2017 – Week 9

The League has spoken…and considering the level of retardation in the League, the result is me blogging for PW.  Sort of like Trump voters realizing he actually won.  Whooops.

First, let’s talk about the elephant on the course. Me!  I’m 53, overweight (obese in medical terms), take blood pressure medication that makes me sweat like a fire hose (Lisinopril) and yet I still walked the course last night.  Granted, I was huffing and puffing but c’mon guys.  It’s the front of the pioneer.  Even my 25 year-old opponent was riding!!!  If you can’t walk this course, well, maybe it’s time to think about a badminton league.

As we waited for groups to finish it was really quiet and I was getting worried about blog material when PW delivered.  Let’s go to the tape!

Warning:  By clicking play on this video you confirm that you, and the people around you, are not offended by adult language.  If you are offended by adult language, DO NOT click play or simply turn off your speakers.

Knowing what a thoughtful and considerate person PW is, me being in front of him probably really did affect his shot because I know he wouldn’t want to finally hit someone considering how many shots he’s taken.  But, ya gotta love a chunked chip with the whole league gallery.  Thankfully, only one group had finished when I had to chip from the practice green back to no. 9 so there is no photo evidence of that little fiasco.

Speaking of people getting hit, Ollie apparently took one to the chest…he offered to lift his shirt to show me but I demurely declined.  Can you imagine what that looks like? 

Trade talks were going on again like wildfires last night.  Although, with the lead the Young Dumbs have opened up, the talks have now taken a vicious turn and I had nothing to do with it!  Apparently there are several schemes to trade people similar to the card game of screw your neighbor where people may get dumped to mess with them.  Names being thrown about were Squirts, and…well, actually only Squirts.  Poor boy can’t get no love.  Can’t imagine why.  I still think Ollie should pay Squirts’ league fee because if Squirts quits the league there’s only one direction all the abuse can go…

Speaking of golden showers, Prince Albert continues to earn his name whipping his “putter” out every 15 minutes to water the foliage.  For a guy about to get married, he sure seems to spend a lot of time shaking his own hand…if you get my meaning.  He’s the only guy I know who stands next to a tree NEXT TO THE PARKING LOT AND PRACTICE GREEN to seek some relief.  Dude.  WTF???  If you have prostate issues this early, you’ve got a long frustrating life ahead of you.  Although, given the continued carnage in the GCC bathroom situation, I guess any port works in a storm. 

On the actual golf side of things, it was a strange night.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen such lopsided scores, although the PF makes a lot of zeroes into heroes.  The first week of WB under par scorers were 17%.  This week under par were 67%.  That kind of performance was very random though when the scores were:

28.5 – 11.5      Jets over BEC

26.5 – 13.5      DD over Rover

23.0 – 17.0            YG over STC

Considering low net was won by two YGs, STC did pretty well overall, although not enough to keep from falling to fourth. 

Marge was on fire to the detriment of Big Donkey.  I think Marge may have eaten the placenta from his new kid…or maybe he’s just stealing the little tike’s breast milk.  Whatever, he needs to be drug tested.

Squirts continues to benefit from his inflated handicap.  Don’t worry Squirts, that thing will go down eventually like a prom queen in the back of a Kia.  (I have so many better analogies but I know the censor is watching).

Cletus and Gobstopper had a hell of a match last night.  I haven’t seen that much red on the score summary table since the movie Carrie.  Buh dum bump.  Thanks, I’m here all week.

BEC continued to suck.  Maybe instead of trading players they could trade team names with JETS.  BEC could (hypothetically) win a 10-0 rout in all 4 matches one night and STILL be out of first 25 points which is where the JETS are now.  Ouch.  Which do you think came first, their crappy attendance or their crappy play.  Either way, there has to be a correlation between the two.

John “Sydrome” Rayburn – League Designated Backup Blogger

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