2017 – Week 4

Good morning everyone. This week you get “angry” George my friends. The weather once again was not ideal but it didn’t rain during the round so that’s a good thing. So the day started out just like any other Thursday during the GCCGL. I felt good and went through my normal pre-match ritual as I’ve been doing for the past 22 seasons. What’s that? You don’t have a pre-match routine? Most of us GCCGL veterans have a “process” they go through before each and every Thursday night for 20 weeks in the Spring and Summer. For you GCCGL rookies out there, let me help you out. For the first time ever, in GCCGL history, I’ll let you in on MY pre-match GCCGL routine. Listen up kids, you might learn something.

  • First and foremost, it’s very important to get a good night’s rest the night before. PW recommends a minimum of 7 ½ hours of Zzzz’s. Do whatever needs to be done, take a warm bath, down a shot of Nyquil PM, play footsies with the wife, spoon with the family dog, turn on CNN. I don’t care. Just get your rest.
  • Eat a good breakfast. It’s OK to mix in some carbs on Thursday mornings ONLY, but for the rest of the week put down that bagel and take it easy on the pancakes and syrup. Admit it, most of us can stand to lose a few pounds around that belly.
  • Purge. Now I know this might be challenging given that the toilet-to-associate ratio is approximately (72:1) right now in the building. And the stalls that are “in working order”, how can I put this delicately………, are somewhat “over-worked”. Now, if you don’t want to brave the ventilation or wait in line, I hear that the customer’s men’s room at the Highland Heights Kroger is quite comfortable. But you’ll need to take care of business before the daily all-you-can-eat Buffet & Bunco caravan shows up from the Campbell County Senior Center. We don’t want another Hollywood Bowel incident on our hands, do we?
  • Eat a light late lunch (around 1:30pm). Nothing too starchy. Don’t be afraid to introduce some greens and fruits for once in your life and for God’s sake, drink plenty of water. Hydration is key before a match.
  • Leave early and take your time getting to the course. Pop in disc 2 of (Enya – Only Time Collection) and let your mind drift away into the tranquility of nothingness. But please pay attention to all those knuckleheads on the road. We can’t afford any more members going on the disabled list. Our sub list is thinner than Kreyling’s hair line. Come on subs! Step it up! We need ya!

That’s it folks. Feel free to copy from the Portuguese Warrior’s GCCGL game day ritual or come up with your own. Hey, maybe that should be our next survey question. “Name the most important part of your game day ritual“. I bet there would be some very creative responses to that one.

Most of you already heard about the controversial 16th hole last Thursday in the Radio/PW match. Here is the way it went down. PW was in the midst of a first class beat down by Squints. It just wasn’t in the cards. I performed my pre-game ritual and everything but it just wasn’t happening. Anyway, we get to hole #16, the ONLY hole where I was getting a stroke all night. That, in of itself, was ludicrous. Radio was bombing drives 80, 90, 100+ yards past me. He plays in three leagues and confided to me that his handicap index is a 7 in the other leagues. He’s an 11 in the Cletus GCCGL debacle of a handicap system. By the time we got to #16, I was down 5-1. I immediately screw up my drive into the little patch of woods on the left by the shed and Radio is right down the middle of the fairway and long. As I hack my way out of my predicament, I find myself laying 2 down the left side in the un-mowed rough. By this time, I’m pretty ticked off at myself so I pull out a 3-wood (wrong club) and swing out of my shoes. I whiffed. I almost pulled one of those moves where you swing so hard and screw drive yourself into the ground! I know, embarrassing. I never even nicked the ball. I might as well have been swatting flies. So I compose myself and this time, I gave the ball a little fluffer-roo and still with my 3-wood, because I’m a stubborn idiot, I swing for the fourth time. This time I got a hold of it and hit it up by the green. Hmm, maybe Lip Gloss is onto something about this fluffing business. When I get to the green, I told my playing partner about my whiffing fiasco and asked whether I have to count the stroke even if the ball did not move. He said yes, I must count that stroke. OK fine. Those are the rules, so be it. I can tell you this, there have been times where my opponent has whiffed on a ball and I never made them count the stroke. But hey, that’s me. Like I’ve stated many times before, the Portuguese are kind, forgiving and understanding people. But NOT today. Not on hole #16 and especially not to Radio/Squints or whatever his nickname is.

So I get on in 5 (counting the whiff) and three putt for an 8. I start walking up the hill, disgusted with my game but I’m walking backwards watching everything take place on the green. Radio is lying 5 and blows his short putt 2-3 feet past the hole. Now he’s lying 6. If he misses the comebacker, I win the hole. To my surprise, he is given the putt by The Senator and then proceeds to miss the putt in a half-hearted attempt. I yelled out, “Hey, what the HELL! I saw that! I didn’t concede that putt!” Then the words go back and forth all the way up to #17. We were loud enough for the group behind us to hear the commotion. My point was this; if YOU are going to count my whiff, then I’m going to count your putt attempt. And by the way Senator, who died and made you my proxy all of a sudden? When did I give you the authority to represent me on the green? Instead of The Senator, I’m going to start calling you The Proxy. Well, the argument kept going right up until the 17th tee. This was my opportunity to try and rattle the kid but he promptly pulverized his drive right down Broadway so far up that he had a more than legitimate shot at getting on in two on the Par 5 17th. Eleven handicap my ass!

Moving to the 18th tee, Squints tees up his ball and begins to address it and knocks it off with his club. I yell out, “Stroke One!” He didn’t like that, but I was serious (or at least acting like I was). He promptly re-teed his ball and crushed it 40 or so yards from the green. It was not my day.

So that’s my side of the story and quite frankly, the only side you’ll read on this blog. All kidding aside, I was just razzing Radio. I’m not even upset at him for making me count my whiff, well maybe I’m a little peeved at that….. I’m not even upset with The Senator, who by the way was named the executor of my last will and testament. It’s all blog fodder.

This blog post went long so no History or Profile section this week. The low net winners this week were Boot Boy and Potter (A/B) with a low net of 33 and Cupcake (C/D) also with a low net of 33. Congratulations to the winners. Not going to sum up the match play mainly because it’s still too painful for me. You can read the results yourself. We continue match play this week, but move the Willows front.  If you like what you’ve read, then join the conversation and leave a comment. We hope to see you on the course and as always, hit ’em straight!

George Almeida – GCCGL Co-Commissioner

7 comments

  1. Dear Commissioners,

    In response to the negative comments on the blog this week regarding my not paying, (thank you for the no Jewish references, as that is pretty much where I expected it to go, and even though it would have been funny) My logic for opting out from paying is they decided to opt out of doing their job, which was to close the course and not have me play in the f’ing rain!!!!

    Screw them, I don’t feel guilty in the least bit, and they deserved it and I will put the $25 I saved towards beer for the league so it’s a win win for everyone but the morons who did not close the course!!!

    Dry Fairways and Greens, my friends!!!!!

  2. I thought we voted to go to a full PGA handicap and away from Old Man Cletus’ contrived system?

  3. We are under the USGA handicap system this year. If Tucker is truly a 7 in his “other” leagues, he can send in the scores. Otherwise, I’m still seeing a 50, two 49s a few 46s, etc. being counted in his score. Keep in mind under the USGA calculation more scores are excluded. Those would include – 57, three 53s, a 51…and some other high 40s. True – tucker has played better these last two weeks and those scores count. If he keeps shooting low, his handicap will drop quicker under the USGA system.

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