2017 – Week 15

Good day gentlemen! I’m feeling a little spunky today. It is 5:00 AM on a Friday morning and I’ve been wide awake for an hour already. I blame Syndrome. Yes, he convinced me to go out on Thursday evening after golf. As many of you already know, the Portuguese Warrior suffers from a rare “condition” of late-night beer induced insomnia. This is where drinking beer after around 8 PM or so, I wake up after a couple of hours of sleep and am WIDE AWAKE. Believe it or not, our very own wizard wannabe, Potter, suffers from the same condition.  Enough about my many issues, let’s get to it shall we?

How about this week’s Kreyling Korner huh? That was a saucy post.  The timing of it was dead on with the annual GCCGL PGA event coming up. My only addition is this; During the PGA event next week, the only balls that should be touched, fluffed, rolled, moved, kicked, dropped or picked, better be your own. Those are the rules for next week. If you hit out of bounds, go to the closest area where the ball went into the hazard or OOB and drop no more than one club length from that spot. Yes, I said DROP, not PLACE. For one week and one week only, we are playing it strict. Last year’s event was a HUGE success and although there were some ridiculously high scores, it sure looked like everyone was having a great time. So please adhere to the rules and have fun out there. By the way, we are waiving the NO CART thing. If you want to ride, then ride. However, it should be frowned upon unless you’re old or have a medical condition (fatness doesn’t count). That last sentence was Cupcake’s. I had to include it because it’s just too funny!

By that way, thanks to everyone for asking about Mrs. PW health. Many of you came up to me and asked about my wife and I appreciated your sincerity and concern. She is doing well but it will still be a long recovery with home care nurses visiting every other day and regular doctor visits. I wound up working from home a couple of days earlier this week and do you know what the best thing was about working from home? Finding an open toilet when I needed one. I’m not kidding. Whenever it was time to “drop off the groceries“, if you catch my drift, it was super sweet to actually have access to a clean, sanitized and accessible lavatory. 

Speaking of fresh, sterile, latrines, where are the millennials during the post round gathering at Barleycorn’s? OK….OK….I didn’t mean that. I love millennials……the same way I love root canals. No, I’m just kidding! I told you, I’m cranky and a little sleep deprived right now. But seriously, where are YOU guys? Look, I have every reason to NOT go out after golf but I do (not all the time but most times). I have a sick wife at home but I still went out and of course you already know about what happens to my sleep cycle when I do go out with the guys and drink beer late at night. But I still do it. Why do I do it? It’s obvious isn’t it? I’m sniffing around for blog material. But also because it is fun. A couple of hours listening to Syndrome, Big Donkey, Cousin’ Joe and Lip Gloss talk about the GCCGL antics, current events, Shark Week and much, much more, is very entertaining. Most folks out there pay good money for this kind of theatrics. So, I’m imploring the GCCGL millennials, come out with us once in a while. We might be a little bit older and somewhat more irritable and sure, some us might not smell as nice as we once did but what we lack in decorum and post round hygiene (I sweat a LOT!), we make up for in life-long experience and knowledge. So come join us. You’ll eat, drink, laugh and you might even learn a thing or two along the way. 

There’s so much to blog about this week including the incredibly SLOW PLAY! Holy smokes, what in the world was going on going on with the 2nd grouping of Lip Gloss, Cartwright, VanPelt and Cletus? I was in the next to last group and although we spent  what seemed like 20 minutes looking for Boot Boy’s tee shot on hole #10, we still waited on the tee on the Par 3 #11! The result was the last two groups finishing in darkness and pouring rain.  I know the cloud cover contributed to the early darkness but with 5 weeks left, we better play faster than this or Cupcake will get very angry. And you don’t want to see Cupcake get angry.  What else is in the GCCGL news….ah yes, we had a NEW SUB this week! Let’s all welcome, Eric Lefeld who subbed for Fusting this week. If you all haven’t met Eric yet, um well, he’s a big boy. He makes Big Donkey look like a miniature pony. I’m not saying he’s overly huge but on a sunny day, his shadow spans into another zip code. Eric wasn’t around for even a few minutes before some potential GCCGL nick names were being thrown around like HGH and Andro.

Apparently, there was another classic Squirts meltdown during his match with Syndrome which included a lot of cussing, yelling, simulated club breaking and even sitting down on the 16th green and watching the rest of his foursome putt after posting an 8 on the hole. Squirts, buddy o’ pal, it’s just a game. Besides, this is the way everyone feels when they play Syndrome and have to give up a ton of strokes (20 handicap my ass!). Speaking of Syndrome, after winning low net, he makes the comment to several of us how this is his very first low net win in his 11 year career in the GCCGL. We all vehemently disagreed with him but he insisted. This prompted Cletus to offer up a bet to everyone of $5 that this indeed was the first low net win for Syndrome. Cupcake took the bet. Cletus lost. Syndrome actually had won 6 low nets prior to this week. I’m starting to worry about you Syndrome. Speaking of Cletus, there was a classic senior moment that occurred on the clubhouse patio after the round. As everyone was getting ready to leave, the cart jockeys came up and asked if anyone left their keys in a cart. There were some jokes flying around and several folks even took a look at the keys but to a man, everyone on the patio, including, Cletus, said nope. As we were walking to the parking lot outside the front of the clubhouse and still joking about the poor schmuck who probably had to call Uber for a ride because he lost his keys, all of a sudden, Cletus stops and yells out, “Wait…..where’s my keys?” . The old man is losing it. Finally, some Cletus blog material! 

The big winners this week were Dropping Deuces who beat ROVER (22-18). They were led by PW who took 6.5 from Grimace’s card.  Strait to Church defeated the Young Guns (21.5 – 18.5). They were led by Syndrome who grabbed 7.5 points. But the big news was Birdies, Eagles and a Crowe finally putting an end to an impressive losing streak and beating Just End the Season (21.5 – 18.5). They were led by Prince Albert who managed 7 points.

The low net winners were Big Donkey (A/B) with a low net of 31 and Syndrome (C/D) with a low net of 30. Congratulations to the winners! No Profile or History sections this week as the blog got way too long. Just too much to talk about this week. We continue play on the back nine of the Willows this week for the 2nd annual PGA event. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner