 of the league 29 years ago. The reasoning behind this was simple. To speed up play and make it more enjoyable for all.

Gimmies
As with normal match play, each player decides whether they want to “give” their opponent a tap-in putt. The only caution is that if you have players who are having a great round and in line for low net and both have 10 footers left, you can’t just start giving each other long putts just to be in the Low Net running for the week. Capeesh?

Ready Golf
Lip Gloss alluded to this, but it warrants repeating. There are some of us, who are really bad at this one (cough…Ollie….cough). If you are ready to tee off and don’t necessarily have “honors”, just tee off. If you are on the green, please get to your ball and start your pre-putt routine as much as you can without disturbing the person that is putting. We’re not competing for the Green Jacket here, we’re drinking beer and having some fun with friends, co-workers and acquaintances. 

Now let’s get to the topic you’ve been waiting for, PW’s Tips and Tricks for Newbies. There’s a self-published e-book you can purchase on Amazon for the low price of $.69 + tax and shipping in case you are interested.

I actually wrote a 2017 post on this topic in case you are interested. But I’m going to go into a little more detail with the hope of getting all the newbies up to speed. It is super important to have a game-day ritual. Everyone’s game-day ritual (GDR) will be different. There is no right formula here. 

1. 1. Get plenty of sleep the night before – stop watching late night news like Hannity or the Daily Show or whatever your late-night preference is. Do you think these guys care whether you double-bogey Pioneer #1? No! Get at least 7.5 – 8 hours every Wednesday and you’ll be on your way.
   2. Eat a good breakfast – anything is good except Yogurt and Granola. Throw some eggs and bacon in the pan. Don’t worry about the wife screaming at you that it is stinking up the house. Who cares?! You have a match play to worry about.
   3. Drink a minimum of 3 cups of caffeinated coffee – I promise, this will help with the most important tip #9.
   4. Eat a late lunch – this goes without saying, if you eat too early, then your stomach will be rumbling around hole #3. Don’t let that happen to you! I find that 1:30pm usually works for me.
   5. Hydrate often – no brainer. Drink a minimum 64 ounces of water (with lemon if you have it) before and during the round.
   6. Get to the course early – block out your work calendars from 3:45pm – 9:00pm every Thursday from mid-April to the first week of September. If someone schedules a meeting during that time period, tell them you can’t make it, you have an appointment for a prostate exam. Most folks will feel so sorry for you and just let it go.
   7. Warm up (stretch, hit some balls, whatever) – this is especially true for us old geezers. 
   8. Play Your Game – get into the mindset that you are just playing your game. You are not playing match play. Who cares what your opponent is doing. Just play your game. At the end, calculate the scores and most of the time, the match will be close. Trust me on this one.
   9. Purging – You gotta purge before your round. If you don’t, your changes of winning go down approximately 69%. I’m not making these numbers up. Now, there are different stages of purging. The more you purge, the better chances you have of winning your match play. 

These are your staples. There are no real surprises here. But the most important PW tip is #9. When you get to my age, you’re lucky if you go once a day. It’s a “Can of Corn” as my old Memaw used to say. Approximately 50% of Americans fall into this category. One cup of coffee = one morning purge. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you want to lose your match to Cletus.

What’s the old saying, “Two is better than one“? Well, that certainly applies here. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, I call it “Uncle Charlie“. It’s not what you think, when I was younger, we actually had an uncle Charlie who’d visit us on holidays and destroy the plumbing every single time. My father hated uncle Charlie. It is estimated that 30% of the population falls into this, more advanced, purging category. Varying life choices such as a second cup of coffee, with creamer and a love of fried food, normally is the catalyst for the lucky folks in this category.

But the holy grail has to be the “Golden Sombrero“. It’s extremely rare. Less than 20% of the population ever achieves this. This is where you want to be on game day. Purging not once, not twice, but three times before the round will almost guarantee you a victory. So, how do you get to this “Zen” spot? Well, it’s similar to the Uncle Charlie but you need to add that third cup of coffee. I can’t underestimate the importance of that. Bad eating habits will also help but the secret sauce is the utter lack of a regular exercise routine.

Disclaimer – before reaching the Golden Sombrero stage, it is HIGHLY recommended that you invest in a state-of-the-art Bidet. DO NOT attempt this without installing or having access to a working Bidet. Doing so will negate all the hard work you’ve done to get this far and actually reverse the intended results.

So there you have it. What did you think you were going to get? Harvard studies, professional investigative journalism or Pulitzer Award-winning material? I told all of you at the beginning, if you are expecting to read that kind of stuff on this blog, you might want to re-think your decision to join the GCCGL. What you get here is raw, practical advice from a guy who’s favorite movie is “Dumb and Dumber”.

Once again, HUGE props to the first group, Kreyling , Goldie, Roddy and Etheridge. There was plenty of beer once again. Actually, there wound up being too much beer because Goldie told me we need more so I bought two more pitchers of Miller Lite and we couldn’t drink it all! We were literally asking the folks behind our league if they wanted some beer! What has happened to us? The problem was that all the beer drinkers didn’t stick around. However, I’m happy to report that we did eventually finish the pitchers, barely.

We continue Match Play this week. The schedule is set. Good luck everyone. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

The Portuguese Warrior – GCCGL co-commissioner