2023 – Week 18

Tomfoolery That’s a funny word. I’ve used it more than once to describe the antics that seem to happen in this crazy little golf league of ours. Week 18 of the 2023 GCCGL provided more “tomfoolery” than usual. 

Let’s start with last week’s blog post about how Cletus’ tomfoolery may wind up costing his team some points at the end of the season. What PW failed to mention last week was how almost exactly 13 years to the day, August 11, 2011, my team, Sphincter Says What?, was robbed of 4.5 points very late in the season because of the same exact “miscalculation” by the Head of Handicap Division, co-commissioner Cupcake. Sphincter was in 2nd place at the time and this controversy shook them up so much, they never recovered and dropped out of contention in one of the worst collapses in GCCGL history. I must have blocked it out due to the trauma it caused me and my teammates. If you want, you can read all about it right HERE. I highly recommend you do. You will be introduced to the dark side of the GCCGL.  It’s a story about power, fame and the lengths that one is willing to do in order to become part of the GCCGL ring of champions.

You may be asking yourself, “PW, why are you bringing up something from 13 years go? Who gives a shit? Move on!“. The reason I give a shit is because the integrity of the GCCGL is in jeopardy. OK, even I laughed at that last sentence. The amount of integrity in this golf league may be debatable but I’ll be damned if co-commissioner Cupcake is allowed to get away with these shenanigans AGAIN! You see….it was Cupcake’s team who benefitted from these questionable accounting methods 13 years ago! And guess who’s team is in 2nd place this year? I’ll give you one guess, .

As a matter of fact, 2011 coincidentally was the last time Cupcake won the coveted GCCGL Championship. It just goes to show you, NEVER underestimate what people will do to hold that 3 inch GCCGL trophy in their hands.

The GCCGL’s commissioner’s office received a strange and unexpected anonymous package late Friday afternoon. At first, I thought it was just another weekly delivery of dog poop, but it wasn’t. The contents of this package shook the GCCGL office to its core. It included the following letter and information below.

Dear GCCGL,

We have some information about the one they call Lip Gloss that is pertinent to the 2023 GCCGL season. My organization has received information that LG did not have some “kid stuff” last night. The real reason he couldn’t make it to league play was because he is manipulating the odds of winning the prestigious 2023 GCCGL Winning PCT award. LG realized he was not going to be able to mathematically win the Points Championship so he locked in on the Winning PCT Championship instead. If you run the numbers, it seems like he skipped last night on purpose to lock up at least ½ the win% money.  By skipping last night and avoiding a potential loss, even if the other people in contention were to win the last 2 match plays and he were to lose, the worst that could happen for him would be a tie for win% money.  Of course Ollie and Parvesse both lost and Tally tied, so his strategy seems to have paid off and he definitely has it locked up now. Please see the proof below.

You know what this is like? It’s like a baseball player sitting out the last game of the season to ensure themselves of winning the batting championship. The note was signed only by a smiley face. We do not know where it came from or why it was sent. Regardless of whether the GCCGL commissioner’s office believe any of this nonsense or not, the GCCGL press office felt strongly, for transparency purposes, that it needed to be published and made known public, even if the letter and it’s information was never vetted or validated. 

Once again, there was another incident between the GCCGL and the cart jockeys / KCGC clubhouse. Unbelievably, I missed the entire altercation. Apparently, as the GCCGL members were enjoying their libations, which were purchased from the clubhouse, the cart guy brought the big guy with him to yell at us to bring in the carts. The big guy said, “I built all these patios for you guys to drink on, not stand out here drinking all night”.  I would understand them wanting the carts back if we were the only people out there, but there were still carts coming in when we were leaving the parking lot at 9pm!!  It seems like there is something every week with this place. I really don’t understand it after 28 years of dedicated, 95+% attendance rate each and every year. We buy a lot of beer each and every week. And we are NOT the only league who hangs around outside after the round drinking and socializing. Our time seems to have run out at this place after almost 3 decades. I don’t think it will be easy to find another golf league time slot as good as the one we have currently, but if we do, it might be time to move on. It really is a shame.

In other news, Toby breaks 70 and wins a piece of the low net money! You see, the HC system does work!

Despite their hatred for each other, the big winners this week were Meat-Balls who notched 23 points and have pretty much secured a 3rd place finish. They were led by Cap and Harris with 6.5 points each. Return of the Cletus remains 12.5 points (or less depending on Cupcake’s mood) ahead of Go Putt Yourself after both teams “pushed” after taking 20.5 points each.  The low net winners were Roller/Duer/Goldie (A/B) with a low net 35 and Cap and Grainger (C/D) with a low net 36. Congratulations to the winners! It is the last week of match play on the Willows front. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

The Portuguese Warrior – GCCGL co-commissioner