2015 – Week 15
Week 15 is in the books and we are down to the last quarter of the season. Only four weeks left! We had one of the nicest days of the season this week which correlated into 100% attendance thanks to a whopping six substitutes filling in. A big thanks to Meyer, Schott, Bush, Lane, Dominik and newcomer Watson.
The week started out like any other week, with me being referred to as “a turd of a hack”. Cletus emailed me and the entire league voicing his displeasure about last week’s blog comments regarding the commissioner office’s policy of allowing a substitute the opportunity to win money prizes for CTP in the scramble. I’ve been called many things in my 49 ½ years, but I have to admit, I’ve never heard the phrase “turd of a hack” before. I needed to know what it meant. I really didn’t pay any mind to Cletus’ rant and in fact, I deleted his email immediately which is how most folks normally treat any emails sent by Cletus. But I definitely found this term, “turd of a hack”, very intriguing and hilarious. So I did what most computer nerds do, I decided to analyze it and break it down.
By itself, the definition of both words are as follows:
Turd – /tərd/
Origin: German (gotta love those Germans)
noun vulgar slang
Plural: turds
def: a lump of excrement
synonyms: stool, dung, scat, feces, fecal matter
informal: poop, poo, doo-doo, dookie
Eg. “golfers are complaining about the goose turds”
def2: a person regarded as obnoxious or contemptible
Hack – /hak/
Origin: Old English
noun
Plural: hacks
def: a person who does dull, unoriginal, routine work
synonyms: drudge, menial, factotum
informal: gofer
Eg. “George is a turd of a hack”
After carefully examining each word on its own merit, this once incomprehensible and unintelligible phrase now made sense to me. Cletus was telling me that I am a repugnant boring dingle-berry. I’ve been called worse.
Now that we have that mystery solved, onto the next one; the backstory to the newest nickname creation, “KP”, short for “Knee Pee”. I finally got the scoop of how KP got his nickname. Between dissecting Cletus’ vocabulary and the discovery of a whole new way of peeing outdoors, this has been a very educational week for me. I must be sheltered or just plain oblivious because I never knew that “knee-peeing” was a thing. It’s true. Regrettably, several of us have witnessed this shameful and despicable display. It’s exactly what it sounds like it is and looks very similar to the Tebow Knee or the ©kneebow. (Copyright 2015 Syndrome). But instead of praying, you pee. Unfortunately for KP, he kneeled on the wrong knee and tinkled on himself. Take a look for yourself. The image has been modified for his own protection.
In other news, I had a “moment” on hole number 11. As I teed off, I guess I may have swung a little extra harder than usual and I swung and blasted one out there left of the fairway. As I completed my swing, I lost my balance and turned completely around, then twisted my right ankle while falling right on my ass………..in front of the beer girl. Does it get any worse than this? Maybe not compared to “knee-pee” but it did get worse because my ball hit the down slope of the left rough and darted into the crap thus losing my ball in the process. Ugh! I would blame it on my “Capri” shorts but they were in the wash. I did break out a new pair of checkered cargo shorts this week. Yes, I purposely bought new cargo shorts. I can’t help it that I’m a product of the 80’s. Sometimes you gotta take the good (Motely Crew and hair bands) with the bad (parachute pants, Members Only jackets and of course, cargo shorts). In case you are wondering, Yes, I owned and wore all three of those garments when I was Eighties George. Go ahead and laugh, the pic is black and white and grainy and I haven’t had to use shampoo in 20 years. I get it, it’s old. That’s because I’m old. But look at it this way, I’m a lot closer to my biggest decision of the day being whether to put on my sandals or throw on my flip-flops on the way to the beach every day.
Every once in a while, a memorable phrase is coined in the GCCGL. One of the last really great ones was back in 2007, “Never Question an 8!”. Although it may not be as memorable as “Never Question an 8!”, I thought the following was pretty funny and has the chance to become a staple term in the GCCGL for years to come. On the par 5 this week, Cupcake and Sizzle were locked in a tough match and both were struggling on the Par 5. Sizzle finally manages to get on the green and had like a 20 footer left for a “snowman”. Somehow he sank the putt and pumps his fist in the air and yells out “SNOWMAN…bitches!” What is it about this crazy league and embracing a score of 8? Maybe it was because Cupcake also wound up with an 8 therefore Sizzle wound up winning the hole. Who knows. Either way, it’s too funny!
We need to analyze the data but we may be approaching record participation from our subs this season. If my math is correct, our subs have filled in for 55 matches and scrambles this season. However, they are in the midst of a tough year. So far our substitutes have amassed a 9-25-4 record this season. Whether it’s the unfamiliarity with the Kenton County courses or the experience of seasoned GCCGL veterans, who knows. One thing we do know is that we appreciate each and every sub filling in for us. Big Donkey swept the field this week in Harris vs The League (23-0-0). We are not sure whether this has ever happened but considering the exceptional golf BD has played throughout the years, it probably has.
The big winners this week were Roller and Duer Again who pummeled The Big Bang Theory (24.5 – 15.5). They were led by Snoodles and Cupcake who both grabbed 6.5 points. After a fast and promising start, The Big Bang Theory and been a big bust and have settled in nicely to the bottom of the 2015 GCCGL standings. Back in Black continue their winning ways by defeating the first place Offensive Line team (21 -19). They were led by Schott who took 8 points. Although it might be too late for B&B to make a serious move for first place, this team can definitely have an say in the final standings by playing the spoiler role. Unfortunately it may be a little too late. Meanwhile the Massholes beat Daddy Day Care in a tight one (20.5 – 19.5). They were led by Goldie who won 6 points. The Massholes and Back in Black are separated by just 1 point.
Low net winners were Big Donkey (A/B) with a low net of 30 and Cupcake (C/D) with a low net of 32. Congratulations to the winners! We continue on the back nine of the Pioneer this week and it is also Battle Golf. Please read the rules. Remember, the putter is in play this season. Also, remember, you can only carry the standard number of 14 clubs. Should be interesting as always. With just four weeks left, daylight will start to become an issue. As long as we continue to tee off on time or earlier, then we should be fine. There are a couple of new gallery pics as our newest sub fell victim to the gallery after almost hitting us without so much as a FORE. Rookies….. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ‘em straight!
George Almeida – GCCGL Co-commissioner
