2023 – Week 9
Man-oh-man, things are starting to percolate in the GCCGL this season. The standings are in flux. Go Putt Yourself dropped out of first place after their poor showing during last week’s Pink Ball and losing their match play this week. Speaking of “percolating”, I never thought I’d meet another person “gassier” than co-commissioner Cupcake. I was wrong. I had the privilege of golfing with all the newbies this week, Duracell, Winkler and Toby. A great bunch of guys. We had a lot of fun and it was a pleasure finally getting to know them a little. One of those guys, might have serious intestinal issues and by rights, should probably see a doctor. But what do I know, I’m just the IT guy. Can you guess which one of those guys likes to bake air biscuits? It’s always the smaller guy…… Toby. Look, farting is a natural bodily function and occurs when your body processes digestive fluids. Carbon dioxide gas is produced and ultimately released. You know what they say, “An empty house is better than a bad tenant“. But dang, I think Toby just about shit his shorts several times. One of those times was on hole #7 on the Pioneer front (along Independence Station Road). Unfortunately for me, I was passing right behind Sir Farts-A-Lot just as another rectal raspberry forced its way out. It was a direct hit. I definitely caught some shrapnel. I was still a little dazed as I approached the tee and prompted to “duck” hook a drive with a 4-iron into the water. What’s that you say? “PW, there is no water on that hole“. There is when PW is on the tee!
I managed to salvage the hole and bogied after hitting my 3rd shot just off the top of the green, hitting the flag stick with my chip and one-putting.
There was another incident between the cart jockeys and the GCCGL. I’ve lost count as to how many times we’ve butted heads with these guys. The latest episode happened when the fourth group of Cletus, Jim Allen, Swiper and Patient Zero tee’d off. The cart jockey was standing about 50 feet behind the group, watching intently for something, but we couldn’t tell what. His left hand was on his walkie-talkie and his right-hand was diggin’ for clams. Below is an excerpt of what went down.
Old man jockey: Desert Fox, this is Furry Bandit, do you copy? Over.
Teenage jockey: Furry Bandit, I copy. What’s your vector victor? Over.
Old man jockey: We got a possible 10-69 in progress, what’s your position? Over.
Teenage jockey: Um, Furry Bandit, I’m feeding the French…. sir. Over.
Old man jockey: God damn it Desert Fox! Finish cuttin’ the rope and get your sorry caboose out here! Over.
Old man jockey: We got a Ghost Rider, I repeat, we got a Ghost Rider. Over.
Old man jockey: Desert Fox, don’t forget to wash your hands this time! Over.
Teenage jockey: Roger that, Bandit. Over.
Teenage jockey arrives to the cart where Old man jockey was standing.
Old man jockey: They are finishing teeing off. Here we GO!
Teenage jockey: Wow, that was a terrible drive, wait for a mullig….. Nope! Go! Go! Go!
The cart jockeys jumped in that cart like a trampoline at fat camp and disappeared faster than a box of rainbow bracelets at an LGBT event. They tracked down Jim Allen and Cletus and commandeered one of their carts forcing them to combine into a single cart. Jesus H Christ! I get it. I understand what they are trying to do but there were at least a hundred carts up top and below the clubhouse. It was 5:30pm. Was that really necessary?
There is so much more to get to, but this post is getting a little long so let’s start wrapping it up. PW got a lot of compliments on the burgundy and black ensemble this week. Like Cletus always says, “You gotta look good to play good“. He might have something there. The best achievement of the week goes to ……….. Jim Allen. That’s right, I said Jim Allen for squeezing out 2.5 points against Cletus who score a gross 38! How he didn’t lose 10-0 is certainly the achievement of the week! Fantastic round Cletus! Speaking of fantastic rounds, Gosney shot a gross 37! Wow! This kid might be angry and resentful, like most of his generation, but damn he’s playing some good golf. Uh, oh yea, Potter shot the low round of the evening with a 36 if anyone cares….
The big winners this week were Meat Balls who mashed Courtesy Tap-Ins (24-16). They were led by one of our resident super subs, Brady who nabbed 9.5 points. Dude, Where’s my Par? beat Go Putt Yourself (22.5-17.5) knocking them out of first place. They were led by Nick “Potter” Duer who took 8.5 points. The top three teams are only separated by 4.5 points with the other three teams still within striking range with the Montezuma’s Revenge scramble lurking. The low net winners were Gosney (A/B) and Cletus (C/D) both with low net 30! Congratulations to the winners! We continue match-play format on the Pioneer back this week! We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!
The Portuguese Warrior – GCCGL co-commissioner
