2017 – Week 5

Don’t Drink the Water
Has anyone tasted the water from the water coolers on the course the last two weeks? Holy crap! That is some nasty stuff. Are they dumping runoff from one of the farm streams off Independence Road? It was pretty hot last week so I was relieved to see a water cooler on hole #6. I poured a nice cold swig of what looked like water but tasted like s**t, took a gulp and immediately spit it out and started to walk to the tee box while scouring the bottom of my golf bag for a mint. Then I see Ollie walking towards the water cooler with his empty bottle. I yelled out to him, but he didn’t hear me because he was having trouble hearing out of his right ear all night. So I dropped my driver on the tee box and sprinted over to the water cooler. A startled Ollie, looks at me and asks, “What are you doing?” and I replied, “Here, let me pour that for you”. Badabump-ching!

Quarter of the way through season
Can you believe we are one quarter of the way through the season already? What have we learned from the first five weeks? Well, all six teams are within 20 points of first place which is a good thing. The pre-season pick of the Young Guns is holding up so far. Squints’ bloated handicap has got him at the top of the both the Points and Money Leaderboards and his team in first place. It seems to rain every Thursday and it only took 4 weeks for LG to complain about “fluffing” the ball.

Fluffernutter
Speaking of fluffing the ball. Looks like the old “fluff-r-roo” turned out to be a “duff-r-roo”. LG, who is the biggest proponent of playing the ball “down” and NOT FLUFFING, decided the reason he has a GCCGL career record of 25-42-9 with NO championships and no 2^nd place finishes is because he doesn’t fluff his ball like everyone else. So he made the decision to join the duffers and fluffers this week. It didn’t make a difference. As a matter of fact, I think it made matters worse. It’s only one week so we’ll have to wait and see how this will play out. But I will keep poking the bear as long as the bear keeps getting irritated.

MOW Jinx
Everyone loves the weekly MOW (Match of the Week) posted on the world renowned Kreyling Korner blog right? Well not everyone. Cupcake has a real problem with the MOW. The MOW Jinks has been around ever since Kreyling Korner (which by the way was the brain child of PW). That’s right, I’m giving myself a bravo for that one. I recognized blogger material in that angry, lanky, balding kid before anyone else did. He’s my protégé. Wasn’t that a Seinfeld episode? Anyway, along with the MOW comes the Mow Jinx. The MOW Jinx is well known in GCCGL lore. For those of you who are new to the league, the MOW Jinx is bestowed upon the golfer who is picked by Lip Gloss in the MOW. Over the years, Lip Gloss has consistently predicted well under .500 for his career to the point where no one wants to be picked by KK to win the MOW because they don’t want to be jinxed. Not everyone believes in the Mow Jinx but I can tell you, with the upmost certainty that our beloved Cupcake believes in the Mow Jinx like a three year old believes in Santa Claus. Sorry Squints there is no Santa. The jinx has gotten so far inside Cupcake’s head that he’s a mess on the course anytime he’s picked to win the MOW. Don’t believe me. Check out the numbers to the left.

Since the 2016, Cupcake has been picked to win the MOW 8 times. That, in of itself, is unbelievable. I’m trying to understand the thought process behind LG’s MOW predictions in picking CC to win so many times within a short period. I mean COME ON, we are talking about a guy (Cupcake) who once went winless in match play for an entire season (0-7-1 in 2005 for the Brew Crew). I’d have to go back into the record books but I’m not sure if that has ever happened to anyone else, although Syndrome is giving it a good run for the money this season. Bazinga!  I’m giving myself another bravo for that one! Whoa, I better slow down, else I owe money to the IRS. Zing! I’m on a roll baby! If anyone from HR is reading this, I’M JOKING. It’s all blog fodder. You can’t believe anything on this blog, except for the stuff about Cletus, all those things are true. Cha-Ching!  Somebody stop me, I’m cracking myself up!

TWIG
This week in golf, the BIG winners, and I mean BIG winners were the Young Guns who obliterated ROVER (25 – 15) and took over first place. They were led by, who else but Radio! He took 8 points and finished with a low net of 29! For those of you who inundated the commissioner’s office with hate mail about how Radio’s handicap is way over bloated and needs to be adjusted. We here you. We respect your opinions and I happen to agree with you. However, the official statement from our PR department is this: SHUT UP MARY AND TAKE DEFEAT LIKE A MAN! The HC is what it is based on his scores in the GCCGL and will adjust accordingly. It went down one stroke this week. Birdies, Eagles and a Crowe dropped into 2^nd place after losing to Strait to Church (22 – 18). They were led by Big Donkey who managed 7.5 points this week. Finally, Dropping Deuces moved out of the cellar after dropping Just End the Season (21 – 19) in a close team match. They were led by the return of the ancient one, Cletus, who grabbed 7.5 points. The JETS slipped another notch down the ladder as did ROVER who has taken up residence in the GCCGL basement where it’s cold, musty and smells like feet.

History Lesson
 This week’s history lesson goes back to 2015, in honor of Cletus’ return this week after recovering from shoulder surgery. This was a special year in GCCGL history because it was The Year of the Cletus. Cletus endured a brutal season the year before in 2014 going 3-9 and leading his team to a last place finish. For those of you who want to learn more about the Year of the Cletus, click HERE. You’ll be glad you did.

Profile Spotlight
You get two for the price of one this week as promised. The player profiles this week are Ollie and Radio a.k.a. Squints. Ollie is a GCCGL veteran who been through the trenches and doesn’t look a day over 65. Squints is a newbie in his second full season as a GCCGL member which is one more season than everyone thought he’d last.

The low net winners this week were Couzin’ Joe (A/B) with a low net of 32 and Radio (C/D) with a low net of 29! Congratulations to the winners.  We play our second special event this season, the Stableford Scramble on the Willows front.  If you like what you’ve read, then join the conversation and leave a comment. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner