2016 – Week 5
Finally! After a rough start to the season weather-wise, we couldn’t have gotten a better day. Sunny, clear and 70 degrees. We even tee’d off early and could have had another two foursomes finish behind us and still have plenty of daylight left. We had perfect attendance once again thanks to our wonderful sub list this season. A big thanks to Miller, VanPelt and Marcus. A couple of them didn’t have enough scores in the handicap database so their handicaps were adjusted which affected the match play score from the original score. It’s important to try and get as many scorecards turned in to make this fun and fair to everyone. So to all our subs, what are you waiting for? Forget about mowing your lawns and get out there and play some golf!
Believe it or not we are ¼ of the way through the 2016 GCCGL season already and what a season it’s shaping up to be. Only 10 points separate the top 5 teams. It looks like the gamble didn’t pay off for Gamblers Fallacy as they are mired deeply in the basement and dropping faster than “Caitlyn” Jenner’s Tinder rating. That makes this week’s Stableford Scramble that much more important. The Stableford is the only event where there are no set point totals and the separation between teams can decrease or increase significantly. Please check out the rules and make sure to get a sub!
I thought it would be an appropriate time to do a little team evaluation one fourth of the way through the season for this week’s blog. So here it goes.
We finally had a perfect day for golf and what happens? The scores go up! The Pioneer back nine proved to be a little tougher than everyone thought. Approximately 63% shot over par. Those are “Willows back nine” numbers. Protein for Peffercorn went from 1st to 3rd after getting whipped by Laying 8 (25 – 15). So much for Laying 8 “laying” down. They are on a roll after a slow start. Big Donkey is unbeaten and Squints is starting to look more like a puppet master who pulled all the right strings instead of being the “dummy” manipulated by someone’s hand up their backside. Don’t get too excited yet Radio, there’s a lot of season left but so far, it’s looking pretty good.
The Prince Albert Syndrome is sitting in first place by the thinnest of margins (.83 points) thanks to some idiot’s ridiculous Florida Scramble point distribution! Yea, that was the Portuguese Warrior’s fault. I think it’s about time for a change next season. You can say that it was specifically designed to avoid future ties but that would be a lie. They narrowly defeated Three Men and Sub (21 – 19). The big news here was one of the MOW’s (match of the week) between Scratch and Prince Albert. Scratch won this grudge match (5.5 – 4.5) but his team still lost. Not sure how this will affect The Prince Albert Chronicles overall scoring this week. This team was predicted to finish first and so far things are going according to plan. That is of course if Prince Albert can keep it together and not let his compulsive neurosis and obsession with Cletus destroy everything he’s worked for.
Meanwhile, Grandpa’s Cough Medicine (also known as GCM) has been the league’s epitome of mediocrity. I mean seriously, take a look at this team. They’ve been in 4th place since the 2nd week of the season. They’re comprised of a Jew, a giant, a midget and a bed wetter. Replace the bed wetter with a cantankerous fisherman, and you have last season’s team Massholes with a better team name. However, GCM made a huge move this week by destroying Gamblers Fallacy (23.5 – 16.5). Big Ed is having a Hall of Fame season and seems to be playing angry after his HOF tribute made mention of his “B Player” status. Now if only Goldie would show up and played like he has in the past instead of complaining about the weekly survey results, this team might be in first place. Seriously, he lost to Lip Gloss this week for the first time in 7 matches.
This brings us to Gamblers Fallacy who is made of a fashionista, a primadonna, a mimbo and someone who regrets ever getting involved with the GCCGL. What’s hilarious about this group is that three of the four members can easily fit into any one of the stereotypes above! I’ll let YOU, the readers, decide who belongs with which one. They’re 22.5 points out of first place AND they have Lip Gloss as their “A-Player”. If I were them, I’d swap the golf clubs for fishing poles and call it a day. This is what happens when 75% of your team members are more concerned with whether their belts match their hats instead of their golf play. A wise man once said, “It’s better to look good than to feel good”. That is definitely this team’s motto!
The most appropriate team name might belong to Three Men and a Sub who basically has played the first quarter with…..well three men and a SUB! Where the hell are you Cletus?! This team was one of the pre-season favorites and they’ve lived up to the billing. They currently sit in 2nd place just a fraction of a point out of first despite having the league’s worst team attendance. Can we kick an entire team off the league? Between Cletus’ hip dysplasia problems caused by years of the “reverse pivot” and Gobstopper’s love for camping and defecating in the woods, we’re lucky to see these two a handful of times a year.
Rounding up the analysis is Protein for Peffercorn. An interesting team name with an even more interesting draft strategy. Boot Boy decided they’d be better off with an A-Player and three B Players. On the surface you can’t argue with that strategy until you dig a little deeper and start finding some imperfections. This team started out strong but has since faltered dropping from 1st to 3rd after getting pummeled this week. I know what Joe was thinking when he built this team, he was thinking, “Man, I’m a D Player this season and I’m going to CLEAN UP on those pathetic D Players and sorry excuses for golfers!” How’s that going for you Joey? Not as you expected eh? Hey, someone tell Boot Boy that this is a handicap league and that his team will be giving up the most strokes, by far, than any other team this season. Ah the handicap system, it’s the great equalizer.
There you have it. This is just one small statured man’s opinion. I hope no one got offended, remember, this blog is really more about the entertainment factor than it is about golf. If I did manage to offend someone then………tough petunias! Suck it up and grow a pair. For those of you who have not seen or heard last week’s results about what things might be found in each GCCGL member’s closet, then you can find the full list HERE! But before you do, YOU MUST LOG ON to the GCCGL blog. This is a PRIVATE post. We take our members’ privacy and security seriously at the GCCGL and have protected the names and identities of the ridiculed. For those of you who forgot your password or have not registered, you can retrieve your password and/or register by clicking the links at the bottom right side of the blog. Oh, by the way, you can also COMMENT on GCCGL posts when you log in! I’m not giving up on getting you knuckleheads involved!
The low net winners this week were Big Ed (A/B) with a low net of 31 and Ollie (C/D) with a low net of 35. Congratulations to the winners! We stay on the back nine of the Pioneer this week. We play the second special event of the season, The Stableford Scramble. For those of you not familiar with it, get familiar with it! Nah, I’m just kidding. Just click the link and read about it. Don’t forget to check out the latest installment of The Prince Albert Chronicles. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner
