2013 – Week 15

Only two weeks left in the GCCGL 2013 season! What is up with this weather? Two straight weeks with just about perfect golf weather. We had another perfect attendance day thanks to six subs (Seiter, Lickert, McNeil, Dominik, Bleeker and Mackson?).

Mackson Who?
Who the hell is Mackson? As it turns out, Adam is another electrical engineering co-op  who subbed for Syndrome this week. The question shouldn’t be “Who is Mackson?”, but rather “How did this kid wind up subbing for the league when there were plenty of other subs desperately clinging to the phone, hoping and praying for someone…….anyone to call?”  Now, something tells me that Syndrome wasn’t wining and dining this guy or running around the building seeking out this kid in order to sub for him. I seriously doubt he even knows him and never heard his name until he reads this blog. As a matter of fact, I’d bet that the only contact John had with this co-op, if any, was bumping into him while cutting in front of him on Pizza/Calzone day in the cafeteria lunch line. Johnny likes his kneaded dough. So, how is it that another sub, with no scores and the dreaded asterisk by his name in Lipgloss’s crackerjack handicap sheet, somehow gets to sub before someone like Glaser who was so devastated by not being asked to sub that he nearly broke down like a rented mule and cornered me in the men’s room wanting to know why he can’t play. Ok, maybe that didn’t exactly happen that way……but there was a discussion……..and it did take place in the men’s room. I’ll tell you how it happened, Bleeker took it upon himself to recruit his co-op buddy. It’s that simple. I don’t blame Bleeker and I certainly don’t blame Mackson, who by the way is a good kid with a nice swing. No, I blame the scheduling department of the GCCGL commissioner’s office (Lipgloss and Cupcake)! I smell yet another league rule in 2014, The Co-op Assumption. It will fit nicely between The Goldenberg Rule and the Witzgall Incident. No Remmington, you don’t get to have a rule named after you, you can’t handle that kind of fame. I’m in a bad mood…….does it show?

Hip Hop Homies
As if my night last Thursday wasn’t bad enough getting thoroughly thrashed by Doogie Howser……..you youngsters out there know who Doogie Howser was, right? Doogie Howser, MD? NPH? Neil Patrick Harris? All the good references and Family Guy cut-aways are wasted on the youth of America. What a shame. Anyway, I had to get down with the O.P.P. on hole # 15. Unbelievably, there were this bunch of young punks, wearing wife beaters and blaring hip-hop music, and it wasn’t even good hip-hop music, while they were putting on the green next to us on the other course. Seriously man, I have to question the judgment at the Kenton County Golf clubhouse when they are allowing four guys wearing over-sized baseball caps sideways, with loose Tu-Wang shorts down around their ankles to rent a golf cart. Didn’t the boom box give it way? Someone help me out here? Am I wrong? My mood hasn’t gotten any better…..

The least those homies could have done was play some of the old classics out there like “Gangsta Golf” by Snoop Doggy Duck-Hook or “I Got an 8 (but it was really a 10)” by Big Daddy D-Player or my personal jam, “Handicap Issues” by Notorious B.O.G.E.Y. Great sound, good beat and smart, edgy lyrics.

If you want to experience what I did in our group. Close your eyes, put your headphones on, imagine yourself getting your butt kicked by a kid barely old enough to drive a golf cart, click play and count down 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3….

Reverse the Curse
Several weeks ago, during the Pot Luck round, I mentioned how Lipgloss was on fire with that belly putter of his. He was automatic within 15 – 20 feet that night against me. Apparently since then, he has struggled mightily! I mean, he can’t even make three footers any more. It’s pathetic really. I must have unleashed an old but effective Portuguese spell that had been buried deep within my subconscious. Don’t mess with the Portuguese voodooism man, it works, just ask Kreyling. He begged me to reverse the curse after another pitiful putting performance so I will oblige. Hocus pocus alakazam and all the crap…….curse be gone! I think that worked.

What a night, the big winners this week were Slicers Not Hookers who demolished Moore’s Misfits (27.5 – 12.5). Come on guys, are you even trying any more? They were led by Kreyling who grabbed 8 points. They were followed by #teamname who defeated Who’s Your Caddie (23 – 17). They were led by Harris who earned 7.5 points. This win has moved them into a tie for first place with Free Port Sandwich who also won their match (21.5 – 18.5) over Tiagra Woods. They were led by Goldenberg and Mclinn who both won 6.5 points. What a finish this will be. The race within the race is between Moore’s Misfits and Tiagra Woods. Tiagra has been in the cellar just about all year long while it wasn’t that long ago that Misfits was still in the race. Only 1 point separates Tiagra from Misfits and preventing the humiliation of finishing dead last in the 2013 GCCGL. As you may or may not have noticed, the GCCGL Twitter feed has been added to the blog. Unfortunately I really don’t know what I’m doing so I haven’t figured out how to get all the tweets to show up. I guess I’m officially too old for this stuff. We move to the front side of the Pioneer for the final two weeks! It promises to be eventful. Hold on to your hats, it’s going to be fun. We hope to see you on the golf course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner